|10 percent of Fictionpress Romance Genre
Author: JMGoto PM
Erin McIntosh wants to write a romance story. However, she's part of the 10 percent of writers who don't use the usual cliches in romance stories. Would her story survive in the Romance genre of Fictionpress? Or would she have to delete it once more. Starts as a ramble one-shot to play safe. RnR if curios...Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,610 - Reviews: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 09-20-12 - Published: 09-14-12 - id: 3058165
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I would like to thank Tereseh, Ciao Niccie, Aracelix and for the reviews. I appreciate for you to review and point out the flaws of my work and I'll keep them in mind when writing. So thank you for giving a present in which many people have call it a review.
Chapter 3- Pace and Introductions
Writing the pace of a story is similar to how you walk or run. You could go with the flow of the rhythm and makes things feel smooth and professional, or you could go against with the rhythm and makes things feel bumpy and awkward like a totally amateur. Either way, it depends mostly on walk-the-walk more then talk-the-talk. That's how I learned it in the hard way.
Approaching the school with an elated feeling of turning a new leaf in my head. A feeling of anxiety was fluttering in my heart; it was beating faster every time I took a step closer towards the school. A thought was brewing in my head about venturing into an unknown area that I haven't experience before. It was not the first time I had this thought, but they can always appear nerve wrecking.
"Hey…" A stoic voice broke my thoughts. Realizing that I was walking with somebody. I glanced towards Kenji Masaki who walked beside, realizing that we are very close from each other. I awkwardly stepped away from him.
"If you're feeling nervous. There's no point on worrying about that; we're a pretty slow paced school compared from where you're from, so take it easy…" he spoke. Stopping and crouching down just to tie his shoelace. I took a look around my new school, seeing that it was way larger than my old school with three interconnected large buildings, a parking lot and a field-and-track. I felt somewhat more nerve wrecked than a banged up car in a speedy highway; I might eventually into pieces before the day is done.
But in a lazy daze while being trapped in my thoughts. A sudden sharp pain was forced into my chest. Not knowing how to react at that time, I braced for impact until someone caught me behind. Looking back it was Kenji who broke my fall. However, the next thing I saw before I got up, a guy was lying on the floor.
Above him was a very feisty blond girl. Well endowed with thick mascara and a black leather jacket. She had a face that indicates that she had triumph in something while posing in a taunting position above the guy. Glancing her head towards another direction, she spoke some words. At the distant I couldn't here anything, but judging by her face and her walking away. It seemed her friends had called out to her.
Out of good nature, I got up and walked over to the guy on the floor. Crouching down, I saw his nose was bleeding, glasses were chipped and a huge lump was forming on his cheek; probably a computer geek I guess. But what interests me was his hair. Spiked and flaring sideways with a spiky fringe covering his forehead. Like the girl, he too had sharp features, but what softens him was the way he wore the yellow scarf around his mouth.
"Hello?" I called, checking if he was awake.
"Hi…" he moaned back, eyes still clothes as he moaned some more. He got up and winced in pain, rubbing the bruise on his check from a strong left hook (or right? I didn't see her punching him). He opened his eyes to reveal dark brown eyes that somewhat looked dull and sleepy.
"You alright?" Kenji asked. Standing beside me while offering a hand.
"No thanks…" He decline flatly, rising up as he moaned some more to the pain. I asked him what was the punch for. He replied, "That's NV Adams for you".
Removing his glasses and seeing the damage that was done, He asked if his eyes were okay.
"Yeah… They're good", Kenji replied blankly.
"Okay. How about you?" The guy asked me. Looking down and aiming straight for my eyes, I had a sudden urge to look away from him.
"They're okay", I mumbled out of embarrassment.
"Maybe I'll get them looked later…" he muttered. Not taking account on our replies as he dusted his jeans and placed his chipped glasses in his pocket. He let out a hand to help lift me up. I politely declined it as I told him I can lift myself up, but his offer linger longer than the average person, so I had no choice but to except it.
Lifting me up, I saw that he was a few inches taller than me. Asking me if I was all right, I immediately and firmly said, "Yes".
"Okay…" He replied in a weird tone. Taken a back to my reaction. He sighed and patted his pocket, mumbling some swear words under his breath. He said that he'd see us around before slinging his bag on his shoulder. Turning around and casually waving a good bye. Kenji told me his name was Sol Mason. Average computer genius but has very little social skills with people. Explaining that this not the first time that he got injured by NV Adams since he's NV's most targeted person in the school.
He also furthered elaborated on who is NV Adams is on the way to homeroom. Dropping by the school office to pick up my timetable. He explained to me that NV in short is a very mean person. Her real name is Natalie V. Adams (somewhat similar to that character in that comic) and she plainly likes to pick on people because she just likes doing it.
"You'll be surprise on what people say about her. Some of it are mostly true but the rest is just to exaggerate the real truth", He spoke. Opening the door and bumping into a girl that looked like she was ripped off a horror film.
"Sorry I didn't see you there". She spoke softly, bowing her that causes her long black hair to cover her eyes. I was somewhat terrified of seeing but relived to see her walk away.
