|The Voyage of the SS Billy Bob Joe
Author: the clockwork gallery PM
This story is basically this random parody about a voyage of a cargo ship named the SS Billy Bob Joe, which is controlled by an evil wizard from outside a bottle. And what's this about a Porta-Potty and a circus? Created at this camp. Randomness and hilariousness is found everywhere inside! One-shot. Copyright July 26th, 2012. You may NOT copy any of this without our permission.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Words: 776 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 07-26-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3045156
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Okay, this is COMPLETELY Jason's idea. We tell each other a weird thing that happens at camp each day, and Ray had this totally weird experience, so we wrote it down, and Jason suggested putting it on FictionPress. Honestly, this is a humor and parody-like story. So just relax and have fun reading this!
It's extremely funny, random, and…just read. Sorry for not updating our other stories, but...we have trouble with camp, homework...etc. Thanks again!
The Voyage of the SS Billy Bob Joe:
Once upon a time, there was a ship named the SS Bob. Actually, the real name of the ship was the SS Billy Bob Joe. On one foggy night, the SS Billy Bob Joe set sail to cross the Atlantic. However, what the crew didn't know was that an evil wizard had enchanted the voyage. Instead of sailing in the sea, they were sailing in a bottle.
Now, the cargo the SS Billy Bob Joe carried included a wide variety of animals – as they were a giant traveling circus. According to some, they also carried an abundant supply of dead squirrel parts. Rumor says that the SS Billy Bob Joe was two thousand feet long, but we may never know as no one survived to tell the actual tale.
There were about twenty crew members on the ship, including the cook, the captain, the animal trainer…etc.
On the day of the wreck, the captain had a stomachache, so he was in the bathroom, pooping. The animals, seizing this chance, decided to attack. They were sick of the sea, you see, so they wanted a rebellion.
The turkeys, excited about the act, decided to peck the animal trainer to death. The apes left many, many banana peels on the deck floor. Monkeys filled the kitchen, seizing every single bit of food they could get their hands on. And the giraffes suddenly decided to kidnap workers who were gambling instead of steering the ship. Finally, the stealthy snake slithered on top to the crow's nest, looking out for the captain, who was still in his Porta-Potty.
"AH!" screamed one sailor with bright yellow socks, slipping on a banana peel and falling overboard.
"Holy [insert swear word]!" cried another as a lion pushed him overboard.
The tigers roared in anger, scaring a few unlucky others (all with white socks). They all fell into the tumbling sea.
The remaining crew decided to whip the animals with a fiery lash, getting over their shock quickly. Now, I'm at a payphone… (Someone randomly decided to sing Payphone in the middle of this story.)
That only made the animals even madder. The elephants decided to pile up on one side of the boat, causing it to tip. The captain was still inside the Porta-Potty. DUN, DUN, DUN!
Some sailors held on to the railing. But the horses decided to push the ones with blue-striped socks overboard. After that, all the animals fell into the water. Most drowned. Three more people, all with neon pink socks, still held on.
Suddenly, one of them looked up, seeing the evil wizard from looking down at them from the outside of the bottle.
"AH!" screamed a sailor.
"Holy [insert swear word]!" cried another.
The last one muttered to himself, "Mega déjà vu."
The wizard boomed in laughter, "LOL!"
And the survivors knew there was no hope left as an evil wizard was controlling the ship and everything happening around them.
So the three were washed up onto an island, where they planned to live happily ever after. Not. The animals that escaped the wreck came after them. The evil wizard had sent those creature to destroy the last survivors of the wreck…because if they told the tale to anyone, his identity would be known. See? He's quite clever, which is actually not so good for us.
The animals savagely attacked the survivors, ripping them apart. Afterwards, they returned to the evil wizard as if he was their master.
And that, my friends, is the story of the SS Billy Bob Joe. This evil wizard is known for knocking down ships and airplanes (including vessels from the Bermuda Triangle and Amelia Airheart's airplane). Beware of him in his house of bone! Woe to all who cross his path!
Up next is the story of yet another ship this evil wizard has knocked down. The name of the boat is Secret. Yeah, Secret… ACK! NO! The wizard is here now! HELP! He's kidnapping us! ACK! [Insert swear word]! NOOOOO!
Funny? Like it? We loved it. So…random and hilarious.