When I see you

i feel the pain of losing you all over again

you were my friend

my crush

the only one who snuck glances at me in class

and at assemblies

your chocolate-colored eyes always felt like they saw my soul

my cheeks flushed scarlet under your gaze

i really enjoyed that year

you brought me back from that dark place

where i felt the pain of losing a close friend

seeing her laugh with the pretty faces

hiding their cruel words

that cut me down

was i wrong?

didn't you like me too?

i gave up so much

to chase after you

my friend

then, i told you everything

now, once i write this

unsaid goodbye

my eyes fill with tears as i realize

that after this, we will never share any secrets

did i know you at all?

sometimes in the hallways

i see you drooling over HER,

the one that took two of my closest friends

you are disgusting

do you ever regret that?

pretending you don't know me

my heart aches

i should despise you

you caused my misandry

to all but those close to me

but i gained some friends

i'm getting over my hatred

and you

i was so sad and angry

i just wanted you back

but now i'm growing

and i shouldn't say this, but joseph

if you're reading this

i'm sorry