"Imogen Miller. Emo for short. No one knows anything about her, but apparently they are afraid of her and spread rumors about her dealing with witchcraft", Kenji spoke.
"Easy to understand", I nodded. Seeing how that a girl that scary can't be approached that easily. I used to say that you can't judge a book by its cover, even if it has bloodstains over it.
Later afterwards when I approached my homeroom…
Kenji told me that I should step in first. Crouching down and tying his shoelaces once more, I shrugged and saw that there was no harm going ahead of him.
Opening the door and stepping inside; I was immediately crashed to the ground- again.
"Woah! Sorry, I didn't see you there…" A frantic voice spoke. Pulling my hands strongly upwards into a standing position and coming face-to-face with a rather vicious looking girl. Not as vicious as NV, but somehow she looked frightening.
The girl was dark skinned and dark haired that ended up to her shoulders. She had slanted eyes, a cheerful smile and was a few inches taller than me. Looking down I saw that she wears a miniskirt with bright red leggings that wrapped around her fairly, tone legs.
"I see you hurt the new girl", Kenji spoke flatly, entering the classroom and placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Kenji you bastard. You set this poor girl up", the girl glared at him.
"Well I knew this was going to happen eventually", Kenji replied. Letting out a yawn as the girl comment him on being very, "Cold".
She eventually apologized and introduced herself as Toni Baxton.
"Erin McIntosh", I greeted back. Letting out a somewhat nervous smile to Toni as she smiled back as well.
"Nice to meet you Erin!" Toni spoke. Patting (more slapping) my back very hard that I was bought down to my knees.
"Oh… Sorry 'bout that", Toni spoke. Crouching down so that she was leveled to me. "I don't know my own strength, so don't sweat about it Kay?"
"Yeah… Sure." I spoke, standing up as Toni stood up as well. She turned around to call out somebody.
Looking behind her, a girl; no more than sixteen walked towards me. She had thick curly brown ginger hair, tan skin, lushes lips and a well-endowed figure in fashionable clothing. I nearly have mistaken her for a movie star more than a typical high school student. Greeting me in a formal fashion and doing a hair flip, she introduced herself as Melanie Del Rio.
"Nice to meet you", I spoke. "I'm Erin McIntosh".
"Pleasure all mine", she smiled. "So where are you from Erin?"
"New York", I replied back.
"Oh. We got another New Yorker as well", Toni laughed. Explaining that Melanie was from New York as well.
"Small world eh?" Toni smiled.
"Indeed, anyways, we should settle. Mr. Martinez usually comes five minutes after the bell" Melanie spoke. Walking away from the group to her desk as Kenji told me I should around his desk.
Five minutes after the bell rang, the homeroom teacher Mr. Martinez, open the door with a huge bang. Apparently he was running judging by him puffing and wheezing at the doorway. He was rather young looking at the age of no more than twenty-six with brown hair and tan skin.
"Sorry I was late, my car broke down, again" He spoke. Letting a reassuring smile that it was not a big problem. He looked around his class; scanning who was here or who was not here. He was rather surprised when his eye gazed on me. Smiling and saying, "Sorry for not making a good impression."
He asked me for my name to which I replied as Erin McIntosh.
He smiled some more, "So your Damian's niece", He spoke. Explaining that his wife is his older sister.
The class began to laugh at this piece of information; it was somewhat depressing on knowing that your homeroom teacher was your uncle.
Telling me he teaches Spanish. Wondering on language class I took, I double-checked my timetable to see what language I had chosen; Spanish with Mr. Martinez.
"Oh Joy!" I spoke in a sarcastic tone. Telling me that I should sit next to Melanie Del Rio. Melanie gave me somewhat a sympathetic smile.
"Hey… At least it was not that embarrassing" she whispered.
"Well what is embarrassing then?" I asked.
"Maybe, having the class loser following you…"
"Huh?" I asked.
"Never mind", she spoke. Waving her hand to indicate she doesn't want to talk about it.
"Okay", I replied. Turning away from her as she looked away as well.
I've realized that there was guy looking at her in a rather weirdly happy manner. A question popped in my head and was wondering, "Who's that guy?"
During the first day of school, I found that everything was a lot more complex than my old school.
Similar to a new employee at a large factory; I could keep pace with everyone else as everyone looked like they know where they are going. I was prone on getting lost or ending up at the wrong places thanks to my bad map reading skills and the reliance of faulty information given by some mean girls. But somehow, I manage to get there before everyone could sit.
Introducing myself to all my new teachers, I always ended up at the back row of my morning classes between Kenji and that girl Emo. The only thing that I found scarier than Emo was NV Adams who either sits directly or in front of me during that morning.
Poking me with pencils, flicking piece of rubber and crumpled pieces of paper. Pushing me when leaving the class or tripping me while walking down the hall. I've felt I had become NV's new favorite plaything because when lunch came around. I immediately ran out the class and into the cafeteria, lining almost instantly while grabbing a tray. I was given a plate of spaghetti and paid the amount.
Looking around ands seeing where I could sit. Immediately, the trey flipped vertical and I was met with a face full of sauce.
