ANDROIDAGE

I moved my body further and further away from the grass that wept in the meadows and out into the open air, searching for something to feel, something to find. I remember the last time that this happened in vivid description, every inch and detail swarming through me like wasps and hornets stinging at my nerves. My thin frame still moved forward as if I was collecting all of the memories that my mind had let escape and trying to put them back into order. They called it a malfunction of the human mind that they had genetically engineered. People like me were people that could feel not a thing but I defied my standards and my mode. They called it a malfunction. It was a flaw in the design that they were supposed to give us. We are not allowed to feel a thing; we are not allowed to feel the feelings of human love or treachery. We are not allowed to feel emotion at all, actually. Stuck for words, my heart sung out with the sound of a thousand bells. The yearning of the heart is more powerful than any rule that stood in my way, but I knew that it was too good to be true.

My eighteen year old body is similar to the body of the Andro that was taken away for its own malfunction mere weeks before. The 'incident' as the people of West Lowerton called it was an experience like no others. A group of Andros found themselves in deep trouble after coming in contact with the malfunction. The error of the program that creates all of the Andros, including myself, can somehow spread to other Andros like a disease. Maybe that's why I had a case of emotion, a clinical disease. Mine, however, can't spread because my sort of sickness is more than the heart can ever understand. The human mind cannot even grasp the feeling of the heart that sings for the very first time. An Andro with a human heart is an Andro that is cursed, however. I am aware that I myself am a malfunction in design and in the emotion that I display. My half-witted eyes are no longer so low-browed. Instead, my eyes open with full context and attention. I am an observer now instead of an emotionless Andro and yet I feel as if feeling everything makes me feel nothing at all.

"What am I?" The trees didn't give the response that I wanted them to elicit, "An Andro? Or am I more?" Even though I look like a normal human being on the outside and the inside, I am aware that I am completely synthetic. The materials that make up human beings are instead replaced with materials that do not make up living creatures even though I still feel like a human. The thing is, if I were to tear apart, I could easily be put back together or replaced by another, more attractive Andro. Andros like me, blonde, skinny, and frail, were masqueraded to look young. Eighteen is the age that we are masked to be; in reality, my true age happens to be only five. I am five years old with the body of an eighteen year old and I will always be immortalized as such. Humans would be happy to have the immortal life that I have but I find it a curse as well as a blessing. I get to watch people around me die off in cruel dances, of shudders and gasps. I do not get ill, I do not rust or change, I am immortal; human beings, however, do not possess the immortal qualities that I happen to possess.

The immortality of my heart and restlessness of my husk is combatted against with the usual make up of having no emotion. This void, however, is filled by the malfunction. The whistling of the trees could be heard through my cold silicone ears and played through my synthetic mind like a song waiting to appear. "What are you doing here, Nihil?" I turn my cold frame to the woman that stands there in her vigor, her flowing blonde hair resembles mine but with a blue tint to it that almost makes her hair seem crystalline. Her voice is as cold as her hair; I know, however, that she means no harm to me in any way, shape, or form.

"No reason, I simply came to observe your humanizing trees," I felt myself go cold and limp just like the stare that the woman, Ize, was giving me, "They make you seem less cold, Ize." As much as I wanted to feel a grin rise up on my face, I manage to resist the urge to express my emotion to the girl. Instead, I stare at her round, opaque glasses as she moves them up with the index finger of her left hand.

"Right." She didn't say a thing as she glanced at the trees with me, turning around and surveying the landscape behind herself and behind me.

"If I might ask, how did you know that I was up here?" At this point, my eyes glare at the trees that I previously 'examined'.

"I watched you leave."

"That always helps," My programmed sarcasm seems almost natural with these new emotions that I feel, "It's nice to know that someone cares about where I go during the day. Maybe I should watch you watching me next time." Even though it might have felt as if the older version of me had been obliterated in time, I am able to still feel the pulse of my old thoughts running through my electronic veins. "That is sure to turn out to be an interesting experiment, indeed," I chatter, the words that I am able to formulate come out as cold as my pale skin; my lips are as tender as a spring breeze.

