|Guide to Linderag
Author: RandomID PM
What to expect and what to do in Linderag - the absurd place I live in. This is more like a column.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,915 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 08-27-12 - Published: 08-16-12 - id: 3050897
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hey, let me introduce you to... (drum roll)
Part two of Guide to Linderag!
So I was sitting there wondering and realized that people need friends to be happy.
Here is how you make friends in Linderag. Not gonna help to keep them around tho.
When you meet a new person first impression is very important and your future relationship relies by 87% on a set of rules:
#1: Natural brunettes do not match with: a) dyed-haired people; b) tanned blonds. It may sound shallow but your hair color immediately puts you in a certain part of the population and you WILL be judged by it the first (or more) time(s) you are seen.
#2: The difference between the amount of make-up you and person B wear is opposite to how many fucks are given about the other person's "inner beauty". This rule applies mostly to girls, however... yeah.
#3: Every girl wants a male gay best friend.
#4: Taken that appearence is defined by numbers 1-25 (1 being a hobo, 7 being a hipster, 18 being neutral and 25 defining a "very easy to get" person), if the difference between your appearences is 13 or more, you just aren't meant to be together. Ever. Unless it's a 1-5 who found change and a 23-25 who lost it.
#5: Say "Hi." Just "Hi." and no extra stuff for the first moments because that is what people are successful at messing up at. This part has to send a message: "This is me, I can talk and I am willing to do so." not "Hey, this is me, I'm a weirdo because ostriches."
If you know these rules, your chances of not screwing up a relationship within the first 30 seconds of interaction get significantly higher. When you pass that very dangerous zone of first impressions you can start caring what the person is like in one's mind.
The good thing about Linderag in this case is that the people have a very common type of getting to know each other: complaints. For as long as the other person gets annoyed by the same things as you, your chances of getting along and maybe even becoming friends (after passing the first impression part) go from 11% to 69% even thought the possibility of you wanting to stab the person from time to time remains the same (84% in case you were wondering). [Data based on trustworthy sources, of course.]
Once you have shared your frustrations and annoyances, you can move on to part 3 of building a relationship. Meaning, you need to find something you both like. It may sound scary but it's very important as lack of common interest can make you seem boring and forgettable. It is especially important in Linderag as it's the best way to get away from the "emo" part of the population (which is not that big due to the suicide rates) and drunk retards (if you happen to be sober at the time).
I must add a very important, scientifically proven detail: the better the first impression (amongst numbers 12-23 [It all goes down to money after.]), the more people are willing to "adjust" themselves to the partner's interests during parts 2 and 3. It happens... because of reasons.
Holy shit, part 2. I know, I keep them short. I just find myself more creative this way. Also, I wouldn't want to waste too much time of yours.
P.S. If you are still reading, leave feedback. Pwease?