I'm not going to be stopping soon or even slowing down

I feel like the beginning of a roller coaster, the ascent of that first hill when the cars are hooked and they are gaining all the momentum they will ever need, so much momentum they will never stop. I think I'll never stop.

To anyone looking I am tall enough for this ride. My spine is mostly straight and my heels crack the ground with every step. My vertebrae shake with every click of the coaster cars. If I got any closer to the sky I would melt, like Icarus, and fall.

I can no longer count the number of inopportune pictures taken as we swooped into the dragon's mouth, or the gates of hell, or the eye of the cyclone, that show me floating above my seat, hands clamped onto the bar that is supposed to keep me safe, face furious and panicked. They always show a girl too late, who's realized she can't handle the next descent, who's strapped in anyway.

I will keep my arms and legs inside the ride. I will buckle my belt and pull down the bar. I will let the tracks rattle my ribs until they are all out of order, and if I ever get off the ride I will take a Saturday afternoon to let someone put them back for me. But I don't feel tall enough, and my roller coaster will not let me sleep.