|The Girl With Golden Eyes
Author: Nevermore Marni PM
James loses the love of his life to another man, but by the time she comes back James has already moved on to something much more satisfying. Can he over come his addiction to an affair to be with the girl of his dreams? Disclaimer: Inspired by Nikki Sixx and the song "I Miss You" By Blink 182Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Words: 2,290 - Published: 07-18-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3043106
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'm shaking again; I can't stop. I don't know if its because I haven't slept in three days, or if I'm scared she's going to find me here again. She'll be home soon and how am I going to hide this mess? How am I going to pretend that none of this happened?
How am I going to keep this from Sally?
"James." She purred "Come back to bed, sweetheart."
If she wasn't so beautiful, with those golden eyes and that thick Persian accent, it would have been easier to look away. It would have been easier to tell her to get out of my life, that every time I saw her I was killing the only person I loved anymore a little bit each time. Maybe it was the euphoria I craved, the way she felt under my skin, the way she crawled through my veins.
The way she breathed my name.
"Heaven, I can't. Not tonight." I murmured
"Why? Sally won't be home for hours, you have time. Take me in your arms again, you know you can't resist me."
She was right, she made me feel safe. She made me feel like all my problems would just melt away once I had her there, like all my pain would be gone as soon as she started working her magic.
I could still remember the first time I met her. Sally was in the seventh grade, and I was just starting my junior year as an honors student. Sally was still a brunette, she had those wild purple streaks running though that curly hair she hated. She was just starting to hang out with that John, I hated him. He took my Sally from me, he didn't deserve her. He was nothing compared to me. Sally never would have picked him over me if I had told her the truth.
That I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I always fall in love with the things I know I should resist.
Heaven was there to catch me as I spiraled into this hole. I found her in a gutter in Cleveland, she was beautiful then too. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, somehow even though I hadn't met her yet I knew she was going to make the pain of losing my Sally girl easier. So even though I hardly knew her I let her in my veins, I let her take me away from this place. At first she only made me sick with those disgusting curves and all her track marked lovers, but in the end Heaven always gets her man.
She was whispering in my ear again. Speaking in Persian because she knows it drives me crazy, she knows I can't say no to her when she does these things to me. She's saying how much she loves me again, even though she knows' it'll only make it harder for me in the end. I'm sure from the outside this all looks somewhat romantic, but in the end I will always love my Sally.
So here I am again, laying on the floor with her in my arms and once again all my troubles are melting away. I can't think about anything but how great I feel at this moment, I'm not thinking about how Sally could be home any minute, or how I missed my appointment at the methadone clinic, or about how disappointed Sally would be when she saw me laying on our apartment floor again; looking like a monster again.
It was sad but true, no matter how great Heaven made me feel or how well I tried to hide her from Sally, my sunken eyes, grey skin and my scabbed face always told people about my addiction.
It was sick really, in the end Sally was forcing me to choose in the same why I forced her to choose all those years ago. You can't have us both Sally baby, I said. What a joke. I should have known who she'd pick, I could never give her all the things he gave her. He was perfect, and here I was being me and expecting her to choose her friends over her first love.
She was my first love.
I can feel her here, Heaven was taking me under. Its strange, I've never felt this heavy before. Its almost as if she's suffocating me, everything is going black. The last thing I could see was those eyes.
The Girl With Golden Eyes.
It feels like I've been laying here for hours before I hear the echo of a voice and a door slamming. Its Sally, she's home. I've messed up again; I let her down again.
"James!" her voice sounds far away and slow. "James! Stay awake sweetheart! I'm calling the ambulance."
She's so sweet; Making a fuss over me when she knows' that I've done this to myself. My eyes are feeling heavy, the only thing keeping me awake is not wanting to upset Sally anymore. She gave me this chance and I messed up again, this could be my only chance to be with her and I chose Heaven over her. I'm pathetic.
"James," She's squeezing my hand, I can feel my fingers tingling. "Please hold on."
I can hear sirens. My ears are ringing, I try to focus on Sally's face. She looks scared, I wonder what happened? I hope everyone is alright, I've never seen her like this. I hope Heaven hasn't gotten her hooks into her too, she promised she'd stay away from Sally. Everything is getting dark now, I try to keep my eyes open but I just don't have to strength.
"Oh God." I hear Sally sob
Don't cry sweetheart, I want to say; but I'm already gone.
I can hear someone singing in my head, they're singing Sally and mines' song.
We can live like Jack and Sally if you want- Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head. I never want them to stop singing.
I awoke not knowing where I was or how I got there. I can hear a strange beeping and a girl crying in the background. I try my best to open my eyes so I can see what's going on. The light invades my eyes and assaults my vision, but I get enough to know that Sally is sitting in a chair next to my bed, running her fingers over my collapsed veins and murmuring the lyrics to our favorite song.
