(Author's note: I had this sad realization during my Humanities class a while back… And when I pointed it out to my teacher, expecting him to explain some fine point of politics that I'd missed, he just smiled at me… Enjoy! ~not Ross)

Dear Mr. Presidential Candidate Smith,

I've seen your place in the polls. You clearly need help. I have just the thing for you – a sure-fire way to win the hearts of America overnight.

Look at the economy. Look at people's opinions of the economy. What are you going to do about that? You're going to cut spending! You're going to eliminate corruption! You're going to tax the rich! You're going to make it easier for Joe the plumber to find clogged toilets! Tell them how you are the next superman of economic recovery. Tell them how you will make sure the government tightens its belt like a starved explorer. They want a president who will CHANGE things.

Trust me. They will love you.

Best wishes,

Your Advisor

…

Dear Mr. President Smith,

Congratulations on the victory! I knew you could do it. You won the hearts of America overnight. Everyone is thrilled.

Disregard everything I said to you in my previous letter.

People don't really want to have their belts cinched up like that. They say they want the government to clean up its act and stop deficit spending, and then they send their congress-people angry letters complaining about their poorly staffed public schools and their increased taxes. They want to cut spending without cutting THEIR spending. If you do anything you promised to do, you'll have no chance of getting re-elected next term.

So what should you do? Keep throwing money at the school systems. Keep throwing money at poor people. Keep throwing money at anyone who asks for it. But for the love of everything good, do NOT mention that you're doing it. Keep promising. If someone asks you anything, just promise, promise, promise; promise to cut back on that pesky spending that everyone secretly loves so much. Never do. And that's how you'll be re-elected.

Trust me. They will hate you until you talk to them. Then they will love you again.

Best wishes,

Your Advisor