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He waves a gun in front of my face. "I'll kill you," he hisses. I don't doubt it. He is drunk, high and crazy. He is terrifying. I am going to die. Mom and dad are out on a date. He hadn't been home for a month, but he has returned. I think he has been watching. How else would he know that I was alone? "You've never been a good sister."

I start to cry. I have done everything I could to be a good sister. I listened to him, helped him, and cared for him. I have tried to never be annoying or clingy. I never interfered with his problems.

"Stop crying, you bitch," he snarls. He slams the gun against the side of my head. I cry harder because of the pain. I become dizzy and I collapse on the ground. He is killing me, just like he tried to kill Kate. I didn't do anything as bad as Kate had done to him. What have I done to deserve this?

In movies, there is someone who runs in at the right moment and saves the day. I think he will rape me before he kills me. He wraps his hands around my throat and I try to squirm out of his grasp. I am not fragile. I am curvy and I have hips. I try to put my body to good use, but I fail.

I am dying.

The air is being sucked out of my lungs. Being choked is impossible to describe: I feel like I am so close to breathing, yet so far away. I thrash and claw. Life and death seem so close to me. I am starting to black out. I don't have the energy to cry or panic. This is what the end looks like.

He finally lets go and I fight to find my breath. The feeling of his hands still linger on my neck. It takes me a long moment to fill my lungs with oxygen.

What have I done to deserve this?

Rochelle sits on her bed, staring at the mirror.

"Did he rape you?" I guess. This has become a daily event. I sit and guess what happened at the party. I may have guessed right, but she won't tell me. I keep on guessing anyway. I want to get a reaction from her.

My mind keeps straying to my conversation with Colton. His answer had been, "Everyone has secrets that will ruin them." It was a completely frustrating answer, but I couldn't argue with him. I want to know what his secret is. I look over Rochelle. Her hair is not brushed, her eyes are dazed. Maybe she's keeping a secret that will ruin her too.

"No," she replies, no expression on her face. The doorbell rings. Then there is a knock on Rochelle's door. Her eyes beg me to not open the door, but I don't comply. I get up and open the door.

"Kate?" I am shocked. "I..."

"I'm not here to see you," Kate pushes me aside and walks into Rochelle's room. "Rochelle? Can I talk to you? Alone."

Here I am again, being left out. I am starting to feel like I don't matter. My heart swells with an unfamiliar feeling. It isn't exactly jealousy or anger. I can't identify it, and that makes me nervous. It is impossible to deal with a feeling when I don't even know what it is.

"Okay," Rochelle nods for me to leave. I want to stay here and hear every word. She knows that. But it looks like she doesn't care. I quickly leave the room. I hear Kate locking the door behind me. I go and find her siblings to hang out with. Her little sister is quirky and fun. Maybe she will be able to distract me.

An hour passes. Rochelle and Kate are still stalking.

Two hours. The door is still locked.

Three hours. Finally, Kate leaves. She doesn't even glance at me as she walks out. I hurry into Rochelle's room. She is folding clothes and putting them in her drawer, as if nothing happened.

"What did you guys talk about?" I ask casually.

"That's between her and me," she replies, as if she is talking about the weather. She sounds nonchalant and it infuriates me. She has never refused to tell me something. The second someone says, "Don't tell anyone," she tells me. It has always been a silent agreement-what she knows, I know. What I know, she knows. It has always seemed like we shared the same brain.

"Did you tell her what happened at the party?" I ask.

"Yes."

I want to burst and ask her why she gets to know and I don't. "So you and Kate are friends?"

"Yes."

"What did he do to you?" I finally burst. I can't stand here and pretend everything is okay. We aren't talking about the weather. We are talking about the two people who ruined her. "What has he done to you? I will hurt him!"

She whirls around and faces me, "Stop acting like this has anything to do with you! Stay out of this!"

I take a step back. It's not fair how she'll open up to Kate, the girl who has ruined our lives. I let out a deep breath. I am trembling. "I won't argue with you." I don't argue with my friends. I don't fight. I don't get angry. I won't let this bring me down. I give her a soft smile.

"Don't do that," she snaps, "I hate it when you smile like that."

"Smile like what?" I am smiling on the inside. I have frustrated her.

"Smile like you are sharing an inside joke," she replies. "Smiling as if you understand."

I feel like we are dying. Our friendship is disappearing. Again, Kate is ruining us. "How can you be friends with Kate? She destroyed us once before."

"She's different this time," Rochelle says. I am shocked by her words. This is coming from a girl who swears that people don't change. She has always been optimistic, but realistic. She knows that people don't change. I have always given people a second chance, while she barely gives people a first chance.

"She is going to hurt you and you are going to let it happen," I hiss, grabbing my hoodie. "You're a masochist. I won't stay here and watch you do this. She made you lose yourself once, and it's happening again. I have done the best I could to be your friend. I don't know why you're doing this to me." I march out of her bedroom and leave.

I want the comfort of Tanner. I want to be hugged by Tanner. I want Rochelle to be herself again.

I want to know why this is happening to me.