Haunted Without You

Day 1

Dear Owen,

My heart is tired. I have been putting too much of pressure on it and it's showing me the signs to finally quit. I can see myself struggling and besieged to such an extent that I finally see the dark. I am finally seeing the end of my life Owen.

I just don't believe it's making a way towards me. But sometimes I do, under yellow mild sunlight, I beam up my face to inhale it's warmth which feels quite similar by the aura of my allies. I can surely feel it's making a way towards them and when it does reaches their destination I see myself fading away, even if they do not desire me to vanish, they still can't change the path, it simply rules. A dominant part of us all.

Ever heard about love ? .

Painful , pointless.

Today nurse Sara came to my ward, her beaming smile showing a set of perfect white pearls makes me ease for a fraction of seconds , but then the pain returns again Owen , both physical and emotional. She started of by checking my heart rate, her crease on her forehead made it quite obvious that it wasn't getting stable. Prominent enough, she checked my uneven breathing too, more of to that , she replaced the drips pricking me here and there.

" You look weak dear. Here, I got you some breakfast to eat."

Her warm hand cradled my face and I wished she kept it on my forehead for a while longer. I clutched the bed sheets to get a fine grip and abruptly pushed my self to sit. It had been sixteen hours since I layed straight, I could barely move.

I have been here for three months now, and by each passing day I pray for death to come upon me and just take me away from my paralyzed state. Every day feels like a marathon. Every day I think about you, think about the only person who loved me and to whom I could give anything. I wish for your prosperity and I also wish that I could just see you once before I die but I can't. The doctors here say that I can survive for only a month.

I have been such a big coward Owen, I haven't done fair to you or me. But life hasn't done fair to us both. I am marking my days before I die. I want you to know what I did in these thirty days Owen, I want you to know what I thought of every minute, I want you to know what I wished for every minute, but most of all I want you to know what I would have done if you were here with me and I wouldn't have been such a liar.

I want my last days to be a strength for you, so that you'll know that I did tried to return the love you gave me, I did, with every bit of my soul. I am going through a tragedy here, I just want to be heroic and save my life because I have a short one to live.

Day 2.

Dear Owen,

Today had been weaker. Nothing new to add to what I already know of. Each morning of mine begins with the very first time you gave me that endearing look.

10 October 2010

Breathing heavily, he leaned over, resting his hands on his knees. Taking a quick sip of water from his bottle, he glanced towards his coach, trying to pay attention to what he was saying.

"Where the hell is the defence, Owen? I see five basketball players in front of me drenched in sweat, when out there on that court I'm seeing a lazy ass watching that ball pass by him without a second thought. Arms up, heads in the game, and keep the wall solid, you hear me? Nothing gets by. Nothing."

Nodding his head, he looked around to find his teammates eyes now upon him. His coach looked at him expectantly. He straightened up and pushed his hair back out of his eyes, just a frequent habit he had.

Practice. That's what all he could do to distract the immerging thoughts of her. He had utterly slummed his summer thinking of her, he could do nothing beside just think of her, or if he shall put in this way , he wouldn't even want to wander his mind to think if he might actually go upto her and converse without getting kicked in the balls.

That feisty look, her infuriating charm , that's what all it took for him to be head over heels for her.

" Valorie." He muttered and sighed as he saw her walking past the football ground.

His eyes scrutinized to her way, she seemed to be in a hurry, she always was, wanted to be a head first against time as always. She took quick steps in her faded blue jeans and clutched her notes tight against her red blouse. Her loosely tied bun swayed and left few strands to frame her face. He kept watching her as a sudden jerk made her stumble and fall on her knees and making her notes litter the ground. She lifted her hands in distress.

Owen found himself walking towards her , was he helping her ? the idea seemed strange to him as well.

" Don't ". She said in a monotone and jerked her head up to protest again.

" Are you always this bitchy , I was just trying to help." He quivered his brow while throwing the remark at her.

" Jocky players and help do not fit in a sentence, it's against grammar law."

" Really, and who says so ? a nerd who has nothing in life expect to mug up a dictionary ?" . He had that raised eyebrow demanding an answer again.

" Yeah, may be far enough improvising rather then banging few blondes out of boredom." She retorted, knowing of how precise of a bad player he was.

" Or may be , to subsidize a frustration of an unlucky virgin." There, he said it felt her eyes twinge as a layer of moisture covered them. Why does he has to embark it again and again?. She loath him to the least.

" You might think that making me weak may give you an opportunity to get into my pants but you better re consider the fact that not in a millennia you would ever learn to charm some one without being cocky as fuck." She saw him losing his smirk and with that she left , shoving people angrily to make her way out of the ground and his filthy presence.

Owen sighed frustratingly, He did it again. No matter how much of a reserve person he tries to be around her , he just loses it. May be it's really time to let her go , they just don't seem to get along, not in a millennia as per her saying. But the idea of not seeing her itslef plunged daggers in his heart.

He needed to forget this brunette. Forget about how her chocolate brown eyes deluded him in anger. He wasted no time as he sprinted out towards the football ground. Practice, the fine way to blend his thoughts into every blur and folds except hers.

