Author: rmjourdan PM
What's eating you? First person POV. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Horror - Words: 1,124 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 05-07-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3020391
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
You know me well.
We've been together most of your life, you and I. We have a very intimate relationship. I doubt anyone will know you as well as I, and I as well as you.
We are inseparable.
You can't escape me, nor do you want to. Why would you? I give you what you know they never can. You come to me with your troubles, your worries, your fears. I answer you with love and kindness. How do they react? They scream and yell and buffet you with their words. A desperate plea for attention met with anger and hatred. Why would you ever trust them more than you trust me?
I've always been here, though I haven't always been as big as I am now. I'm glad that you nurtured me so well. I started out small; so small I barely existed. But you helped me become larger and larger, and gave me so much to feed on. Now I'm so big, I'm almost as big as you. You're big, too, though you're made of different things than I am.
Do you remember when we first met each other? It was beautiful, that meeting. I'll never forget it. I know you haven't, either. My brothers and sisters have met other people just as I've met you, though the circumstances are generally different. My brothers and sisters are fed well, just as you've fed me. And they grow and grow, just as I've grown. We're all very big. We're everywhere, too. Everyone needs us just as badly as you need me.
Remember when they told you that I was bad? Remember when they told you that you should let go of me, that it would be better for you? I'm glad you didn't listen to them. I'm glad you listened to me instead. I was right, wasn't I? You knew I would be. I always am. That's why you always do as I say. Because only I know what's good for you.
They've met me before. That's why they're so scared. They think that maybe if they can break us apart now, while we're both still small, that you'll be okay. That I won't grow as large as they've seen my brothers and sisters grow. But they're wrong. You know that they're wrong just as well as I know that they're wrong.
But go ahead. Try it. I'd like to see it. I think it might be sort of amusing. You'll pretend that I'm not here, and I'll even let you live without me for a little while. I'll sleep inside, where it's warm and comfortable, and you'll go at it by yourself. You'll come back to me, though. You always will, no matter what happens.
Because no matter where you are and who you're with, I'll always be here. Screaming, crying, clawing, tearing, ripping, thrashing, breaking to the surface where you don't want me to be seen. I'll destroy that pretty little façade of yours and show them all that I'm here. I won't be ignored. Not by you and not by them. I'm always here, and I'll be damned if I let you forget that.
You fostered me, you can't just ignore me! Who are you to try and push me away? Who are you to tell me that I have to go away now? That's not okay. It'll never be okay. I won't allow that. No. I'm here. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!
Try ignoring that. You don't like that? Well it's true. I'm part of you! You created me! How do you destroy something that you created yourself? You can't. You're not strong enough. You love me far too much, because I am you and you are me. Would you destroy part of yourself? I don't think you could even if you wanted to, but you'll never want to.
Look at me.
You've made me so dirty.
I used to care about you. How could you do this to me? I was the only one that cared about you! Why would you make me this ugly thing? You see me. I know you do.
Other people use mean words to describe me.
Black, dirty, filthy, grimy, disgusting, annoying, overpowering, wrong, gross, decrepit, oily, greasy, slick, controlling, wrong.
They say that I'm like a drug. You try me on, and you like me. But then you can't stop. You know that I'm bad for you but you can't stop because oh God it's so good! You're dependent on me. Don't worry. I'll take care of you.
Now look at yourself.
You look just like I do.
You look just like the rest of them, too.
You couldn't see it before, because they didn't want you to. But now look. We all look the same. Can't you tell?
They have me, just like you do. They've fed me and I've grown. Now I can join my brothers and sisters and together, we'll destroy all of you. We love you, but we hate you. We hate you for thinking you could live without us, we love you for coming back. The hate is so strong. Just like how you hate us. You don't love us, but you need us. So we'll take your hate and give it back to you.
We'll make you the dirty ones. We'll make you the ones that no one wants to acknowledge. We'll just pretend that you aren't there. We'll make you disgusting and filthy and wrong and gross and so hideous that no one can bear the sight of you.
Now you're the monster that you made us!
We're not monsters. You are.
Something to kept in the dark. Something to be hidden away. Something that society can't see, can't know about. Be a dirty little secret. Be that thing that everyone knows exists but no one dares speak of. It's okay. Everything will be okay. Just so long as you don't tell anyone.
We'll take care of you.
Because we know you so, so well.
A/N: Just a little thing I knocked out following an argument. Please excuse any incoherence.