As said in the description, this contains no fanfiction whatsoever. It is based off of Brian Doyle's "The Greatest Nature Essay Ever," but I still don't believe one would consider this to be fanfiction, so please kindly don't freak out and start lecturing me on there being another site specifically for that genre of writing. Thanks, I appreciate it.

The greatest fanfic ever…would begin with an author's note so brief and pertinent and confidence-inspiring in the author that you would stop surfing the archives of , pull your headphones off, settle your rump more thoroughly into the cushions of the computer chair, sweep your bangs out of your eyes, gently remove the cat from your lap (sorry, Fluffy), yell at your little sister that it's still your time on the computer, why doesn't she go play with some Barbies instead of crying to mom?, and read through all twenty-eight chapters, swearing that those characters in that setting would say exactly this while doing exactly that, but their story has never been told quite this way, and you think, God, this is why I read fanfiction, to be sucked in and entertained like that, wow.

The first four chapters would believably and scrupulously develop a history, seemingly a short history, a brief tie-in, quickly accepted as true, something that allows the characters' stories to be carried on in this story without feeling pushed or badly stitched by a fan who became a writer so that they could put the characters into situations that they would never be caught dead in, merely a continuation of an already well-loved tale starring already well-loved heroes and villains, but an out-of-the-blue theme leaps at you and gives the fic its uniqueness and plot, and you are thrown into a vortex that slams a feeling of rightness deep in your chest, and you actually emit a squeal of delight in true fangirl/boy fashion, your voice pitches crazily, and much later, maybe when you're trying to reconcile with Fluffy as you allow her to wallow in your homework, you think, Man, I haven't felt something so real for such a long time, and now I've found it on the internet. How can that be? Seriously, that's fucked up.

The next twenty chapters then charge headlong to the epiphany-filled climax. The chapters become longer as the action picks up, extending to the point that someone less interested in this wonderfully wrought, only partly original story just might consider too long, its paragraphs bulging right up against each other, reaching for the margins of the webpage the tale sits in. Each paragraph, each chapter, is filled with images that, while fantastical in places, fit perfectly with what's expected. There's no canon character falling in love with the dreaded, despised Mary Sue (there's no Mary Sue at all), the laws governing the characters' universe aren't suddenly thrown out the window for something the author deemed more appropriate, and the effects of the initial conflict are still felt, giving a reason for the path the characters' have decided to trek down. The threads of the fic have been glued together like the pages in the spine of a legitimate book that's not likely to fall apart soon.

Then, an out-of-character (for the author, not the people she/he's maneuvering) chapter blips onto your screen, not even requiring you to scroll down to finish reading the section. This is the chapter the previous twenty-four have been chugging along towards, and rather than being the round of fireworks you'd expected, it's as simple as the crackle and pop of a log resettling itself in the fireplace in your, in anyone's, living room. The pinnacle of the fic had been reached and fulfilled in just a few, nearly calm paragraphs, and then ends, allowing what has just happened to sink in. It's followed by another comparably short chapter that shows that the characters have been going through the same shock you have; they can't believe the story's over either.

The last few chapters appear and wind down the story for us, showing the characters adapting to their new lives without boring the readers who are full of the knowledge that the fic is about to end. These chapters offer some solace, help to ease the ache of losing this diversion that you've devoted yourself to for the last week or so. Some fics are just a single chapter, oneshots, while some stretch on for dozens of installments, rarely hundreds. This fic is the perfect compromise, able to give more detail than the first of the fics mentioned, but feeling more important than a saga that drags on and on and may not be finished for years, and that's if it's author doesn't drop off the face of fandom, leaving their readers unfulfilled, potentially forever. The last few chapters are the cumulative epilogue, returning the characters to the history set up in the first four chapters, though allowing for a new atmosphere, one that leaves the events of the last twenty-two floating in all the minds of the involved characters that they don't articulate, maybe even fear to, but they all address in subtle habits that have changed or in new tics that have formed what has occurred. And, while you're left feeling satisfied that the fic has come full circle, all without you having to leave your computer chair, your left praying that, despite the fic obviously being marked 'complete,' you might be able to coax one more chapter out of the author if you leave them a gushing, more than favorable review. But, even as you finish typing your emotions and praise out onto the pop-up window that's appeared, you already feel that you know what their reply will be: It's done.

Thanks for reading! This was the second draft of the first prompt we wrote in my most recent Creative Writing class.