Life is sometimes such a disappointment. According to Abraham Maslow the human has a hierarchy of needs. The most basic ones are the primary needs which are food, sleep, love etc. Then there are the safety needs and one more step up it is the social needs. The assumptions created by Maslow are

Humans have needs, she has different needs and motives for her struggles in life.

Once the lower needs are satisfied, another one, more complex shows up.

In this struggle to satisfy our needs we are shielded from evolving to the final goal.

I cannot agree any more. My life felt worthless for a second when I realized that my friendship for the last six years with another girl is completely neutral. It means we are not friends in a more positive way because we love hanging out together, not a more negative friendship either because we dislike each other. The moments we have, the arguments we have, make it all neutral and equal to zero.

I trusted her to understand me, and she does. Though there are some things she thinks she does not and it baffles me how tiny she thinks of me. Whenever have I denied her of bringing in a new girls to our team? –Never. Yet she does not realize I have nothing against her friends and needed to ask me what I thought. Of course it was very thoughtful of her.

The other problem now was her lack of cooperation. In a friendship there is always a pull and follow. I am always the one to do the pulling so I imagined that once she could be the one to do the pulling instead. When I brought it up, in another conversation related to something else it backfired on me. It turned out I should not have any kind of expectations of her at all. Because that is how is has been and will be. She made it clear that she was not going to change and start getting a grip of herself, do some pulling. I was so shocked at this kind of reply. I had misunderstood her all along. We are not friends. We were just companions back in Junior High who shared the same path, other than that friendship was not on the menu.

I don't know what she thinks of our friendship, but for me it feels anything but friendly and polite. The twilight zone has been trespassed and none of use realized it before it was all too late. She does not want to realize her bad manners towards me, the hurt she has caused me because of her own selfish behavior which I cannot forgive. No one has the right to judge others, even though we do because it is necessary and required (the law) but just between us friends I deserve some respect. Just because she lives differently, in different environment does not make her suitable to judge me. I would be grateful is she was the even slightest supportive but that was asking for too much. A lot separates our way of thinking, and she is not ready to look beyond herself. I cannot stay friends with someone like her, because it frustrates me and makes me sad, of how blind she is to her surroundings.

I am a failure at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I cannot find myself a friend. Is it because I am mentally lacking, not completely sane and normal? But what is normal? Normal is only set by the norms we have in our society so I don't believe I am in any way sick, though the questions pops up sometimes.

This friend of mine is very precious to me, I like our common grounds, and at least those we have and hope one day more common ground can be established.

It is truly a shame. I will do the least bit that is required to the pulling part and wait for the day when she pulls back.