Nighttime

It is nearly midnight

I've been in bed for two hours

I cannot sleep

Fear tightens in my chest

My breath is short

But this is nothing new

My mind is racing

I have another headache

Do I have a tumor?

My stomach hurts

I'm going to throw up

But there is nothing to throw up

What if in my sleep my lungs give out

What if I die

I'll go to Hell

I'm going to die

And then I'm going to Hell

I try to remember

What did Anthony say to do

When I am afraid

When I was little

And only afraid of the dark

"Have no fear, God is here"

Perhaps I doubt that He is

But I repeat it like a mantra

Over and over again

Slowly my heart going to normal

My mind stops racing

That single phrase continues

Fills up my entire body

Until I finally sleep

After four hours

Already dreading

Tomorrow night

When I will do this all again