Author: StarlessRaven PM
Hating yourself is a terrible feeling. It can go so far that you need to make a new self just to get through the day. A mirror can be a powerful tool for this, but is it always a good idea?Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst - Words: 734 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 07-21-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3043806
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A short story about a young girl struggling with her own mind. Enjoy!
I look at the mirror in disgust. I frown as I see my muddy hazel eyes, my crooked, pimply nose, my chapped lips; my chin that sticks out just a little too much. I notice the bump on my ear from an infected piercing. It had just been another pathetic attempt to be prettier, but it had failed, leaving only a hideous mark.
I shudder as I look at my crooked legs, my bumpy arms; my pudgy stomach. I try to suck in my gut, to try to make the fat go away. I survey the wretched thing in the glass with disgust, remembering with shame who I am looking at. I continue to glare, and my eye catches on the scars on my wrists and legs. Just another deformity on this hideous body, I think.
I run a finger through my coarse, short, cherry red hair. I had cut it all off and ruined it with chemical dyes several months ago, trying to distract the eye from my awful jawline and blotchy face. Of course, it only served to give me a puffy mess on top of my head and to leave me with no chance of growing it back out. It doesn't matter, I remind myself, because anything beautiful would look out of place.
I close my eyes, enjoying the relief from looking at myself, but only feeling worse when I remember what I am on the inside: loud, needy, and irritating, making more problems for myself with every minute, with a need to stand out and a natural instinct for looking like a fool. It seems that every time I open my mouth, I piss someone off. Everyone I know hates me, which only makes it worse when I need to share every thought I have with someone. This just makes them hate me more, and the only ones who put up with it need something from me, whether it be sex or help with something or for me to be a trash bin to hold their own problems.
My thoughts speed up and begin attacking me, as they always do. I fling open my eyes, unable to bear my own words. As I gaze into the mirror again, expecting the terrible sight I am always greeted with, I am surprised to see a beautiful, thin girl with long, brown hair, wide eyes and white teeth, and flawless skin, unmarked by blemish or blade.
I cautiously raise an arm, hoping with everything I have inside me that her arm will move with me. It does, and she blinks in surprise as I do. I dare not look at my own flesh, because I know the illusion will only last in the mirror, but I wish that I could reach through the glass and embrace this girl. This is who I want to be, so perfect and beautiful.
My eyes shut again, as I fear the reflection will change if I admire it for too long. I search inside myself again. This time I find a quiet, timid girl who doesn't need to use people to be happy with herself. She is polite and kind, I can tell. She doesn't hate herself, or anyone, and the only thing she wants is to stay happy forever. She is everything I want to be, on the inside and out. But I know that I have locked myself too deeply into my own identity, so she is also everything that I will never be.
I can dream, though. I can always dream when there is nothing for me in reality, so I keep my eyes sealed shut, holding this girl close so she can't escape. She will always be with me, even if we will never be the same.
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Also, if you liked it, perhaps you should check out some of my other stories. Shadows is one similar to this in style and length, and there are several others that are a bit longer. And don't forget to subscribe! I write quite a bit when I'm in a writing mood, and it's always nice to have people reading. I'll stop nagging you, though.