|Barnabas the Hot Dog and Steve the Evil Jellybean
Author: Shadow is Jean Valjean PM
Barnabas the Hot Dog is having a normal day. Untill a Pegasus kidnaps him and takes him far away. Will Barnabas save the world from the threat of Steve the Evil Jellybean? Will the characters follow the plot? Find out in... this story!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 1,427 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 04-25-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3016762
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
One day, there was a crazy hot dog named Barnabas. Barnabas takes to long to type, however, so we'll call him Barry. Anyway, Barry was sitting at his awesome picnic table, when suddenly, a really big Pegasus picked Barry up and flew to who knows where. Barry's hot dog senses were tingling, for he had never flown before. He stretched out his relish arms and shouted, "Yeah! I can fly!" at the top of his voice. The Pegasus shook Barry and whinnied, "Shut up! All the owls from here to Yugoslavia will hear you, and then where would we be?"
So Barry shut up, and let the Pegasus take him to who knows where.
But then Barry realized that something was not right. "If there are owls involved, why are they relying on a Pegasus to take me to them?"
"Don't question the madness, hot dog! The owls get lazy sometimes, OK?" The Pegasus replied a little too haughtily for Barry's taste, and he felt anger flare inside of him.
"No, it is not OK, go back to Greek Mythology, you mangy flea-pelt!"
"That's not even your insult! If you really think I'm going to take orders from you, you should've really come up with your own insult instead of stealing one from Warriors!"
"Well, I can at least reference stuff better than you can, I bet!"
The Pegasus shook its head sadly. "You must not now who you're talking to. I am Jeffery Buster Fernando James Morgan Henry the 14th! I reference stuff left, right up, down, and through portals (see what I did there?)!"
"Well I'm, uh," Barry searched his mind franticly for a long sounding name, "uh, Jasmine Oswaldo Sherman Devan Bob Christopher Feb!"
Jeffery Buster Fernando James Morgan Henry the 14th (JBFJMH14) glared at 'Jasmine Oswaldo Sherman Devan Bob Christopher Feb'. "You're that spy for the Soviets!"
Barry snorted and said, "No, the Soviet Union ended around 20 years ago, mouse-brain!"
"The Soviets are under Russia, planning to destroy the world! And you still can't even think of your own insults!" cried JBFJMH14, "and Jasmine Oswaldo Sherman Devan Bob Christopher Feb is a spy, all sane people know that!"
Barry was about to reply when he heard words being spoken in the gentle-ish call of a Barn Owl.
"If you two are quite done arguing, we have a mission for you, Barnabas."
"H-how do you know my name?" Stammered the nervous hot dog.
"We know many things, Barnabas," the owl replied.
"If you know as many things as you claim to know, you would realize that the author hates typing out the name 'Barnabas', because it takes to long to type."
"If Barnabas takes to long to type," said the owl, "why do we all have really long, ridiculous names like Jeffery Buster Fernando James Morgan Henry the 14th?"
"…I don't know. Hey, aren't we breaking the fourth wall by talking about this stuff?" Barry heard a loud, explosion like sound and shattered wall flew all over the place.
"You guys are fixing that," a voice from above shouted, "and you better not fix it with toothpaste!"
"Who are you, oh wise and mysterious voice that is telling us to do manual labor?" The Pegasus flattened his wings and looked up (and down and through portals and left and right).
"I am someone! I'm here because you nincompoops broke my fourth wall, and to remind you that there is supposed to be a plot to this thing!"
"Wait, what," exclaimed the owl, "there's a plot!'
"Ugh! You guys are morons! Follow the plot that's right in front of you, for crying out loud!"
Barry picked up a folder labeled 'Plot for Barnabas the Hot Dog and Steve the Evil Jellybean' "This looks boring!" Barry exclaimed.
"B-but there's an evil jellybean!"
"So? Your idea sucks! Do you want this to turn into your Phil the Magic Mustache story, because that wasn't funny at all!"
"He's right," said JBFJMH14, "that first one wasn't very funny. Because of that you have to let us run our own story!"