The discontent of lacking any more words to say passed as quickly as the tenderness of my lips. The woman, Ize, was gone within the blink of an eye and I am left to my own devices, my own tricks, and my own scandals. Ize is a woman that I have found myself becoming more involved with each and every day. She is a programmer of the Andros. She knows how they work and how they tick. That is why she took a particular interest in the malfunction. The Andros had always been a race of human-like creatures since their conception and never took in any information or radio signals that might have caused them to feel anything but blank. I, certainly, have not or else I would have felt it the day that the malfunction happened. However, she is aware of something more sinister that I am still trying to figure out. Even though Andros in general have no emotion, the Andros are known to comply with human requests for friendships. Ize has requested such a friendship with me as her servant and as her close, personal Andro friend. No other has ever been able to break the boundary except for me. I am blessed, truly; I realize, however, my futility may get to her eventually. Am I trying to hide my true self to her or is she already aware I have come in contact with the malfunction? As a programmer, it should be easy to answer this question; she seems clueless to the fact that I have emotions, however. I prefer for it to stay that way.

Just like a book with a fluttering page, my weeping willow legs sweep around and I spin on my heel to turn around and walk through the field of grass that I had earlier found myself in the middle of with all of its bugs and wild animals scampering about. The fingers of my hands twist and twirl to a melancholy of music that repeats in my head. Drunk with emotion, I look across the field in a daze looking for any sign of the girl's ice-tinted hair but see no sign of her. She truly left the field with nothing much to say. She is in and out like a banshee looking for her next prey but I am simply a wanderer with no interest in being that prey. I did not let my guard down to the girl, not even to her. Andros had to keep a reputation for being tough in every single way. We all seem guarded almost one hundred percent of the time but the malfunction makes it hard to act like I used to even though it is naturally coded into my infraware.

In the blink of an eye and over the passage of time, I found myself mere hours after I had glanced at the trees with a fellow Andro. Andros have to recharge just like humans do except we do not sleep. Instead, we are plugged into a wall through what appear to be an IV, causing electricity to run through us and pulsate around until we feel fully ready to see the world for the day. I speak eloquently, "What is it with human beings?"

"What do you mean?" What sort of answer was I expecting from an Andro that was still have witted, from an Andro that happened to be completely unaware of anything going on? Fellow Andros would never be fully in touch with their emotions as I happen to be. His blank Andro eyes did not peer towards me with a look of concern and his voice was as cold as steel lying out in the winter snow.

"Why do they care so much about everything?" A prodding nature with Andros happens to be very common. Even the most emotionless of Andros question the power and emotion of their human companions.

"They're humans."

The blank, dull question lingers in my mind for a couple of moments as I realize it. Andros are different from human beings in so many ways but I still feel connected to them somehow. The malfunction had already surged through me like a broken record's scratch surged through the ears of those that were near. Being modeled after human beings, however, meant that even the emotionless could sometimes seem emotional. That, however, is the beauty of the Andros to the humans. We are able to do all of the work of a human being without getting physically or emotionally tired from the labor. Time passes in our world quicker simply because the world is different in our eyes. Instead of raising families or maintaining jobs for money, we work for human beings to simply recharge and go back to work. Almost every minute of every day is wasted on making bracelets, scarves, and sweaters for human beings to wear. Other Andros work in farming fields or at restaurants. The Andros work force has all but replaced the work force of human beings. Many humans are now expected to laze back and let their Andro do all of the work. Now able to question these intentions, I prod further into my mind. I find nothing wrong. Maybe it is because I have been programmed not to feel anything about the people that have created me, but I feel a legitimate kindness towards the humans despite their obvious abuses. What is it about them that makes them so alluring to me? I am unaware.

"You are right," In a mere minute, I could already hear my voice creek and choke out the words that had come so easily before I had come in contact with the malfunction that swept up Andros like the disease it was. The disease of emotion cursed me to the core. A part of me wanted the feeling of being dead back; the other part of me wanted to explore these feelings further and prod at their beginning. Why do I feel this way? What are the emotions able to do to me and the people around me? What am I able to harness, exactly, with the emotions that I happen to have?

I flutter my eyes closed, allowing myself to take in the feeling of being able to recharge.