(Written on 4/3/2012)

Why are summer holidays supposed to be the most anticipating event in a student's life? I sometimes wonder if there were any people out there who have the same question in mind. Whenever my batch mates would say, "I hope summer comes fast" or "I just can't wait for this school year to end", I would usually think otherwise. Don't get me wrong. I, for one, look forward to summer as much as any student does because it is the time of year when you can refresh yourself from the experiences you had over the school year. Plus, I already have the freedom to do recreational writing any time I want. That aside, there is just this unfathomable feeling that I get every time the first day of summer arrives – probably the feeling that I would call "dull" and "lethargic". Honestly, I tend to get overwhelmed with fear and anxiety during the first few days of summer, thinking about how I'll spend it wisely. Nevertheless, it's still such a different feeling that I cannot fully comprehend compared to the one I feel during school years.

I hate that dull and lethargic feeling, if you ask me. It makes me want to cry my heart out because of sheer boredom and idleness, especially during summer wherein you couldn't bring yourself to do something productive because of the hot weather. It is probably because I'm not used to doing nothing anymore, considering the rigorous training that I have been through over the past school years. To be frankly honest, I kind of miss the plethora of home works we're given every week; the annual extracurricular activities and events held by the school; the projects; the teachers; the physical, emotional, and social challenges; the academics; and most of all, my batch mates. No matter how stressful it can be to the point that you might reach your breakdown, I miss these things terribly. And it is only during school years that I experience the most beautiful and unforgettable memories a teenager could ask for. Of course, there are times when I lose myself every once in a while, but that's just what makes it worthwhile because it teaches you to have faith and self-control.

Going back to the question, why are summer holidays always have to be the most anticipated? Well, if I were in some of my batch mates' shoes, then it is probably because we don't have to worry about home work and projects anymore, no more teachers to reprimand us, and no more sleepless nights. But even so, why do students get so hyped up whenever "summer" comes to mind? I'm not saying this because I don't enjoy summer myself. In fact, I hold so much fervor every time I am given the freedom to explore my interests during vacation, revel in what it has to offer, and spend more quality time with family. That's what I love about summer, and I always look forward to it just like every youth out there. But what I noticed about students nowadays (I'm not saying ALL, though.) is that they don't anticipate the school year that is yet to come.

Even if I do look forward to summer, I usually feel quite depressed every time a school year ends. I will never forget our 1st year high school recognition day, not because I was able to bring home an award, but because it was the time when I felt nervous for summer. I even sobbed as if there was no tomorrow by the time I got home from the event. I felt so depressed and worried and anxious. I never felt like this before, especially when I'm already given the opportunity to relax and let loose for a while. Maybe it was just the fear that was seeping through my veins – the fear of not being able to spend your time wisely and not knowing what to do. Actually, I do have plans for summer. It's just that I'm afraid that it might not turn out the way I planned it, which might result to never-ending boredom for 3 months.

I'm already moving towards a new chapter in my high school life; I'm going to be a sophomore this year. I only have 4 years left before I experience reality first-hand. That's why every time summer arrives, all the more does it make me feel scared. I wonder how I'll be able to cope up with it. Honestly, I am a very fearful and worried person that hides behind my optimistic, passionate, and rather courageous facade. People think of me as one who holds so much promise and potential in everything I do. And I really am. I just don't want to show them how much of a coward I really am, deep inside. That alter ego of mine is always revealed during summer, which I couldn't manage to withstand. I get mixed emotions – sometimes cheerful, to the point of thinking about making these moments endless; and sometimes depressed, almost as if my life was being burnt up by the scorching summer sun that marks my ebbing days of youth. There are just some things in life that I couldn't convey through words.

If I were given the chance to extend this school year for another one month, then I am more than willing to do so, although my batch mates would probably think I'm crazy. That's why I'd rather end a school year late than early. Going to school just makes me bring out the best in me and accomplish great tasks that I feel I couldn't do. Sure, it can be stressing and mind-blowing at times to the point that it makes me want to back out. But just like what I said a while ago, that's what makes it worthwhile. During the times when you're starting to get swallowed whole by the raging storms, you have no one to run to but Him.

Every time another school year starts, I could almost feel as if the clouds were parting as the sun shines down on me. I never felt this sheer joy every time summer comes during my whole teenage life. Honestly, I somehow anticipate another school year more than a summer vacation. But regardless of that, there is a meaning behind summer, a purpose why we are given the time to rest. It gives us the opportunity to reflect upon what we've been through, and spend more time with our loved ones. It's not for nothing that in this world, there is such a thing as summer. It's like a series of tests as well. You face challenges and hardships along the way. In school, you have teachers and classmates to guide and lead you to do a particular task, and you even have a fixed schedule. As students, we have no other choice but to follow them, right? But when it's already summer, and you are given the freedom and are faced with your own storm, will you sink beneath the crashing waves or ride with the waves of the Holy Spirit? I guess that's the beauty of summer. I shouldn't worry too much about future circumstances because they haven't arrived yet. It's up to you to spend your time wisely. I guess a summer vacation is as challenging as a though school year, after all.