"Once and for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once and for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection." -Charles Dickens

I received your letter. I didn't even read all of it. My vision blurred and my mind clouded by the second sentence. I hopped in my car and drove to your house as fast as possible. I wasn't even thinking straight.

He proposed.

That was all I needed to find the strength within me to fight for you. Then I realized, I can't.

I can't bring myself to ruin the happiness you have finally found. Even if that means that another man is giving you the happiness I once gave. You're not mine anymore. I don't deserve to have you after what I did. There is no amount of apologies that will fix what we once had. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined you. I'm sorry I violated your trust, your love, your happiness. I'm sorry for the fights, for the harsh words I threw at you, for violating your bed with another woman. You don't deserve that. You never deserved me. You're beautiful, you're innocent, you're pure, you're everything good in this miserable, world. I was so scared that you were going to walk away, find someone better. Someone who will treat you better, love you better, and respect you better than I did. I pushed you away. And I will always regret my decisions.

You were such an amazing person. Always vibrant. Not a day passed without a smile on your face. But I fucked up. I became a monster and sucked all the love out of you. The irony never ceases. Watching you twist from a sunny, smiling, wonderful person into a dark, violent and listless individual made me realize that I did that to you. I watched that one girl, who always found ways to brighten up my darkest days, fade into the darkness herself. I'm sorry.

Now I'm parked here, outside your house, writing you this letter. I feel like I'm violating your trust again. I mean, you finally got around to write me letters, you finally considered me your friend.

I see that he makes you happy. And I'm glad that you're smiling again. I'm just going to ask for one thing. Please don't send me an invitation to your wedding. You deserve happiness, and if I attend, I know I'm going to ruin your special day somehow.

I'm going to go home now, and mail this letter to you. I need you to know, that no matter what, I will support you. I want you to know that it's okay that you're happy. And I wish you the best in life.

Your friend,

Dan