Author: So-she-wrote-a-poem-about-it PM
There are so many ways to say itRated: Fiction K - English - Romance - Words: 1,584 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 04-12-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3013026
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I know I'm shy, my mouth grows nervous and forms
Shapes that aren't quite words, pushing out things like
Laughter and small talk and imtoocuriousforsmalltalk,
My lips shake as though they're dancing, though really
It's more like sickness, like the words are being torn
And ripped from their homes, an old man in a black jacket
Grabs their shoulders and drags them from their bed,
I sigh and bite my lip, my teeth like little gates, and your
Eyes grow quiet and the room gets still.
I guess I should have left the blinds open.
You make a small movement away and I look down at
My hands, I wonder about insecurity and conversation
Doesmyhairlooknice and what am I really offering that
Keeps you coming back, they are empty hands with
Trembling loins, and I've never really let you inside,
I wonder at my empty palms and why I can't fill them
To the brim, with all the excitement and wonder and
Dreamingofyou this infatuation set in.
A shoulder and a hip, my eyes are never on your
Eyes, I'm always looking at your expression and the
Language of your limbs, how your mouth will flatten
And your fingers grow fragile, how your shoulders will
Straighten and your cheeks tighten, your foot taptaps in
Anger or impatience, some restlessness, I try to recreate you,
Put you down on paper, make you out of words and your
A poem I can read, something I can maybeunderstand, a pen
With a gold rimmed tip draws you out on my skin.
I guess I should look at you straight though,
Cause you're bones not books, a boy not a story,
I guess I should try.
I just get a little lost, with you, your presence like something
I want to really unravel, really know, all of it, everything there is to
And be there, every witty comeback and serious
Opinion, all your concerns, I'm just an observer and I
Don't see a place in your life for me, at times, so
I grow quiet, my eyes active, my lips in a line;
And more alive than any part of me, with any other
Person, is my sight and my hearing and mind.
I'm a bit overwhelmed with you, trying to figure
You out and what you need.
I want to make myself into that figure, that's why I let
My edges grow blurry and my words empty, hiding
Parts of me I'm not ready for you to see.
I don't know why I can't fling open the door
And watch you climb the steps, up to my house and I'd let
You in, my cheeks burning red, there will always be me,
Some soft company, a notebook for your dreams, a bed and
All the things you need. I've got a house and two cats
A place, To learn your secrets and see you constantly, and
All this want, I wonder where it wanders, when you're with me.
Cause sometimes, mosttimes, I am too caught up
In the sounds and the colors, the words falling from your
Tongue, and when you leave and I have space to breathe, I
Realize that you occupy everything
When you are around; When you are around, I am entirely
Absorbed in all of you, your reactions, your quiet and your
Calm, your kindness and your sadness, those things we do
and say and feel, and I shut down, tune myself out, surrender
The floor to you and find that what's inside me, is nothing
To show, in comparison, I'm a pale gray to your golden hue.
And I guess that's shyness, burrowing its bashful head.
I wish I could say things clearer, just let you inside my
Mind so you can feel all these things too. But
I have never been clear thinking, always ,
And with you, it's hard to articulate at all, because I am
So wrapped up, like a gift with a bow, but the bow is around my throat,
Making it look like I can't open at all.
Though, I need to say these things
Before it's late and I'm tired, sickofit, I want to preserve
This sense of intimacy, I need to confess these things and
Maybe have you more than just in memory,
I don't know where your heads at, or your heart
But that's okay, right now I'm not asking, just
Expressing, so you can see.
Put your eyes and your thoughts on me, I'll take
Command and weave this want into something sweet and thin and wafer-like.
I guess I'm scared of time, of shifting emotion and
What if I give up on this and I just need it all to wash out;
Let's move forward, whichever direction you like,
We are crashing like waves and I want to know how
The story ends, there is so much time, but my time is in
My hands and with you, how you make me feel the
Way I do, I see forever, or something like it, stretching
In the sand, and my fingertips keep retracing its pattern
again and overagain.
So I guess I'll just tell you.
All these things, and hope it makes you smile
More than cringe, more than I wonder what will happen to
Her, things happen for a reason, so don't think about that now
You will not break me, I am not so weak, not so fragile
And I've seen every path this road leads us in, I've travelled
It with weary feet and a heavy head, wondering why we
Put so much weight, so much time and heartache, all these
Mainstream emotions into another body, another box
Of bones and blood, I wasn't even looking for or wanting
But here I am again.
Though, I guess you should know; because
You're a different breed, with a good heart, rare
Quality, and that makes all these walls fall through in me.
And I don't know how I can feel all this and still act
The way that I do, couldntcarelessgrin, or maybe that's why,
I'm so scared of what you'll make me, little cowardly girl
shakes her head and says she doesn't want to play, she
never learned the game, so they just turn away.
And what if I fuck it all up, with my words and walls and
Flaws and the things I can't say and the things I can't do
For you, all these voices telling me there is someone better
Out there for him, you could do so much better.
But I won't say that, negativity from my past, I push it
Down with my hand, push it down by its throat, and sit atop
It, the sun shining and you are smiling, there's sweat on
Your brow and I look down at the ground, your gentle
Expression and your gentle hands, I'll climb up from the ground
And keep you there. I don't even care!
You're beautiful, boy.
And I want to make you grin and hold your hand.
I want to be honest and sad and angry with you, I want to
Know what your anger looks like, and your sadness all over
Me, I will expel it or hold it for you, I will take it and
Unweave it with you, whichever, whatever, you want, We can
Be sad and mad and weird together. I don't care!
I just like you.
I like being near you, your company, and I can't help it.
There is something that will always keep me coming back
Everyday wondering what I can be for you.
And maybe this is crazy, we have known each other a small
Second, a few scattered IM's and some halfassedsmalltalk
But it's true, I want you to find a place in my life and
Settle down there, and I don't know where it came from, I really
Really just want you, and it's real,
And I don't know where it will go, I just know I hug you
And I don't want to let go. I just know that you laugh and
I smile too. So it has to be something.
And I forget the point of this letter anyway, trying to tell you
I don't want to shut down on you, and I'm the quietredfacedkid
For a reason. That reason being you, and should I be sorry for it?
And I forget how I'm trying to say it, so you won't feel obligated.
So it won't be toomuchtoosoon, but it's enough. And I already said
I don't know how to play or the right way to go about it, I'm
Always expressing too much, asking when I should be listening,
And I think this will be more confusing, than helpful.
You have been on my mind, of late, whipping up these
Things in my head, and I'd like for you to see them, I have set
Them out on a plate, a platter of sorts, with letters and words
As their meat. You can taste them as you like, Ihaveneverbeen
I guess I just want you to understand.