Author: Spiral Dreams PM
My name is Charlie Galaxy. My ex blew up my house with a bazooka this morning and it's being rebuilt by magical hamsters. I'm stuck wearing clothes which set fire to people who come near me. Oh, and I have these rainbow-coloured socks. Contains FemslashRated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 26,519 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 05-25-12 - Published: 05-11-12 - id: 3021540
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's note: I've written the next few chapters for this in advance. If anyone likes it, comment and review and I'll upload the next chapter. =)
Red and white striped cardigan. Short black polka-dotted skirt. Purple leather wristbands. Rainbow-coloured socks. Mint-green lipstick. Cheese-themed scarf. Slightly sooty foundation. Real soot, if you looked closely.
Maybe not quite the winning attire for a job interview.
I shifted my attention to the first of my two interviewers seated opposite. I'd been gazing out the window, dreaming of mice.
"Thank you for coming, Miss Galaxy," said the first man. They were both dressed very smartly in matching suits and ties. On this occasion they also had matching haircuts. "I trust you found our company's office without too much difficulty."
He was being diplomatic. I had turned up ten minutes late, although it really hadn't been my fault at the time. The second man was staring at my clothes as if transfixed. Was it the socks? Everyone loves rainbow-coloured socks.
"Firstly, my associate and I have been reviewing your application and wish to ask you a few brief questions about yourself." The interviewer reshuffled the papers in his hand and sat back in his chair. "You studied at Sewerford College for three years?"
It was several seconds later before I'd realised I was supposed to nod. Numbly, I did so.
"What experience do you have with equilinear programming?" enquired the second man.
I brightened up, hearing a question I could answer properly.
"None whatsoever," I said happily. "What is equi-bleh-bleh-bleh anyway?"
The two men exchanged glances for a moment.
"It is an essential part of the job," said one of them. "Should I explain the other core parts of the job?"
"Sure," I gushed, licking one of my fingernails tentatively. It tasted great. "What job is this again?"
The other interviewer thinned their lips sternly. "Miss Galaxy, do you even know why you are here?"
"No," I said cheerily. "But I could have sworn I wrote it down somewhere." I began to pat the pockets of my cardigan.
The two men both shared a long-suffering look between them.
"Have we mixed you up with someone else?" said the first man, looking more than a little worried. "It says here that you are Charlie Galaxy of Wood Thirteen, holding a professional license of K&Q for over three years - "
"That's me," I confirmed.
" - and that you are applying here to be a line manager as head of our equilinear programming project."
I thought about this for a moment. "I don't think so. I'd have remembered that." Licked the other fingernail. It tasted great.
"So..." The other interviewer spread his hands in an effort to connect to the web of logic. "Let me get this straight. You are Charlie Galaxy, but you came for an interview to a different job..."
"I think so."
"...but you can't remember what it was?"
I grinned. "I can't remember what time it was. Or whether it's still the full moon. Or whether I met the two of you in a parallel universe a long time, only you were aliens, and you were shooting at me, but I sneezed and the force of my sneeze blew you away until this guy came out of nowhere and punched you in the face."
No doubt about it. They were both staring at me now.
"That was a dream I had," I explained, just in case they were confused somehow.
The first man sighed. "Do you always act like this?"
Now I was confused. "Like what?"
"I think we're wasting our time here," the second man muttered. He had his head in his hands. "Kid," he said to me seriously, "you're in the wrong interview."
My hackles rose. "Don't call me "kid"," I snapped, my eyes flashing.
"You're kind of dressed like one," he replied wearily, without malice.
"That was not my fault." I shook my head stubbornly. "How was I to know my house was going to burn down and take all my other clothes with it?"
The two of them were newly dumbfounded this time. The first man blinked several times.
"Your house got burned down?" he repeated.
"Yeah. This morning." I didn't bother to keep the annoyance out of my voice. "My ex fired a bazooka at the toaster. That'll take hours to rebuild. Along with my breakfast. Not that I'm rebuilding my breakfast. That wouldn't make sense. And be too funny." I started cackling shrilly.
"Do you think you could leave now?" the second man pleaded.
My eyes widened. "Did I get the job? Whatever it was again."
"I'd really like to know what job she really applied for," the first man muttered darkly. "As long as it's nowhere near our department."
"Did I get the job or not?" I repeated. I bounced up and down in my seat excitedly.
"Yes! Yes, you got the job!" The second man looked on the verge of tears. "Will you please leave us alone now?"
I shrugged and skipped out of the open window.
We were on the ground floor, so it was all fine.