47.2

47.2

47.2

I can't believe I can associate that number with my name. I can't believe that I am 47.2.

But, really, 47.2 isn't that skinny. It's not like it means I'm thin or anything. I was 48, but that is a disgusting number. A foul and unmentionable number.

Never again, I promise.

They did threaten to hospitalise me if I lost any more weight, but they must mean when I'm below 45, because 47.2 is closer to 50, and 50 is definitely fat. If you're below 45 then you must be skinny.

Right?

For now, I'll just get down to 46.

I'll be 46 next time the doctors ask.

Maybe 45 if I'm lucky. Because 45 would mean I was skinny enough. Maybe.

But my real goal is 42. It's such a beautiful number, 42.

But, if I reached 42, I know I would want 40, and then under 40, because that's what all the skinny girls weigh, don't they? Under 40?

So, then 38 because it's a nice number even and under 40.

But, 38 is only just under 40, so I should aim for 35, because if I were 35 that would mean that I was in between 40 and 30. BUT, then I may as well aim for 32. 32 is the number all the girl's who actually have eating disorders weigh.

But you don't have an eating disorder, because you're fat.

No question. 47.2 isn't that great. It's not good enough. Why was I ever happy with 47.2? 47.2 is a normal weight.

BMI lies, or it doesn't apply to you.

Because you're fat.

So let's just aim for 46 for now.

Yes. Let's.

46.

46.

46.

A/N: This was my thought process for the day. I do actually refer to myself in second person, or that may just be my ED voice in my head. That's why it's in italics. I'm not bragging or complaining, nor do I expect any comments on this, I just needed to get it out of my head as it was literally just a loop in my head like that ALL day.