|The 17 Commandments of Jerseyism
Author: Claire Gerdes PM
A parody of the ten commandments, Jersey style. Based off of a demented skype conversation with my friend Gracie, (Ko Rioth).Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Words: 274 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 04-16-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3014161
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The 17 Commandments of Jerseyism
I. Thou shalt puteth hair extentions onto thy daughter, hair gel on thy sons, and spray tans for all!
II. Thou shalt receiveth tattoos above thy anus also called "tramp-stamps"
III. And to use enough hairspray to killeth all thy haters
IV. Thou shalt frequently use the term "haters"
shalt say "I loveth thy haters", and then maketh a facebook post complaining about them, using the omnipotence of bad grammar and incorrect spelling.
VI. Thou shalt wear sunglasses at 2:00 AM
VII. Thou shalt wear more than one pair of sunglasses at 2:00 AM
VIII. Pop-collar shirts and wife-beaters shalt be the traditional garb of men.
IX. Short, tight dresses and low cut tops pared with constrictingly tight jeans or shorts so tighteth they showeth the anus shall be the garb of women.
X. Thou shalt smoosh and dyeth thy flesh orange.
XI. Thou shalt drink obsessive amounts of achohalic beverages.
XII. Thou shalt honor "The Situation".
XIII. Thou shalt wearith "bling"
XIV. Thou shalt hold and observe the tradition of partying. Every night, thou shalt party, and every morn, thou shalt be hung over.
XV. Also: thou shalt haveth intercourse with men (or women) you don't know and then not remember come the morrow.
XVI. Thou shalt be impregnated by a smoosh-partner, which one is unknown.
XVII. Thou shalt give birth to said smoosh-partners child and then raise it horriably. The more the emotional scarring the better.
AN: Based off a skype conversation with my friend Gracie, half of these are hers. Any typos or grammar mistakes are apoligized for.