|Yes, No, Maybe
Author: born backwards PM
"Why have you been avoiding me?" His teasing tone was gone, and had been replaced by a much softer, more serious tone, one laced with hurt. "Because Andrew left, and you're why," I told him quietly.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Friendship - Words: 907 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 07-12-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3041308
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"You shouldn't here, Alec." It wasn't that I didn't want him here, because I did - I'd missed him, so much, these past few weeks, and I needed him, perhaps now more than ever, but I couldn't bring myself to explain to him why Andrew had left me. I did not want him blaming himself. Yes, my feelings for him were the sole reason that Andrew had left me for good, but that was not his fault - I should have trusted in the guy that I'd loved more than I'd ever loved anyone. If I had done that, I never would've have gotten myself into this mess, and I certainly wouldn't feel anything more than friendship towards the best guy friend I had ever had.
"Brrr." He shivered. I bit back a smile. "Is it cold in here or is it just you?" I was finding it very hard not to smile. Alec had that affect on people. "Why have you been avoiding me?" His teasing tone was gone, and had been replaced by a much softer, more serious tone, one laced with hurt. First Andrew, and now Alec - when would I stop hurting the people I loved most?
"Because Andrew left, and you're why," I told him quietly, refusing to meet his gaze.
"I—what?" He sounded about as confused as I had felt that day, maybe more.
"I didn't mean that the way that it sounded," I said after a moment. I wasn't blaming him. I couldn't blame him, because he was blameless in this. He had no clue that I felt the way that I did about him, the way that I still did, despite my attempts to not feel this way.
"Then what did you mean?" Alec asked, sounding more confused than before. I didn't want to explain myself to him, because that would mean telling him the truth, the whole truth.
"I… Andrew left because he thought I had feelings for you," I explained, still refusing to look at him. I didn't give him a chance to say anything. I figured his response would have been something along the lines of 'that's ridiculous' or 'he's a dumbass'. Something so Alec, and… so not true, because Andrew had not been dumb in thinking that and these feelings, while they were doing more harm to me than good, were far from ridiculous. "And before you say he's an idiot for thinking such a thing, you should know that… he was right."
This time I did look at him. I couldn't discern his expression. He didn't look as surprised as I'd expected him to be. Instead, he looked almost… well, I've no idea how he looked, but surprised didn't quite cover it.
"Nothing can happen?" It sounded more like a question than a statement. That made me nervous.
I shook my head. "I don't think so," I whispered. I was in no condition to be jumping into a relationship, not that I thought Alec had been suggesting one nor did I think his question had meant he felt the same way. It was just… I couldn't be with anyone, especially not Alec. The guilt I felt was already too much - the guilt of being with someone who wasn't Andrew, that would be so much worse.
"I'm sorry he left because of me." I could hear that he meant it, but he had nothing to be sorry for, and I made sure to tell him as much. "I know that," was the start of his response, "and I'm not saying I'm to blame… it's just, I hate that you're so unhappy and knowing I'm partly to blame for that unhappiness, even if it isn't my fault I am, bothers me. I just want you to be happy, Ade."
This time, I did not fight back my smile. I couldn't, nor could I pretend that my heart had not started beating faster at his words.
"Y'know, I feel the same way about you," Alec said slowly after clearing his throat awkwardly.
My heart was definitely beating faster now. A part of me had wanted to hear him say that, and another part of me hated that I felt such a way because I'd lost Andrew over these feelings. That should have been enough to make them disappear, but it hadn't been. I didn't think it ever would be, but nothing could happen, not right now. Maybe not ever.
"Where does this leave us, Alec?" I asked, looking at him again.
He looked at me, and I looked away. "I don't know, Ade. I really don't know."
I didn't like that answer.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a follow up to "Haunted", which was a follow up to "The Games that Play Us". Again, you don't have to read "The Games that Play Us" to understand "Haunted" - "Haunted" is simply what could have happened, but in all reality, should I write a sequel to "The Games that Play Us", Andrew and Adelaide will still be together. Reading "Haunted" before this would be a good idea, but you don't necessarily have to to understand the gist of this one-shot.
Might turn into an actual story - possibly.