|Close but no cigar
Author: Adipose PM
They had been so close. Oh so close. How far they'd come in such a short amount of time. But he was an idiot. He was stupid. He had it, had her. But he let her slip, right through his fingers...Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 1,474 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 07-04-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3038876
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is a drabble I wrote. It involves my character (Conner) and my friend's character (Elena). It's been a few years since he last seen her. Believing her love to be nothing more than a scam, he forced her away, saving her life but destroying his own in the process. This is how he lives. This is the only way he can continue living without her. This is the only way he can feel something real. Something besides the longing that could never be satisfied. This is...
It was disgusting. His name had become something of a legend in his time. Men looked up to him, some with awe and some with anger but to all he was superior. Heads turned when he walked by and some legs even opened. Never having to be tied down -unless he wished to be- he had had a good life. He had the life, every man's dream. He was living it but, it was funny how all that changed. And how it all unraveled cause of one woman. He used to laugh at men who had done such thing. After all, why settle for just one when you still have all your life before. But he had never known jealously till now. He couldn't explain the grief it cause him to watch her out with those other men. It killed him that she never took note of their gaze upon her and yet it was all he saw.
He knew the lust and desire in their eyes. Hell, he had felt it himself. So, why was it wrong for others to look at her this way? What was she to him in the end? A friend? Not even. Besides, the friend zone was definitely some place he'd rather not be. He'd be the first to admit she didn't deserve him but the thought of seeing her would someone else. He chuckled softly to himself.
This, is what she did.
She took him, broke him and all for a price. She found and stood by him but for the wrong reasons he now realized. But there was no changing the past and he wasn't one that wished them to be changed either. Not one second of it. Because to change the past would be to change her and if he changed her, just of a second, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. He couldn't destroy that woman when destroying her was worse then destroying himself. So what was a drink or two? God damn, he deserve it after it all! The numb feeling it left behind was nothing compared to all he felt without it...Without her...
But he had to let her go.
There was no other way around it.
He'd been through the scene a thousand times in his head and none of the outcomes could have saved them. And so, to save what he could, he was forced to destroy all that they were. Didn't she understand? There was no other way! But, how could he have expected her to. No one sane would understand. Oh, but the more he thought about it, the more he believed it would have been better to go with one of the other options. One of the ones where one of them -had died. Would he have still been living in regret had he made a different choice?
It was just, in that moment, he knew he couldn't live without her and had he not been such a coward he would have taken his own life so she could live. But in the end that's what he was, a pathetic coward excuse for man. What she saw in him he's never know. He exhaled sharply, trying his best to be rid of the past as he slammed the glass down and threw the chair back. He knew he was causing quite the scene, the bar seemed to have fallen silent in fear or in hopes of watching another drunk man make a fool of himself.
He could hear the disapproving murmurs of a few of the others who sat in the bar and even the footsteps of those with enough sense to leave. "S-sir. I think you've had enough." The voice came through the haze and Conner looked up to see him face to face with the source. The bartender, a young boy of possibly 18 no doubt, stared back at him with an uneasy appearance. His facial expression told him more then the trainee would betray. It was clear to him that the boy wasn't very experienced and when it came to handling situations such as these, far worse. He laughed quietly under his breath at the boy's attempt to be the figure of authority before pulling himself up over the counter.
"Sir? Sir! You aren't allow back here. Sir!" But the feeble attempts were useless, going in one ear and out the other as he grabbed the nearest bottle and used his mouth to pop open the top. He could barely hear the bartender's protests now as he hastily chugged the bottle and sent it flying over his shoulder the second it was empty. The shattering of the glass against back wall invoked a few screams from the woman as a few more hurried out the door. No one interfered. No one dared to. He knew he just might have to spend the night in a cell till he was bailed out but he wasn't thinking about the consequences. All he wanted to be free of it. Her laugh continued to taunt him within his head as he downed the last bit of his fifth, desperately trying to get the last few drops. God, it hurt. And just when he thought he couldn't take her teasing any more he felt it. His eyes clouded over as he looked down at hand upon him.
He couldn't hear, couldn't see, he could only feel months worth of frustration and bottle up anger bubbling within him. Something no drink could tame. He just felt so...angry. Unable to control himself or his actions, he grabbed hold the boy's wrist, ignoring the cry of pain as he did so and pinned it behind his back. Shoving him up against the wall, he growled lowly and regarded the boy's scared expression in the mirror. But he also got a glimpse of his own. He looked so wild and broken but most of all, he looked so different.
The fact that she had changed so much in him was what cause him to snap and before he knew it, the gun was pressed into back of the boy's neck. He could hear the choked sobs managing to escape the boy's lips but he didn't give a damn. "I'd kill for her, kid." He whispered, clicking the safety off. The sound seemed to echoed in the now almost empty room as the boy's cries got louder. He don't loosen his grip one bit however, and instead continued to watch himself. His reflection. What he had become... "And when you meet a woman like that," He sighed, regained his wits and slipping the handgun back into its holster before releasing the boy. "Don't you dare let her go. Cause you'll regret it." He told him as he grabbed a seat once more. He wasn't sure if the kid took to his words of wisdom. He was out of there before he could say another word. It wasn't long till Conner heard the distant sirens.
There was no doubt in his mind who they were coming for as he pressed him lips to the cool glass. He gently tapped the mouth against his before pushing the bottle aside and hanging his head in his hands. "Fuck…" He muttered to himself, unable to keep her off his mind. If only she knew how crazy she drove him. She'd probably be proud or make some snarky comment on how soft he had become. The thought brought a ghost of a smile to his lips as he looked up out the window of the bar. He could see the red-blue lights as they neared and yet he still did not move. No doubt that the kid had snitched and he'd be suspended a few days for harassing the guy but hell, he deserved it.
He made no move to run. Although the thought was tempting and he'd rather spend his night elsewhere then with a group of rookie cops but, he sat where he was. After all, his entire life he played by the rules...