Day 3

Dear Owen,

I'm not sanctimonious, I'm just afraid that people will think there's nothing else out there, like I did. This time last year, maybe not to the minute or anything, but at least roughly the same date, I was wrapped up in my own little bubble-land of boy-definition and no astoundingly your image did the tricks.

I had no idea about how you felt about me back then, I really did thought of you as a play boy , but certainly you weren't , your charm did started to work. But I knew , I couldn't let them work on me despise , I was afraid of only one thing.

The outcome.

11 October 2010

She lay on her bed grabbing onto her favorite quilt and trying to shut her eyes to sleep. She couldn't let that jerk of a guy ruin her righteous bit of life she had in high school. Just go onto ignoring him routine, yeah that sounds eligible and with that she let her self drift into a squat sleep.

Valorie sat down in the plush chair comfortably as she started to chat with her lab partner animatedly.

Opening the door, in came Owen Saunders and Valorie sighed out loud.

"Blow up the lab again?" She asked rudely as Owen took the seat next to her. His green eyes turned to face her and he smirked at her.

"No,Valorie. You see, I was too busy with Chloe and we spent time together last night and you know how that usually goes. Oh wait, you don't! You never had a boyfriend. Too frigid I suppose."

" Shut it loser."

"Ahh, is that it? I work so hard to come up with comebacks and you bestow that one on me? Valorie, I don't know what to do? Shoot myself, slit my wrists? What do you think?"

" I think you need to shut up ".

" Why don't you make that mouth useful then,Valorie?" His eyes bored lightly as he grinned at her.

Valorie shifted in her seat feeling the way his comments were leading to , in came professor Paul rescuing her. She tilted her head towards the professor to pretend some mere focus. But she could feel the goose bumps on her arms as she sensed Owen's gaze boring into her back the entire lecture.

He's so immature and pathetic sometimes.

Valorie thought while munching on her cheese sandwich in cafeteria.

I will admit though that he is very attractive. He'd be more so if he wasn't so nasty to me. I don't really know why he and I can't get along. I mean, sure, we don't exactly have tons in common, but there's no reason why we should hate each other. Well, other than what happened a few years ago, but I know he isn't aware at all of that anymore.

I swear, I think he has a new girlfriend every week. It's disgusting! Can't he keep it up for one girl, and not a different weekly girl? I actually fear that he will die alone for his Casanova like ways.

Valorie's train of thoughts were suddenly distracted by a chair's screeching noise as Owen pulled it behind to take a seat across her.

" Who invited you to my table ?" Valorie said getting aggravated again.

" I invited my self." He said shrugging his shoulders.

" I'm sorry " . He said after a pausing for a brief second.

" What ? ". Startled by his words, she needed to mull at the echo of it over and over again. What ? now he's apologizing to her ? for what , she wasn't going to get trapped in his maze any ways, so why be so keen to him at the first place?

" I said I am sorry." He said averting his gaze away from her.

Valorie , more intimated by his words nudged in playfully.

" What for?"

" You know, me being cocky….and er not that of a gentlemen, I'm raising a white flag here, sincerely!." He gushed the words out instantly.

" You don't expect me to believe that , now do you ?" .She raised her eyebrow before huffing.

" I do!, like seriously Valorie, why do we hate each other ?, damn, we don't even have a reason to hate each other that much!" . He said in disbelief.

" That's all crap.." She said, placing her sandwich on her table while standing up to leave.

" Which part?" Owen followed after her.

" All of it ! " Valorie nearly screamed as she fled towards the long endless hall.

Owen grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. He stteped in closer to close the distance between them. He eyed her dangerously.

" What ever it is you are running from, it better not be me , because I'm not going to spare you for a single day without being with me , I won't even hesitate to drag you along with me , because you know what ? You're too chicken to say that you like me too. I've seen it Valorie!, We've known each other for five years and all those shenanigans of ours were nothing than a simple example of care, believe it or not, I won't Leave you. Understand it sooner, the better."

His grip loosened as he starred into her widened eyes. With one last glance he leapt away into the corridors leaving her to solve the deepest dark astray of her life ever.

Day 4

Dear Owen,

Nurse Sara had me shifted to another bed. I didn't like it, it faced a wall and I couldn't see what kind of day it was, the window was too far away. But every morning I would ask the person laying at the near bed against the window to tell me what sort of day it was.

He told me how beautiful the azure sky was, He told me how warm the lazy sunlight was, he told me how scenic the birds flew.

I sighed as his description used to relax me, pleased with his unending relating, I let my mind wander to predict each day as perfect he described it to be.

But he died today.

Now I have no one to tell me how every day looks like. How the sun shines and the wind blows. I felt completely distraught until nurse Sara grimly told me that he was blind. I stared her with a shock so deep and felt tears rolling down my face.

A blind man used to give me a perfect scenic description every day and I would believe him without any query. Ultimately he gave me courage to live every day, to assume what world looked beyond this four walled ward. I just couldnt seem to understand his kindness.

He reminded me of how simple it is to assume and make your self drift away from pain. All you needed was to assume and you can live. One more priority to my check list.

Assume. And I will live without pain.