"The Irk Gun Terrorists" by Hussein Husseini, July 2012

Disclaimer: All characters presented here are product of fiction. Any resemblances to real characters are of a pure coincidence. No intention was made to insult anyone for any reason.

AN: This story is an act of fiction. No one should attempt to act in the same manner as described.

AN2: None.

Summary: Tzniut (translated loosely as modesty) begins with a different way of looking at yourself. Usually, we perceive things simply as they appear on the surface. We look at a house and see its windows, doors, and roof. We look at a tree and see its trunk, branches, and leaves.

The Irk Gun Terrorists

While getting ready for their secret mission of attacking Congregation Beth El in Rutherford, Gila Mandelline, Alex Jones and Dan Rather, all part of the "Group C", exchanged some words as well.

"Did you know that according to Judaism …", Dan adjusted his Kippa on head, examining himself in the mirror, "… God wanted us to enjoy an existence in which our physicality wouldn't stand in the way of defining ourselves internally."

"Really?" Gila was adjusting her scarf and a wig, feeling her heart thumping wild from the excitement.

"Yes. God therefore gave the first man and woman a great gift …", Dan turned to check on Alex' Talit – Jewish Prayer Shawl, "… the inborn ability to see each other in their totality."

They laughed. Alex continued to adjust his Talit and then helped Dan with 'tzitzit'. "With this perfect vision, man and woman saw each other's outer self and inner self as one inseparable unit." Dan adjusted his false brows. "When man looked at woman …", he laughed since Gila's wig slipped sideways, "… he simultaneously saw her mind, heart, and …", there was a sound as of a traffic accident outside, "… spirit." Soon after that police sirens echoed. "At the same moment that woman appreciated man's appearance, she appreciated who he really was."

Gila was all covered up and helped Alex with his outfit.

"When man and woman made their fatal mistake in the Garden of Eden …", sound of ambulance sirens outside, "… they destroyed their vision." Dan placed Hasidim's 'streimel' hat and turned towards Gila and Alex. "How do I look?"

They both burst into laughter.

"My God!" Gila placed hand over her mouth, shaking all over. "You … you look like one … one true Hasidim!"

She had to sit down in order to stop laughing, tears filling her eyes. Alex tried not to laugh too much since his other false facial parts could slip away. Dan sniffed and then continued, moving left and fright, testing firmness of his hat.

"An illusion-creating screen was lowered in front of their eyes. Viewing each other through this screen, body and soul suddenly appeared to be two distinct entities." Gila stopped laughing, her frozen image staring at some point on the ground. Dan continued. "The physical self had seemingly disconnected from the spiritual self and assumed an independent identity. And the powerful light which the body now beamed outshone the light of the soul."

They listened as the ambulance drew away outside.

"This fallen state describes the way we humans today view one another. For all of us, it is practically impossible not to identify a person with his or her outside." Dan was pleased with his Hasidim outlook.

"Who else is involved?" Gila swallowed, realizing their time of action has come.

"Let's see …" Alex tightened his Talit. "In Group A … Jerome Hauser, Richard Pearl and Alicia Silverstone.

"Oh? Really? Alicia's active? My God? I didn't know that!" Dan made a nod. "Group B?"

"Group B …", Dan licked his eyebrows, making final preparations, "… Tom Clancy, Pat Buchanan, and Howard Stern."

"No girls?" Gila frowned, still excited about their terrorist ambitions.

"No girls. They call this group 'Skulled Craps'."

After checking it was safe outside, they proceeded towards Congregation Beth El, greeting some other Jews they met on the streets of Rutherford.

"Israel and its loyalists abroad have been engaged in a concerted propaganda effort to demonize the Muslim/Arab world and nations which get in the way of Israeli hegemony in the middle-east." Alex offered.

"Really?" Gila still felt scared.

"Yes. Israel rarely fights its own battles unless their opponent is so completely hopeless who are armed with nothing more than sticks and stones …

"Like the Palestinians?" Dan offered, Alex almost bursting into laughter since Dan took his role seriously.

"Yes." He had to pinch himself in secret in order to induce pain. "Like the Palestinians."

As they were closing towards their target, they noticed many cars parking, Jews exiting and smiling to each other.

"Because Israel is determined not to risk its own blood and resources to achieve its strategic objectives, it endeavors to influence Western powers with strong military might to do it for her." Gila mimicked towards 'Group A'. Alex continued, smiling occasionally. "Historically …", they bowed to Rabbi Schlomough Shame, "… Jews have always prided themselves on manipulating the Goyeem into doing the dirty work …", 'Group B' ominously corroborated with Rabbi Yisrael Meier Keagan, "… not only because they are cowardly and cunning …", Alex heart started to beat faster, noticing secret Jewish Security Agents, mixing with the others inconspicuously, "… but also because when things go south the blame could then be passed off on the Gentile proxy …", Sabbath prayer was about to start officially, "… with the Jew getting off scot free."

"Scot free?" Gila repeated, stiff as a cramped swimmer on an Antarctica.

"That's right." Alex swallowed some bile and checked his weapon in secret. "Scot free."

After the signal was given, they sprang into action.