"Fine!" The author was fuming, "Let's see how many favorites YOU get."
The author's voice disappeared (can voices do that?), leaving Barry, the owl, and JBFJMH14 alone. Suddenly, a mustache magically appeared in their midst.
"I'm not funny?" Cried Phil.
"Go to your fanfic, you lame mustache! You don't even have any arms!"
"That was the worst insult ever! You'd be better of stealing insults from Warriors!"
Barry glanced at JBFJMH14, who shook his mane sadly.
"Just leave, Phil," said the owl.
"OK," Phil said cheerily. "Does anyone know where I can find more Warriors to bite? They were delicious!"
"GO PHIL!" Screamed JBFJMH14 , "LEAVE, NOBODY CARES!"
"Ok, Ok, don't get your mane in a square knot!"
Phil disappeared, and the three friends were alone again.
"What now?" asked JBFJMH14.
"Well, this is called Barnabas the Hot Dog and Steve the Evil Jellybean," ventured the owl.
"Yes! Go find Steve," the author shouted.
"Hey! We told you to leave already!"
"So? You don't listen to me, why should I listen to you?"
The owl sighed. "Fine. We'll find Steve if you give me a name."
The author thought for a moment. "Okay! You're Oliver Wilson Lars, or OWL."
"How creative. Why Lars? I'm not related to Luke! That would suck!" Cried Oliver Wilson Lars.
"I don't care! That's your name! Now go find Steve!"
Barry sighed, kicked the author to the moon, and shouted, "Have a nice trip! And yes, we'll get Steve for you!"
"How will we find him?" Asked JBFJMH14.
"Maybe he's in here," said Barry, pointing to a door labeled, 'There is no Secret Hideout Here, and Even if There Were, Steve Would Definitely Not be Here'.
OWL snorted. "Of course he is, what do they think we are, idiots?"
A small voice from the moon answered. "Yes, we all do."
Barry showed his ketchup, and said, "Don't make me kick you to Venus this time!"
The author shut up as the friends walked into the door, and into the bubble gum smelling hideout of an evil jellybean.
"Why does the hideout smell like bubble gum?" Barry asked.
"Maybe he's a bubble gum flavored jellybean…?" JBFJMH14 said uncertainly.
But the real reason was much, much worse. For a mama gumball and her baby gumballs were cowering in a corner.
"Please! Spare me, for THIS. IS. SPARTA!" (sorry, I just had to do that)
"No! Gum good me eat!"
Barry was disgusted, "He talks like Hulk!"
But Steve was undeterred. He reached for a gumball, and-
The scene here is a little, well, um, gross, so when we pick up the story again, there are no more gumballs, and Steve is sleeping off his lunch.
Barry sat, horrified and unmoving. Oh StarClan! How could you! He thought.
"Come on!" Shouted OWL, "We have to avenge the gumballs1 The safest way is to leave dynamite and TNT everywhere, and run before they asplode. Hurry, we've already set the explosives, however, so if you don't get a move on, you'll asplode like Floozy!"
"Does that mean I'll turn into a stomach like Floozy, too?"
"…No. Come on!"
Barry, JBFJMH14, and OWL ran, and they just made it outside when-
All the TNT and dynamite asploded, and Barry sat relived with his friends, when suddenly the author came back, wearing a nice pair of devil horns.
"What's with the devil horns?" Asked JBFJMH14
"Oh, nothing. Just this!"
The author poofed Barry intoAnnaland. Barry screamed as loud as he could, for what was in front of him was the most odious thing he had ever seen. (sorry to the people who want to know what Barry saw, I don't really know)
The author laughed, and was about to poof OWL and JBFJMH14, when OWL said, "Hey, if the author is here, who's writing this?"
The author paused for a second, and pointed at… me (Shadowstroke)
"Shadow, how could you!" JBFJMH14 shouted
"Well, you see, I-" I began
"Why did you poof Barry to Annaland? Bring him back, this instant!"
I grinned evilly. "Nope, sorry. Have a good day!"
And with that, I poofed everyone (even the other author, but not me) into a scary world with Vampires and celebrities.