Love Cripples & Repairs Broken Hearts

By: Jaycee M. Smith

Julie

The walls of the hallway to his room are bluish-gray, when they re-modeled the house they did so with his new wheelchair in mind. The doorways are larger to accommodate him, and quite frankly I like them because I'm not exactly a stick myself. His mom is chatting me up the whole way to his room and even as we walk in and Jair is playing his x-box, she is still speaking of the upgrades they're going to make on the house, even though it was just built last year. Jairemy shoos his mother away with one death glare, she gets it and kisses the top of his head and leaves. When the door closes behind her he sighs, flings the controller on his bed and rubs his forehead.

"When will she get that I'm not a baby anymore, Jules?" he asks, his head in his hands. He turns the automatic wheel-chair to turn and look at me. He gives me an once-over with his eyes before gesturing for me to give him a hug, this causes me to slip up and flirtatiously smile before giving him a humongous bear hug.

"After last year she might be like this for a while. She treats you like this because well, you are her Baby. You're the only-child so you're bound to be treated like this but after-" he cuts me off.

"Jules, I know. 'After the accident'. Everything revolves around it, so what! So maybe I can't run or jump anymore, or get myself out of bed on most days, or that I can't pee without one of my mom's assistants." He pauses, slamming his fist down on the arm of his wheelchair. "One day Jules, I won't need any of this anymore." He gestures to his room; all these gears and crap to get him into his own bathroom are on the ceiling, perfectly arranged. "And do you know why?" Instinctively I shake my head no.

"Because one day, I'm going to make myself a new pair of legs and I will walk, run, jog and jump. Just you wait and see." This almost brings me to tears, I know he's right. He's absolutely brilliant; he plans to go to college next fall to get his degree in mechanical engineering.

"Change of subject. I haven't seen you in a while, you don't answer my texts, call's, e-mails nothing. What happened to you Jules? It's like you fell off the face of the earth for a while, not even Jayda could get a hold of you. And that's saying something. And you look well… a mess, no offense or anything." Somehow he knows something is wrong, now isn't the time to tell him though. My off white turtle neck is wrinkled beyond belief from sleepless nights, my jeans have a grape kool-aid stain on the knee and my tennis shoes are worn out, looking in the mirror behind his door I notice just how bad my hair looks, I threw it up into a pony tail this morning, but its blond frizziest is hard to escape, and I didn't bother with my usual eyeliner and mascara. In fact…now that I think about it, I haven't worn make-up in like three weeks. Turning around, Jair is still staring at me wide-eyed. I had to say something to make the silence stop.

"Nothing, just been sick." Well, it's half true. He cocks his head at me, unsure if that's the truth, he sees right through it. He doesn't question it though, he assumes I'll tell him when the time is right, and I will... eventually.

"Well, wanna play some Halo? Get some anger out on noobs?" He laughs; I can feel that I'm blushing.

"Hell yeah! Let's kick some noob butt!" Laughing I retrieve his controller from his bed and dig mine from the bin underneath the TV. As the day turns to night and we successfully kick a lot of newbie butt, he pauses the game and turns to me.

"I don't know about you but my hands are cramping, I'm pretty sure I have carpel tunnel and I'm starving!" he smiles his perfect smile; his teeth are all in line from three years of braces in middle school. His skin is exceptionally clear and he's naturally tan, he has dark chocolate brown eyes and Light brownish blond hair. This with the combination of his upper body being muscular and toned makes him pretty much irresistible. My thoughts are interrupted by my vibrating phone in my back pocket. It's my mother, reluctantly I pick up.

"Jair, wait up it's my mom." I press talk. He sits in the doorway, waiting.

"Julie?"

"It's me mom. What's up?"

"What's up? I've been worried sick about you, that's what's up! You're not in your bed, no note, car gone! What was I supposed to think!"

"Aw hell. Mom, I'm fine! I'm at Jairemy's, I don't know when I will be home, I- I uhm, just needed to get out is all."

"I know why now. I found the test stick in your trash." My knees felt like jelly at that point, my heart was thundering a hundred miles an hour, the only thing in my mind was 'She knows! She knows!' I sat down on the end of Jairemy's bed, head hung low, feeling like well… I was about to toss my cookies.

"Julie, how could you!" she sobs, at this point I know Jair has heard every word she's said since she has a very loud voice and she's been yelling since I got on the phone with her. Staring at me he backs his chair into the room and parks in front of me, I can't help but sit there and be bewildered.

