Hello, this is my first fic, so flames are allowed! I have an account on FanFiction as well (I am Reyna daughter of Bellona), so check me out there as well! Two of my friends (ThunderClap1995 and Hugs6) are on here as well, so put them on author alerts! We've never met in real life, but we all have FanFiction accounts.

Please visit my profile to read about the threat SOPA is the FictionPress. That's all for now… Oh yeah, this is ONE-SHOT! Please tell me what you think! Now here's the story:

Guilt

That face, that smile… It still haunts me to this day. It was my fault he died. And I know it. That's the guilt...

After that tiring trip to the career center, I couldn't help but enjoy the bus ride back home. All of us lived in the same apartment complex, so there was no need for good-byes. After all, even though we graduated and were almost working kids, we saw each other everyday.

Except…

Jared. He was on death's doorstep. Being the assistant to a doctor, you'd think I'd recognize it immediately. But I didn't. That was the guilt that weighed down on me.

We were just fooling around when I noticed him, sleeping in the front seat. That struck me as weird. Usually, he would be jumping up and down the seats, trying to lock people in the bathroom at the back. Today, he was sleeping in the front. Since no one was watching, I made my way to the front of the bus. His breathing was uneven, and I thought for a second that he was playing a joke on me. His brown hair stuck out at weird angles, pink lips moist. Cute.

He was burning up, and I thought that was the sun… In the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't the case.

I held his hand for a while and then stood up before making my way back to my seat.

The coach bus hurtled along the highway, bouncing at every turn. Soon, the bus stopped for a lunch break. Jared was still passed out at the front of the bus. His face seemed peaceful. I shook him awake.

"What?" he asked, jerking out of his sleep.

"It's lunch break, sleepyhead," I replied.

He groaned, sitting up. I saw a flash of pain in his eyes. Was something bothering him? He smiled, and my worries melted away. Jared was fine. He was just tired, that's all. We're having fun. It's scary how Jared has that effect on me. Whenever he smiled, I would start thinking all positive, forget myself, and get lost in those warm, brown eyes.

People wanted to pair the two of us up for ages, but I stubbornly refused to show my affection. It's funny how that sort of thing works. The more I like him, the farther apart we get and the more determined I got to not like him. But that was impossible. And I knew it.

After the lunch break of pelting bread at pigeons, the ten kids loaded back onto the coach bus.

Jared was hanging out with us in the back again. He looked tired, but happy… But something was different. Something wasn't right. I couldn't place my finger on it exactly. I was having too much fun to notice that Jared was in pain… and the fact that he had that deadly fever. That was why the guilt rested on my shoulders and my shoulders alone.

I dozed off while sitting in that bumpy bus.

I awoke to the sound of screaming and panic. Bolting upright, I looked around wildly. Elena, this girl with blonde hair and green eyes, was bent over a seat. The bus driver shot an annoyed look at us. I scrambled over to Elena, who was frozen with shock. Even before I reached the seat, I knew it was Jared.

He was collapsed on the seat, breathing uneven, shirt soaked with sweat, shivering, eyes closed, and his skin burning hot.

I felt the dread sink in. How did I not notice it before? Jared said he was prone to fevers and other sicknesses years ago. And he went with me to the scarlet fever wing… he must've caught it. Gosh, I had been stupid.

"Stop the bus! Get to that rest place right there. Someone here is having a seizure!" someone behind me shouted. I didn't know who it was. I was too worried about Jared.

Elena's hand rested on my shoulder. "What should we do?"

My mouth was dry. I couldn't respond. Finally, I croaked, "Get him to that picnic table. Then, go get some water from the fountain and soak it in a piece of cloth or something. Or an ice-cold water bottle from that vending machine right there – whichever one is fine. Just do it!"

Elena and five other kids scrambled to get the water. The remaining two helped me carry Jared off the bus. The bus driver was hanging back, careful not to get in our way, his face ashen gray. I guess it wasn't everyday someone died on his bus.

I lowered Jared onto the hot surface of the picnic table. Even there, he shivered. I panicked. Was it this bad?

Then, Elena ran over with an ice-cold water bottle, which I placed on his forehead. Jared was still burning up. He gasped. I held his hand tightly, not caring if the others were watching. With my other hand, I moved the water bottle all over his face, trying to get it to cool down.

Please be okay. Please be okay! I kept on repeating that to myself.

His eyes fluttered open. He groaned. His mouth twitched.

"I see stars," he muttered, his voice barely audible. "There's nothing you can do… It's a natural cycle of life."

I knew he was talking to me. He knew I was there. There was nothing I can do to save him. And I knew it. I had no medicine. I had no professional doctors around. It was just ten kids and a bus driver. How was I supposed to save him? Death was a natural cycle of life. But it was unfair. It was unfair that his life was nineteen years short. It was cruel. Tears fell onto the already-stained shirt. It took me a while to realize they were mine.

"Did–did you love me?" I whispered quietly. I couldn't let him just go without knowing the truth between us. More raindrops of salt fell onto the table and his shirt.

He couldn't answer. His breathing had eased and then stopped.

Tears were now running down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't see at all. Sobs welled up in my throat. I was vaguely aware that Elena was rubbing my shoulders. I cried like a child into her shoulder.

So that's the story.

I'm the guilty one in this case. People had often tried to reassure me that there was nothing I could do. Jared died of a natural cause. But it was my fault. It was my fault that I didn't realize it in time. The guilt rested on my shoulders alone. What bothered me more? I didn't know if Jared had really loved me or not. After all those months of trying him into a relationship and denying it to others at the same time, it was all over – thrown away like a broken toy in a junkyard, lost forever in the wind, sunk into the depth of the sea…

Well, what did you think? CC is encouraged. Flames are allowed. JUST REVIEW! All my stories are based on real life experiences in some ways. This one? Well, it was EXAGGERATED a LOT! What set me off was a kid on a coach bus going... I'm not going to go on. If I do, my identity will be way to easy to figure out. That's it for now. Please check out my other stories on FanFiction as well. Thank you! Oh yeah, I'm going to write at least two more stories: Promise-keepers (which is a part of a trilogy) and The Mystery of Hiram House Camp. Look for those sometime!
~Ray :)

Copyright June 4th, 2012. You may NOT copy without my permission. Thank you.