|The Supernatural Royal Pain in the Butt
Author: Claire-Inet PM
When Andrew went to let his dog out late at night, he sees the surprise of his life...a girl, quite a pretty girl! Little did he expect a snotty , self- absorbed vampire princess from Romania...who makes poor Andrew's life a living nightmare! This is a humorous story, so please read it! :Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 13 - Words: 16,546 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 01-21-13 - Published: 06-13-12 - id: 3031935
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
CHAPTER 1: That Stupid Prophecy
Ugh, this is so boring, she thought. Every year they have this just to embarrass me and show me that I am a Failure of a daughter and Princess of the lamia nation. Uh, might as well get this over with.
The princess stood up and marched out of her chamber room with her chambermaids bustling around her and her room, trying to make the girl presentable and attractive enough so she can see her family.
Ha! As if I need to look more attractive than I already am! One look at me and I melt all the men and boys hearts.
Speaking of boys, the young princess thought of her last vessel "boyfriend". The last she saw him was about three hours ago by the bridge, and thinking of him made her hungry.
He is probably almost dried up by now. I'll have to find someone else soon.
Still walking down the giant castle, the young princess caught a look of herself in a full-length hallway mirror. A startlingly beautiful reflection gazed back at her. The reflection had shocking gray eyes (that looked silver on some occasions), a mass a dark black hair and dark long eyelashes was on the reflection too.
The princess smiled and haughtily turned to her side. The girl in the mirror had high lovely cheekbones, a prominent chin, and nose, the girl had full round lips. To finish the lovely summary of the lovely reflection's features, the girl had a Mediterranean olive tone skin. Overall, the girl was gorgeous.
Of course I am.
She continued down the luxuriously large castle, occasionally passing by an obnoxiously large portrait of a family member. Finally, she reached the grand room where she met the queen and the king standing prominently, proper and royalty like next to them was the old prophecy witch, smoking a pipe.
The Queen stood rigidly straight. She had a stern face. Her rouged mouth was pulled tight with distaste at Anna's tardiness. Her cold pale blue eye glared at Queen's powdered white face was turning pink with anger. Anna knew what was coming to her.
Ugh, might as well get this over with.
"Well finally, Anna!" The Queen exclaimed. "What had taken you so long? You are the princess of our race; you cannot just flee around willy-nilly! Honestly! You would think you-"
Here we go again.
"Okay, okay!" Anna shouted over the Queen antics. "I am already here aren't I?"
The Queen was always a bit annoying, always about principles, morals, and "untardiness". Nevertheless, the only reason she speaks about that is so Anna doesn't embarrass her.
"Tardiness shows laziness and bad manners. Honestly Anna, I thought you knew better than that," The King explained, trying to calm Anna's mother down (which wasn't really working).
Oh Blah, Blah, thought Anna. She rolled her eyes.
The King looked annoyed while the Queen looked as if she would slap the heck out of her pretty little face, but she calmed down.
"Fine, let us just start the reading", the Queen stated.
Finally, Anna smirked.
The princess, King, Queen, and the old witch stepped inside an old room that was dark and kind of smelled like old worn stockings. Anna hated the old room. In the room was an extra large table (bigger than most of the table they had), the room was dark, putrid, and had no windows in it. And the smoke from the candles made the room nauseating. However, that didn't stop them from putting giant thick curtains all over the walls. The witch sat at the head of the table, as if she was going to do a séance. She lifted her fat arms as if she was waiting for a miracle.
The old witch open her mouth and eyes as wide as she could (which was pretty wide), and finally the séance/prophecy reading began. Smoke formed and curled around the old woman and moved around the room, making it smell even worse. Then she spoke, her mouth barely moving to form words.
Troubled times...early probelms...The one that they called Failure will be renowned to her name as troubled times come…
What? The princess thought as she leaned forward in her seat.
Royalty shall fall and the lamia's prosperity shall falter, and pure bloodline will cease… weakness shall spread and blight will be among us…unsolved and we shall be conquered over, we shall all die out…
The Queen gasped her pale eyes wide, the King looked as stern as ever, his mouth drawn in a tight light line under his large bushy dark beard. Even Princess Anna looked a little pale.
"How can we stop this from happening? How can we solve this problem? Why must it happen now, so early?" The King whispered roughly.
The old woman ignored him, took a puff from her pipe and continued speaking: The Failure shall wed out of chivalry- a distant and far person to keep royalty pure and alive as of our ancestors had many times before.
And just like that, the old witch left, leaving the royalties (and a thick trail of smoke) sitting there, stunned.
Wed? As if, getting married? Oh God, it's just like what happened to my cousin Barry! I didn't expect this to happen to me... What am I going to do?
The Queen and the King looked at her as if they got the most brilliant idea.
Oh God, she thought. I hate it when they think.
"Sweetie", the Queen started…
Oh God, I hate it when they call me "Sweetie".
"The King and I were just thinking about what the witch said, and we just came up with the most brilliant idea…"
No, don't you dare say it.
"We think that it would be best if you…"
Noooo, please don't say it
"…and your distant cousin, Lorenzo…
UGH! NO! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP TALKING!
"…Should be wed." She finished. "We will prepare everything and we'll even send him a letter and we'll even…"
But Anna stopped listening to her mother. She looked at them intently; she could not believe what they were saying. She be wed to Lorenzo? Pimply-faced and oily Lorenzo? Anna looked back at them; looked back at the Queen's sickly smiling face and the King's pathetically hopeful face, and then she finally knew what she had to do.
I have got to get out of here…
In the far corner of the universe, there was a girl who sat at cramped computer desk, typing furiously. She shook her frizzy and wild hair out of her face as she sat back, tired but feeling accomplished. Wiping a drip of sweat from her forehead she finally uploaded her story onto her brand new Fictionpress account and felt accomplished.
Having a sense that someone was creeping on her she turned around and was startled by the audience who had read her story.
"Oh...h-hello...I guess you're wondering who I am. Let me start by saying that 'this is not an Author's Note'" She winked at the audience. "Anyway! Hello! I am Claire-Inet! Pretty witty huh?" she laughed at a joke that was obviously not funny...
"Fine...you don't have to laugh..." she grimaced. "This is my first story on Fictionpress so I hope this community is pretty nice...and hopefully you all like my story! I find it quite humorous."
She turned around and pulled out a giant piece of paper with what seems to be a link on it.
"Yeah...that's right narrator, it's a link. Thank you for being so observant..." she said sarcastically.
"Just shut up...anyway! If you're interested here's my link to my Wattpad account!" She held up a sign which read: user/LynClair
"Yep! That leads to my profile..."
Claire-Inet looked around a bit nervously, not sure of what to do next.
"Gee...I'm not sure of what I should do next. So I guess this is Claire-Inet logging off and about to pig out on ice cream!"
She smiled wickedly at a carton of chocolate ice cream. "Remember to read my next chapter and favorite it! Because you know you love it..." she winked at the audience and turned her attention to that ice cream.
"Also! This story should be enjoyed with chocolate! (ice cream that is...) Peace!"
End of "Author's Note"