"Why the hell were you riffling through my trash!" My retort came out of me without permission, I knew I was in deep crap as it was; yelling wasn't going to help me at all.

"Because I'm your mother, it's my house, and I was worried! You're only eighteen Julie! You're going to college this fall! What are you going to do with a baby? Better yet who did you sleep with to get this abomination! " I couldn't hold in the tears anymore I began to sob uncontrollably. I shut the phone and threw it as hard as I could on the ground, it broke into three pieces.

"Jules?" he says. Pushing my hands out of my face, of course, he would do that; he would make me melt even though I was already boiling into a mist.

"Look at me Julie." He says. Through tears I see his face, tan skin, brown eyes, and perfectly chiseled contours of his high cheekbones, chin and not too big or small nose. He takes my hands and holds them softly.

"You can tell me anything… You know that Jules. Why is this any different?" I can't speak, my throat has closed off, I can barely breathe, my nose is full of snot, my face is makeup-less and blotchy, and my lips are swollen already. The only good thing that I can think of is that it won't show much because of my weight. This thought is no help to me; it only makes me cry harder.

"I'm- s-s-sorry!" I stuttered and a single tear ran down his face.

"I'm here Jules, I'm here. I'll never leave you, no matter what happens." He gets himself out of his chair, sits next to me, and then lies down. I curl myself into him, crying until I have no tears left and my eyes and nose are red. He smoothes my hair back and just lays there, I take in his scent; axe mixed with his favorite gum; spearmint. After a while we both collect our pride and dignity and have a mature adult conversation about the day's events… and the few weeks before as well.

"Was it Rich? Did he do this to you?" he asks quietly, avoiding my gaze.

"Yeah… after Prom… I don't remember anything really… I know that we got back to Amanda's, I had a few drinks… he brought me the last one. He spiked it, I'm almost sure of it, there's no other way, I would remember everything if he didn't. After that it's fuzzy, I remember him being on top of me, saying he loved me a million times and that's where it ends. I woke up the next morning, and he was already on the plane to Florida. I'll never see him again Jair… He left." A few tears made their way down my swollen face only to multiply and stain my sweater some more. He rubbed my back in small comforting circles.

"You don't need him… I need you to hear this Jules, you have to understand, he used you, he never loved you… I want you to know why I told you that. I told you that because I know you loved him, and you'll always believe in the good side of him, but Hun, there isn't a good side of him anymore, you needed to hear it. I think that maybe now that you've had a chance to hear it, maybe… maybe it will sink in." I knew in my heart he was painfully right. I hated to admit it, but he was.

"Jair… I want- no need to tell you something." I began, taking his hands in mine, and looking right into his eyes.

"I'm pregnant." I paused, the lump in my throat barely allowed that, I pushed past it. His breath was caught in his throat, his eyes bore into mine, fear enveloping they're every fiber. "And Jairemy Thomas Wingram, I love you." He was stunned, I could tell that much. I kissed his hand, and left his room.

Jairemy

'Whoa', at that point in time that was all that was running through my mind. My heart felt as if it had gained a size or two, I knew I loved her too, but I couldn't convey it in words. She had just told me she's pregnant, by another man, and that she loves me. Why couldn't she have told me this sooner? And not be well, pregnant, the word is like tar on my tongue.

She kissed my hand and then began to shut the door behind her; quickly I threw myself back into my chair with all the strength I had left. And threw the dammed thing into gear, there wasn't a chance in hell I was about to lose her, again. Pushing open the door, and zooming past my mother, I caught up to her just as she was about to leave.

"Julie! Wait!" I yelled, still going as fast as possible. She paused at the door, did a double take. Wiped her face with her sleeve and stepped back into the house and closed the door.

"Jules, you don't have anywhere else to go…" She nodded, pulling a thread from her sweater until it unraveled in her hand.

"And... you don't have to go anywhere." She looks up as the words slide seamlessly from my lips. "Stay here, with me and my parents, we can settle everything… my mom can talk to yours and then we can get your grades back up and sign you up for dual-enrollment…and you can choose." I pause. "You. Can choose what to do about the baby, I will support you no matter what… Jules… I love you too." I said softly, a tear escaping my eye. I wiped it away quickly. She strolled over me, tears rolling down her face. She stared down at me for a moment, then sank to her knees and put her face in my lap. I patted her back and rubbed her while she cried, she sat up.

"I don't think you realize how long I've wanted to say that to you… I love you." She said again, smiling. I couldn't help but grin myself because that was how I felt too.

"I love you too." I said, suddenly my mother rounded the corner, tears brimming her eyes as well.