Hayley

Jessica didn't go back to school for four whole DAYS after what that guy did to her and all. I don't know how she could stand it. If I didn't go to school for that long and I just sat around in my pajamas all day not talking to anyone I'd be so freakin' depressed. No wonder she looked kind of bad when we saw her, how are you going to feel better if you don't even like try to make yourself look better?

I was really trying my best to be a good friend to her though. I texted her when she was in school asking her when she was coming back and telling her we miss her and are there for her and stuff, even though Cassie said I should leave her alone and let her talk to me herself. Which is just dumb because Jessica wasn't really talking to anyone, and since we're her best friends isn't that our job then? I mean how does she know she should come back to school and that she's missing all this stuff if we don't talk to her?

Cassie said we should be bringing her homework assignments or something but I think that's a stupid idea too. Who wants to do homework if they're staying home from school because they're really sad? It's not like writing papers and doing projects is going to make you feel better, and anyway she should be excused from that or something. Jess coming back to school wouldn't mean that she was coming back for WORK, jeez, it would be coming back to hang out with people again and feel better. It's not like you get over stuff by sitting alone in your room. I wasn't going to bring her stupid homework, Cassie could do that and be the boring one if she wanted.

Instead I just would come over after school like I did that first day and just tell Jessica about what other people were doing at school and what she was missing out on, so she wouldn't feel left out when she came back. I told everyone at school how Jessica was doing and at Jessica's house I told her what people were asking about her and that people kept talking to Ryan too. Normally it was really weird and awkward seeing Jess because she hardly talked and I was never even sure if she was listening. She'd just sit there all quiet and hardly look at me and not really say much or ask anything, but the second time I came over when I started telling her people were talking to Ryan, she sat up really straight and blinked and got this look on her face like she was really surprised or like she didn't like that, or something.

"People are asking Ryan about me?" she said, and I nodded, actually kind of smiling because it was such a relief that she was finally going to talk back about the stuff I was saying.

"Yeah, Jess, that's nice, isn't it? Everyone is really interested in how you're doing and what happened to you and stuff, they all really care. Everyone keeps asking Ryan-"

"What are they asking Ryan?" she asked, and she was still kind of staring at me with this weird kind of scrunched up look on her face. Not like she was going to cry exactly or anything, I still haven't seen her cry, which is kind of weird all by itself. I would be crying if I felt bad enough to stay home all day and if I'd had some guy do to me what he did to Jessica.

"Well, you know," I shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed and kind of playing with the corner of her blanket with my fingers, because her voice and face were so weird then it was sort of uncomfortable to look at her. "Asking how you're doing, if he's pissed off and going to go kill that guy, that kind of stuff. Asking what happened, what kind of things you're saying to him when he comes to see you."

I looked up at her then, curious, because I didn't really know the answers to that stuff. I'd tried to ask Ryan but he'd just sort of stared at me and told me he didn't want to talk about it and to leave him alone. That's a guy for you, never good with all the emotional stuff.

"What DOES he say when he sees you? I mean I can tell he's really upset and mad and everything, but he doesn't say much."

Jessica didn't answer me though, not really anyway. She bit her lip and looked down into her lap, and then her shoulders slumped again and her voice got quiet, but it was still tight and weird when she asked, "Why would they ask him those things?"

"Huh? Because they want to know, and he's your boyfriend?" I reminded her, laughing a little. "So he would know?"

She didn't say anything for a while, she was just staring down at her lap and her hair was half hanging in her face so I couldn't see what she was doing. I started to shift around, kind of uncomfortable, because when she gets like that and I'm the one doing all the talking it starts to make me nervous. She never used to be like this.

"They shouldn't ask him those things," she said finally. "It's not their business….they should stop."

"Well, they're all your friends and they just want to know about you…how else are they going to know since they can't see you?" I reminded her, and when she didn't say anything I nudged at her shoulder with mine. "Jessica, you should come to school…come on, it's got to be better than here with your mom breathing down your neck and everyone just making you feel bad. Come on, come back!"

Jessica shook her head, and I swear, she STILL wouldn't really look at me. "No…I don't know, Hayley. It's…not now, not yet….I can't."

I kept telling her she should and she kept saying no, and then I didn't really know what to say to her at all anymore because she sort of stopped talking to me. So I got up and left and just told her I guessed I'd text her or something, but I didn't come over the next day. It would have felt weird because of how it was this time, and Cassie still wouldn't come over with me, because she kept saying stupid things like I should call first. So I just didn't go at all. But something I said must have worked because the day after that, she was back in school just like I kept telling her she should be. So maybe she did listen to me after all and just didn't want to admit it. Cassie doesn't know everything, maybe I really was helping her.