|I'm Really Not Funny
Author: BethanyWrites PM
Two of my religion essays. As in, religions for essay class. God... I actually just typed that. Essays for religion class, both about gay rights, basically. Not really a point to having them up here.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Spiritual/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,652 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 06-17-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3033002
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Prompt: write about the papal address number #
Grade received: 90 something %
Note: anything in brackets is stuff not in the actual essay... guess what the numbers are
First the pope starts off explaining how the bible tells us that man and woman were created for each other and that people were made to love one another [sparking the question of who made gay people. If God only made man and woman to love each other, and a part of human nature is to love those of the opposite sex, then someone else must have made man and man and woman and woman who love each other, despite not being human. Perhaps the devil? Was Lucifer so mad at God that he made monstrous homosexuals? Maybe they really are from the devil and going to hell to live with their demonic kin! It all makes sense now!] in perfect unity(1). The next part of the bible can be read as god expressing that woman has some power over man [despite that women have been powerless in history until they gained the right to vote with the seventeenth amendment… and how long ago did God make the earth? He sure waited a hell of a lot of time to 'enlighten' his men on how to treat their wives] with their femininity.
Then he goes onto say that only through not having sex until marriage can you find true happiness with your soul mate in your unity (2) [lol, only he says "At the same time it is an affirmation—with regard to both human beings—of everything that constitutes man in solitude. In the Bible narrative, solitude is the way that leads to that unity (3) which, following Vatican II, we can define as communio personarum." because despite assuring us that sex isn't dirty, we still can't call it sex, or intercourse, or 'making love', it has to be in fucking latin]. He points out that man has already been separated from beasts, who usually have more than one mate, and that he must act responsibly since he has been blessed [so sorry, those romance novels that talk about an animalistic frenzy/passion/hunger… not accurate, we still have sex- sorry, communio personarum- like boring ole humans]. He goes on to repeat that man and woman were made to help- or complete- each other in unity (4). The fact that man and woman were made for each other and can only find happiness in their unity (5) is the most important connection they have, besides their one for God [because he's still the high roller here, your silly life partner should mean much less than an invisible man in the sky… but hey, to give credit where credit is due… he did make the platypus. And for that I thank him].
Next, he talks about how complex human beings are, especially since them and their unity (6) [yes, I'm doing it on purpose now] were created in the image of God [so what I'm getting here, basically, is that two people having sex is what God looks like. (IT ACTUALLY SAYS THIS! "Man becomes the image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion." and we learned that communion is sex, so… yeah, the bible is more interesting than you think. All about murder and greed and sex.) I mean, poor guy. That's pretty unfortunate. It must have been really awkward for him during puberty… I bet the angels gave him hell (to which he promptly sent the sinners and the homosexuals)]. It also said [something] about human fertility [or something along those lines, it was hard to tell] and how God made that [This Thanksgiving, thank your god for sex] as another blessing for us [that's all just bullshit, it may have said that, it may not have, but the words fertility and blessing were there] and those who are in blessed unity (7) with their husband or wife [Damn Lucifer for not having the same consideration for the gay people! Now the lines are all blurred because these straight people keep having gay monster babies!]. Then it says that being human is what makes us human and that when God said "flesh of my flesh" he meant that we are truly made in his likeness [unless you're gay. Or a ginger].
Lastly he ends with saying something along the lines of man's [I'm using this as a sexually ambiguous term… I'd say woman's, but God made men so damn temperamental that any femininity must be outlawed, or else you're one of Lucifer's poofer men or an actual woman] only purpose is to find the perfect unity (8) with his mate. Without this unity (9) man is straying away from God's plan, unless God's plan is for you to live in solitude [as a gay closeted priest] and not in unity (10, I did it!) with another person. The last sentence was "In any case, this structure is presented right from the beginning with a deep consciousness of human corporality and sexuality, and that establishes an inalienable norm for the understanding of man on the theological plane." which may mean that a main point of all of religion is to connect people in unity (11) with one another, as well as in unity (12) with God, or it may not, I'm not sure [because everything had to sound fucking intelligent because clearly all of the intellects are Catholic, since it's just common sense that God is real -.-].
I really hate religion.