The Teenage Guide to Fashion

Rule #1: Make sure you only buy clothes from places considered hip and in, or else you'll be shunned from the social hierarchy (examples: Abercrombie, Hollister)

Pretty much all the expensive stores

Rule #2: Whatever you wear is detrimental to describing your own personal interests and labeling you into a common stereotype

Star Wars shirts= nerd who cares less about the social hierarchy and would rather enjoy a life in front of television or videogames

Name brand shirts= a person who clearly wants to fit into the everyday structure of the normal American teen (Hollister, Abercrombie, etc)

Hardcore rock shirts and slim fluorescent pants= usually an outcast in the social hierarchy; often introverted and referred to as "emo"

Chains, leather, jeans= skater or punk who tries to look cool

Super short skirts = cheerleaders and jealous girls who are over easy and call other girls sluts and whores just because they belong in the same "popular" tier of fashion

Rule #4: Leggings are considered pants

Rule #5: Choose fashion over comfort because clearly looking good is better than feeling comfortable, and it allows you to stay in the social hierarchy

Girls, when it comes to jeans, wear them super tight, even if you can't breathe, because buffing your ass is a lot more sexier than gasping for air

Miniskirts are in so long as they aren't too mini; don't forget you can even wear them in the winter and freeze your ass off; similarly, boys can wear their shorts in the winter if they intend on taking the weather like a man

Girls: wear thongs, because less is more; for a small string going up your ass, you not only make yourself unseeably more "hot", but you get a free wedgie

Guys, wear your pants a mile below your waist and show off your boxers because it's just so ghetto

Rule #6: Remember that the clothes considered "in" are considered "in" today, but may be considered "out" tomorrow; the status of popular clothes changes as fast as it takes a guy to get dressed daily

Rule #7: if you're a girl, make sure you spend at least one hour in each store and try on a single piece of clothing three times before you buy it

Rule #8: and when you do buy clothes, complement it with your other clothes and spend an additional two hours getting dressed each morning so you look like the beautiful princess you are

Rule #10: If your parents don't let you wear a specific piece of clothing, remember that you are cool enough to violate the rules and wear it anyway, so long as they don't know about it

Borrow clothes from your friends that your parents won't let you wear

Buy clothes online in a different name so your parents don't know that it is you, but rather the fake name that wants to buy and wear these clothes

Rule #11: By any means do anything to violate the school dress code because if you do, then you are hip

Rule #12: what eyeliner and makeup is to girls, hot abs and muscles are to guys

Rule #13: make sure at least one of the days of the school week is set aside for pajama day, because then you can be lazy and don't have to get dressed on that said day

Rule #14: wear Ugg boots any time of the year, even with skirts, just make sure you thank the sheered sheep for giving you the opportunity to wear their fashionable yet expensive wooled fur; only girls should wear Uggs; guys in Uggs = Uggly

Rule #15: guys, when wearing shorts make sure they aren't short enough to be short shorts, but aren't long enough to be caprees; find that middle ground; if you're a girl by all means wear short shorts as short as you want to because this is deemed acceptable on the teen hierarchy of fashion

Rule #16: Muscle shirts, tank tops, and beeters showing off major abs make guys look super hunky

Rule #17: Just remember that it is worth it to pay more for jeans with rips in them then it is to pay for jeans without any rips in them