Sally has golden eyes too, but not like Heaven. Sally's eyes are like honey, sweet and soft. They are so red now, its almost like she's been crying; I hate to see her this way. I try my best to lift my arm and sweep her tear soaked blonde bangs out of her face.
I really hated this new hair she had, I liked her better as a brunette but Sally was always pushing for the next thing. Not like me, stuck on Heaven like I didn't have better things in my life, things like Sally.
"James." She sobbed as two tears streaked down her cheeks. Her mascara was melted all over her face and it looked like she hadn't showered in days. "You're awake."
I tried my best to apologize, but my brain wasn't articulating my words the way I would have liked it to. She only smiled as I groaned my condolences and wiped the tears from her stained cheeks. I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest, it took all the energy I had to keep my hand on Sally's cheek. I smiled softly as she kissed my finger tips and begged me to stay with her, she was crying again. I don't understand why she is crying but it doesn't matter. Sally needs me now.
I tried my best to sit up but Sally stood to push me back down to my bed. I can see all the tubes now, I know exactly where I am . The IVs were placed in odd places, I assume it was hard to find a decent vein to place them in. I can't believe I didn't realize it before, the smell of the hospital assaulted my senses and only made me want to get high again. I hate this place.
At least Sally was here, she knew I hated these places. How long had she been there? She was probably missing work for this, I am such a moron.
"Sally-" I managed to choke out as I reached up my arms to wipe her tears again "Please don't cry." My voice cracked and faded, but she understood and tried her best to sniffle and dry her eyes. Sally always knew what I was trying to say. I reached my arms up again and grabbed her by her hips and pulled her to the bed beside me. I knew I wasn't very strong, but she knew what I wanted. She climbed into my bed next to me and I wrapped my arms around her torso as she stifled a sob in her throat.
"Shhh." I cooed softly
"We almost lost you this time." She choked, I could feel the pain radiating from her words. She was doing her best not to cry, she was trying to be strong because she knew that I couldn't be. I didn't know what to say, or how to apologize for what I did to her. I buried my face in her hair, I slipped out laughed, she smelled like that coconut perfume she sprayed in her hair when she didn't have time to shower. Even that offensive smell couldn't cover up the grease in her hair or how her clothes all reeked of hospital, sweat and tears.
"You know I hate that coconut shit." I squeaked with a chuckle
"I thought it was better than four day old, sweaty, not washed nasty hair smell." She said looking up at me with a small smile, her eyes still red and glistening with silent tears. I had asked too much of her, it was not her job to be strong; It was mine. If she needed to cry now to feel better I needed to be a man for her now and handle it. I wiped her tears again and laid her head back down on my chest.
"If you need to cry you can cry. I'm feeling much better now that you're up here." I did my best to sound confident and cocky like she expected me to be.
"Oh shut up." She laughed
"I'm just saying," I coughed loudly, sending ripples of pain through my chest and back. "if you need someone now. I'm here for you."
She looked at me as if to say 'Why couldn't you have been there for me when you were doing heroin on our apartment floor? Why weren't you thinking of who had to find you over dosed with a needle in your arm? Who had to pull the needle out of your arm, James?'
Instead she told me to just focus on getting better, and that she had brought home steak to cook for when I got home. Originally it had been for my second day of being clean, but we all realize by now how that turned out.
"We almost lost you this time." Sally said numbly again.
"Almost." I said as I ran my tingling fingers through that tangled blonde and purple greasy mess. "Almost."
"I won't do this again James. I won't lose you to drugs a second time."
She was still bitter about me making her choose between me and John. She was making me chose between my first love and the only thing that was there for me when I was burning.
"You won't." I promised
In the end I had a choice to make, either I choose the girl who pushed me into drugs, or the drugs that pushed me away from the girl. The girl of my dreams, my Sally baby, or the woman that made my life euphoria, Heroin.
In the end I guess we all know who I picked, I mean come on.
How many times in your life do you run across a girl with golden eyes?
I faded in and out, Sally was telling the doctors that I was going to get clean, I guess she assumed that was the choice I was going to make. I wasn't entirely convinced. She was telling her mother that she never stopped thinking about me, how all those years with John she kept wishing that she'd wake up and it would be me lying next to her in bed, how she wished she'd open her eyes and it would be my lips that were touching hers, and how she knew it was stupid and she wasn't losing her mind; it was just hard to abandon her first love when he needed her by his side.
She had called me her first love.
Sally wanted me all those years.
In the end it was all simple, I knew from the very beginning I would end up this way.
Bowing down to her, heeding the command of the girl with golden eyes.