Looking down, the plate was upside down and splattered.
Strands of spaghetti were in my hair while sauce was splattered on my blouse. I licked my lips and tasted tomato sauce. Seeing that it covered my entire face. I wiped the sauce out of my close eyelids before opening them and coming face-to-face with NV herself.
"Hey Girly, I hope you like desert", she snickered. Holding a piece of banana cream pie in her hand. She smothered it into my face.
Hearing her snide laughter as the pie peeled off my face. A dead silence had suddenly formed in the room; eyes staring at me while NV continued on laughing. I immediately felt sad, but had hells fury on me.
Looking at her and about say something. A voice stopped her from laughing.
"Natalie", an aloof voice spoke.
Turning around like NV. A fairly mature looking girl with auburn hair and brown eyes were staring at her. She wore professional clothing and had an aloof facial expression on her.
"Natalie. Natalie. Natalie", the girl shook her head, "I know it may be fun making of fun on people. But what you did was completely cold". She said.
Walking towards me and giving me a handkerchief, she told me to go, to which I immediately did.
Running out the cafeteria with my eyes that were suddenly swollen up with tears. My vision was foggy so I couldn't see that well, but I bumped into somebody by accident.
"Hey!" the person shouted. Stepping back and hearing a gasp being made. I half expected that person to shout until the person said, "What happened to you?"
Open my eyes. I came across a lanky looking boy with messy hair and a worried expression his face. His striped T-shirt was splattered with sauce.
"Nothing…" I replied. Trying to run until I felt something grabbed hand.
Turning around and seeing that guy was holding my hand. He had that look on him that said, "I beg to differ".
"Are you sure?" He asked. "It looks like your having a very bad day".
That's an understatement, I thought.
However, seeing that he was the only person who looked quiet concerned about me. I told and weep everything that happened so far.
"I see…" he spoke. Pinching his chin lightly while placing his elbow on his hand.
"I've seen worse things that NV is capable on doing. I think your lucky to keep your mind intact", he explained. Sitting down the staircase while I stood up. "But what she did was indeed very bad. But however, there are things you must let it slide". He spoke. Breaking out in a bright smile that suddenly filled up my soul with warmth. I couldn't help but to cry some more as he tried to calm me down. Seeing that the only option he had was buying me some canned coffee from the vendor machine. I immediately said thank you and paid back the same amount he spent.
Clipping the can open and chugging the cold beverage. He looked at it for a moment and smiled. Saying thanks to me while I stared at him. I asked him a question that regards about his name. Saying that his name his Jonah Micah. He asked me as for mine as well.
"Erin McIntosh. Sounds like a nice name", he spoke in a lazy daze. He muttered something about "Not as pretty as hers" before realizing where he was.
"Eh… Sorry about that", he spoke nervously. Rubbing his hand behind his neck as we sat down on stairs together.
Looking at my stain on my blouse, he said he'd give me his cardigan to help cove up my stain
"Really?" I exclaimed. Surprised about this information.
"Yup", he smiled. "Don't worry about me, I got PE next. So it wouldn't matter".
Taking out a green cardigan out from his bag. He immediately gave it to me to wear. Saying that I should hurry to class as the bell rang. I said thanks to him before running off.
After finish my electives for the day.
I waited out by the bleachers at the Track-n-field.
Looking around for Jonah, I spotted him talking to a girl.
Squinting my eyes even further. I've notice that he was talking to a girl with black hair and pail skin. Realizing that it was Emo he was talking to; I've noticed she looked more human with her hair tied up to a bun.
Looking at his reaction, I've notice he was not that outgoing to her than me. Seeing him flushing and making nervous reactions like a little boy. I just wonder what is the relationship between the two.
Glancing around some more. I notice a blond girl at the bottom end of the bleachers. It was not NV, but seeing her at the distance, I could tell she looked rather cute. However the expression she was showing that she had some sort of attachment to Jonah; A girlfriend possibly?
Wondering on what she will do, I've walked down the bleachers towards her and ask her if she could do a favor by returning Jonah's cardigan.
"Of course", she chirped. Putting a cute smile on her face as she took the cardigan off me. I said thanks and turned around before walking away from the scene.
Later than evening after eating dinner and finish off some homework.
I turned on my computer and clicked the document I did yesterday. Opening up the Internet as well to see my fictionpress account. I hovered my trackpad towards the publish tab before clicking onto my stories.
Half expecting for no reviews, I was surprised to see two.
Clicking the orange hyper-link. I quickly skimmed the reviews before rereading them in a more dignified pace.
Smiling and feeling that I had fulfilled something by those generous words.
I returned back towards the word document and added what happened so far today. Adding a authors note on top to say thank you to the people whose names I won't reveal for posting a review.
I clicked save, copy-n-paste the story into the manage documents tab. Click my story, add a new chapter and closed my computer.
Seeing that at least some read my work. I was wondering would the reviews in my story would increase or not. Or am I just writing this for the reviews more than the love of it. But I had to agree, everything is 50/50 when it comes to fictionpress stories.