|PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS STUPID ATHEISTS I DARE YOU
Author: Demortem PM
I fucking dare you atheists to fucking read this, we theists are awesome and smart. Any person who reviews this will go to heaven, yes, you read me right.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Words: 1,020 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 04-09-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3011997
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
You naked darwinist apes reading this sordid writing from a sinner whose existence was devoted to repentance and the occasional fucking of white trashes in pubs should give you enough reason to doubt your doubts about the existence of the deity who gave you life. why, now, will you believe me, a sinner, a servant of god, a man of faith, a lawful husband, when you have been succumbed inside the bottomless pit of your arrogant scientific thoughts, you ask?
Because I saw the light.
The hand of god manifested as the untouchable fabric you idiots couldn't even decide if it was a wave or a particle or MIRACLE. we men of god, the true daughters and sons of the loving lord, well, in behalf of them, i shall tell you, i shall bloody tell you and gutpunch your lowly intellects for we know better.
Well you see i was done with my weekly repentance praying quietly and serenely at St. Arsenica Cathedral down on Himmel Street at 'bout 5pm, you know, confessing my sins and all to that swine of a priest called Jude McFartley, so as i was trudging my way on the cathedral steps there was this disgusting – oh lord forgive me for i will sin – child begging me for money. . . but who knows for what reason he'll use those earthly greenery for! As i am a moral man with great conviction and faith to the god almighty, well I certainly knew what he will use it for. i was not fooled, for the lord spoke to me, and the good lord told me that this very child is the son of the devil, that this little monster will use the alms for drugs! why, I ask, will someone like him use money for food when he could feel 'bliss' with those slimey things you use for shoes – I mean, he'll sniff those, right! its cheap and everywhere, after all. I being a moral moral moral man, shooed the child with all the might given to me by the Holey father. I released the overpowering energy from my hands and pushed the child away, his head cracking the squeaky clean cathedral steps. The imbecile! How dare he dirty the Holy House of the God Almighty,! Well, even though a moral man that I am I felt a little eetsie bitsy remorse with what my servant self did. But well you see the god from above felt my anxiety and performed a miracle right in front of me – that is right, fools! Ha Ha Ha! The child stood up, as if nothing happened, and ran away from the sanctum sanctorum, holy of holies that is the church! He didnt look hurt, is what god made him. He didnt! He didnt even flinch! No matter how the back of his head was dripping with the red liquid from the good lord – praise be to god! aye!
So after that incident I with my moral and purified body and clean leather shoes walked on the alley towards my mansion – not really fancy at all – for my dinner with wife and son. I was like, totally preoccupied with thoughts on how to praise and worship the good lord when this woman bumped me. I was terribly enraged by her foolishness and slapped her – almost slapped her – well, I being a moral moral moral man, said "Cant you see where you're going? You dirtied my suit!" I cursed and spat on the ground but not on the woman – even though she looks like a stupid whore, she's still a woman – so I didnt dare spat on her, I am a gentleman after all. She was clutching her swelling belly and tears were flowing out of her eyes. She looked no more than 17 – what a whore – and she's already swelling! an harlot shouldnt even live no more. I tried to preach her with the words of god, I did.
"you're pregnant but how old are you?," I asked her, "sixteen, sir," she answered. And there you have it – an ignorant fool who surrendered to the evil: sex! "you shouldnt even be whoring yourself, girl," I said, "I didnt sir," she said, "I was raped." I looked at her almost reeking with sympathy, almost walking away. "who did this to you?" I asked, "a priest, sir," she said meekly. A PRIEST? There is no way in hell a priest would've done this – he is the hand of god! she's probably one of those atheistic idiots who was impregnated, devirginized by a drunkard! I shooed her away and gave her my middle finger. Yes, that'll show her.
So after talking to the fool who was probably enlightened by my words of wisdom by now, I walked and walked, my head soaring high, feeling good and all, feeling oh so good that im walking beside god and know that he supports me no matter what – no matter how many poor people hungry and prostituting themselves, I know he is beside me. Where did all my wealth came from if it wasnt for him? So I walked and I walked and kicked some stray cats here and there, who were consuming food from the bins that are for poor people living in shacks, the sun was gone by now as I turned left, bout 30 meters away from my mansion – not so fancy – excited to slap my wife's big ass. And then the light – yes I saw it – I saw the light not above but in front of me – a bright white light that made me stupefied, dumbfound, starstrucked. It was the most amazing thing that ever happened in my life, and I could feel my useless flesh ripping, ripping, shredding, the miraculous red liquid bursting from my skin, my head shooting the organ where god is living – that pink slimy malformed shit, it fell on the ground, looking at me with those lines. I do not need a brain, oh I swear to god – who needs a fucking brain if you have faith, right?