|There Goes the Fear
Author: NorthernCarolina'sDuskNights PM
A simple physical. A good friend. A phone call. A life.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Friendship - Words: 950 - Published: 08-02-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3047101
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Life. It's something. Really it is. And it's true. Everything. Except the name. Most things. There goes the fear again. My life, in a nutshell. Please don't worry.
This is unedited. I just finished it ten minutes ago, so if there's a mistake, sorry.
I was being very revisionist at the moment. I had just gotten back from the doctors office, after a simple physical, and I was scared. Ninth grade physical patients shouldn't be scared should they. I mean, they sent me home, but they were being evasive and they were going to run some more tests. Rationally, I knew that there was probably nothing wrong with me, but I couldn't help but think that maybe there is something wrong. And that scared me. There was only one thing to do at a time like this.
"Hello." Clear, calm, male, the voice that picked up was none other than Hunter.
"I don't want to die."
"Whoa, whoa, where is this coming from?"
He was my best friend, I suppose. I had other best friends, but he was the one I talked to about life and such. We had salvaged a relationship after a break-up, one which we don't talk about. This wasn't talk that you talk about with just anyone, this was... special.
"The doctor, they pricked my finger and it hurts."
"Did they give you a band-aid? If they have little kid band-aids, you should ask for one. Studies that I just made up show that they heal you faster." Typical Hunter, thinking like that. It was just his way, but it help. Sometimes.
"They gave me a cotton ball."
"Well for a small finger prick, isn't really needed." Yes, they are. I know they are. And I need one. For my finger. "...So cotton balls make sense." Rational.
"It hurts..." I waited a moment. "They think something is wrong with me."
"It should get better soon, it's just a small prick." Okay, that was not making me feel any better. Plus, that's not what I'm talking about.
"No. They think something is wrong with me." Special emphasis on the wrong.
"Did they say what they think it is?"
"Maybe you'll find out you have a strand of mutated DNA and you're just days away from growing wings." It made me smile. It didn't make me feel any better, but it made me smile. It counted for something, right?
"They think it's an infection or something I don't remember. I was freaking out." I waited. Neither of us spoke. "I don't want to die, Hunter. What it there's really something wrong with me?"
"Okay, think. Even if something is wrong with you, you'd know if you were on the verge of death."
I did think. For three seconds. "Yeah, but you hear stories all the time where people go into the emergency room for a stomach ache and they amputate their foot. House things, they scare me." I waited. "I'm scared of the bathroom now too. Life."
"I'm sure that bathroom is safe. You'll even keep your foot."
By this time, I was on the internet. I already had tabs open from before I went to the doctor's office. Some fan fiction, ABC family's site, where I was watching Melissa and Joey, and Tumblr. I opened another tab, when to YouTube, and stopped. There was this song that was suggested for me. There Goes the Fear. Ugh, more depressing things. But it was a nice song. "But how do you know?"
"Well, I don't know for sure, but it's not likely you lose a foot."
Of all the things he could've said. "This is the part where you're supposed to say, 'I just know.' But I like yours too."
"I though about that, but that's what everyone says." True.
"Luke says it to Lorelai in Forgiveness and Stuff, and when Rory says she doesn't want her grandpa to die, he tells Rory to tell him when she sees him."
"I had a feeling a TV reference was coming up."
We were both quiet.
"I don't want to wake up one morning to see that life's passed me by."
He didn't speak. I knew he wouldn't. We didn't talk serious anymore. And that's when I thought. Nobody knows the real me, not my mom, or my dad, or my brother, or my friends. Nobody know how many times I've sat in my room crying because my parents were fighting or because I had a bad day at school or I looked over my life choices. Nobody knows how may times I've lost hope, I don't even know how many times I've lost hope. How many times I've been let down when my mother says we'd do something, go somewhere, or leave my father. Nobody knows how many times I've had to hold back tears, how many times I've almost snapped but don't, just for that sake of other people. The ones I love. The thoughts that run through my head, they really are terrible things. But, it's how I lived. Anything else and I just wouldn't be me. I could deal. I would deal.
"So, how's your life?"
For now, I could deal.
To my Hunter, you know who you are, this is just the way I am. You can't change it. Don't try. Just read and accept. I'll be okay.