i thought your ashes would be black,
like the little black box that contained them,
but when it was opened, i saw that the ashes were
white. it left smudges upon your son's jeans
as he threw handfuls of the white dust into the river
they asked me if i wanted to scatter
a handful of your ashes, and that was
when the tears spilled from my eyes and
words fell from my lips

"i'm scared"