CHAPTER V

The walk back to the farm had given me a chance to reflect. Something significant had happened, but it was almost impossible to explain.

A weight had been lifted. A comforting weight. The weight of the knowledge that I had no control over my life, it was all set out before me. Suddenly I was confronted with a vast number of choices. It was not a pleasant feeling: this was simply a different kind of suffocation.

All my life I had had my choices made for me. My father had made the decision that I would grow up the the Mothers, after he had accidentally impregnated the server girl who worked in his kitchens. My true mother.

She had now married a new man. Unusual for a woman who had already birthed a child, but she was pretty and simple, and easy for man to enjoy. I reminded her new husband that she had not always belonged to him, and subsequently I had only met her the once. A tense, vaguely awkward affair aged eleven. Still she had sent me to Grandma Elsie, who was more than a mother could ever hope to be. At least in my experience.

I quite often found my mind dwelling in the past. The more frustrated or worried I felt, the more thoughtful I became. The fleeting moment to make a change would pass while I was stuck inside my own head, and I would end up setting down a road I had never intended.

Gabriel was the opposite. Feet planted firmly in an optimistic future. I couldn't imagine what sort of future lay for Gabriel. He was everything the Compound didn't need. Compassionate, kind, gentle - this counted nothing trapped between these cruel fences.

The cramped confines of the inner district had long since given way to the rolling farmland of my home. The dilapidated shack that Gabriel and I called home was nothing more than a minor blimp on the landscape. A red sun set, silhouetting the chain in the distant fence in gold.

"How was it?" Gabriel asked, his eager blue eyes searching my face. He must have not been home for long – one boot still enclosed one foot.

"Fine," I said, praying that he didn't probe further.

He seemed to sense that I was not in the mood for talking. "The boss left me bring some food home for you."

I groaned, "He noticed I was gone?"

"He always does," Gabriel smiled, "I told him you were ill."

"Good," I replied, before diving into the thick meaty stew. The emotion of the morning had made me famished.

Knowing better than to disrupt me whilst eating, he began to remove his worn work clothes. I averted my eyes. Boys and girls lived separately in the dormitories at the Mothers. I did love Gabriel, but in the way you love a dear friend. Sure, there were moments in the summer, when the heat reached it's pinnacle and outdoors labour became nearly impossible. Then Gabriel would take off his shirt, the sweat glistening on his tanned back and the muscles tensing as he repaired an enclosure or tilled the soil. I would find my gaze lingering a moment too long. Find myself longing to reach out a hand. Discover I wanted to caress the damp skin...

But these moments were few and far between.

The next day I spent working on the farm. Leaving work would mean unveiling my plans to Gabriel. Luckily, the weather had cooled slightly. The heat, which had been so oppressive earlier in the week, had settled.

The baby lamb, born on that same day, was making excellent progress. He would enter the field soon, with all the rest of his family. I wondered if he would be excited if he knew, and whether the old mother ewe missed the rest of flock. Probably not.

A day on the farm what exactly what I needed. The physical labour tired me out, making it almost impossible to think. Some thoughts broke the barriers though: would I make it to the end of my training; where would I be stationed; and, most worryingly, what was Kai doing.

A/N: I know, I know, near shameless fluff. So shoot me:)

Don't worry, lots of conflict coming up in the next chapter, as Hazel begins her training in proper.

I hope you are all still enjoying this. Please let me know any suggestions, especially if you can think of a name for a certain dapple-grey, brave little pony...