Dear Amy,

A lot of people don't like me, and I'm constantly being picked on for how I dress. I don't think I look that bad. But high school is hell for me! HELL! The kids are mean, and there's no one I can relate to. I feel so alone.

From Ghost in the Hallway

Dear Ghost in the Hallway

If you think you look good then who cares what others think? Just be you. Wouldn't you be happier wearing the clothes you're comfortable in rather than dressing up to please other people? Someone picks on you, ignore them. It's no fun playing a two player game when the other isn't willing to participate. Eventually they'll give up and leave you be. And as long as I'm here you'll never be alone. ; )

Love Amy

Conner and Kwan looked as if martians were about to beam us up from space.

"Why would you be Ask Amy?" Conner asked tersely.

Amy fingered her brown curls. "Duh I'm a Senior. My name is Amy. I give good adivce. I-" She trailed off when I started to laugh. "Excuse you little orphan Annie?"

Which wasn't fair. My hair wasn't even curly today. It was straight.

"Amy you can barely spell your name let alone write out adivce to people," Kwan said quietly.

Amy looked at him tersly. "Was anyone talking to you Jackie Chan?"

Conner picked up his booksack from where it was propped up against my leg. I felt his big strong hands wrap around my ankle and give me a playful squeeze before he hauled the booksack over his shoulder. "My point exactly you're better at insulting people rather than giving advice."

Amy looked at Conner and licked her lips. She was definatly checking him out much to Ruby's charigrin. I half wanted to shout in her face, "See Amy's not so great!" but from the look of utter hopelessness on her face even I couldn't be that cruel. Even Ruby knew that she couldn't compete with Amy Packard. Because Amy Packard always gets her man. Don't believe me ask the crucifix of Jesus. He knows. She makes out with her boyfriends in front of him all the time. But Conner actually has a brain and isn't swayed by a pretty face and big boobs that I'm not even sure are real. No one goes from a B cup to a D cup over Winter break which is a period of 3 weeks. There's not enough whole milk in the world to make her boobs that big. And you know she has to flaunt them with her super skin tight shirts and push up bras. Conner's not a fan of push up bras. He once told me that push up bras are like a bag of potato chips, "You open it up and it's only half full." When did he ever open a push up bra I have no idea.

"So Conner, " Amy says twirling a brown curl, "Who are you going to homecoming with?"

Conner shrugged. "Probably not going."

To which Amy replied with, "You totally should! It's going to be so much fun and the after party is at my house!" She was bouncing so much I kinda half expected for one of her presumed fake boobs to pop.

Conner turned around to face her. "Yeah. Sure." He then turned back to his locker to grab more books.

"You can be my date," she suggested which made both Ruby and I suck in a huge breath. Ruby glared at me and stormed off in the other direction apparently done with the conversation. I was gonna get a lot of heat from that later.

Conner watched her go for a moment then turned back to Amy Packard who was waiting with a He-is-so-mine smile and said very tersly, "Sorry but I have someone else in mind," and walked off leaving her to gape at his backside with a wad of Juicy Fruit bubblegum in her mouth. At this point Conner was my hero.

"Hmph!" Amy said stomping her little sandled foot and trudging in the opposite direction.

"Wow," Kwan said raking a hand through his inky black hair.

"Wow," I repeated going after Conner. I caught up with him just as he was making his way inside Study Hall. Conner and I had the exact same schedule. Go figure. I think it just proves we're destined to be together right? No probably not but I can dream can't I? Even though I know he's gonna grow up, probably marry Ruby, and have pretty babies I should at least have the satisfaction of ogling him in my mind.

"That was so amazing," I said pulling up a chair beside him.

He said nothing, just gazed at me with those all too knowing green eyes of his.

"What?" I asked immediatly feeling self conscience. I grabbed a strand of my hair and tugged the end, a bad habit that I often did when nervous. Was my hair not straight enough? Did the frappe stain my teeth?

"Nothing," he said quietly pushing his chair back and weaving his way among the student bodies. He came back three minutes later with a copy of the school's newspaper and immediatly turned to the Ask Amy section. My heart drummed a little bit harder. I don't care if other people thought Ask Amy was Amy Packard. That was a good thing. It kept me in the dark. Secretly, though, I could have sworn Conner knew. Conner isn't an idiot...except when it comes to Ruby's profound fixation with him. He read it and put the paper back down with a small smile upon his face.

"Ever wonder who Ask Amy really is?"

"Nope," I said quickly and just for my benefit I threw in, "I already know. It's Amy Packard duh. She said it today."

Conner glared at me. "I know you of all people don't believe that bull. There's no way Amy Packard is Ask Amy."

I rolled my eyes at him. "And why can't she be?"

Conner sighed stretching forward to lean closer to me. "Because to be Ask Amy not only do you have to give great advice, but you have to have an unbiased opionion. For example," he picked up the news paper and thumbed quickly to my column, "'Dear Amy I just came out to my friends that I'm a lesbian, and now everyone is treating me differently. Like some of my friends think I like them even though I don't and others think I have AIDS because they're sterotyping idiots. Oh Amy what shall I do? Signed I Want the World to Know Got to Let it Show.' To which Amy replied with 'Dear Let it Show first off congratulations. Not many people can do what you just did. Coming out of the closet can be a very scary thing. If you're friends are judging you that badly then screw them, and no I don't mean literally lmao. But all joking aside they're not true friends if they're gonna think things like that. Be who you are and be happy. Love Amy.' Do you really see Amy Packard saying something like this? Knowing Amy Packard she would probably say, 'Eww go shoot yourself you freaking lesbo.' See Aly she's unbiased and sweet. Personally she's the best Ask Whoever we've had in years!"

Well. Isn't this boosting my ego.

"And you know it's tradition to always guess who's Ask Amy." He shakes his head smiling in awe. "It's always a Senior so that's one clue." Oh if only you knew Conner if only you knew. He pounded his fist against the table in frustration. "Ugh this sucks. She leaves no clues! Nothing! Like she doesn't state her favorite color or what type of movies she likes."

I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time that day. "Conner it's an advice column not a biography."

He shakes his head. "No that's not what I'm referring to. She says nothing about herself at all. She doesn't even make a reference. Like she never says, 'Oh you like dogs well me, I'm more of a cat person myself but try to convince your parents that you're responsible enough to keep a dog.' Get what I'm saying now?"

I totally got it but instead I just mumbled, "I guess so."

Conner sighed heavily and stared out the window. It must have been two minutes that we sat in awkward silence before he turned back to me and said, "If you knew who Ask Amy was you'd tell me right?"

"Of course," I flat out lied. It was wrong I know, but I had to. Who's to say Conner wouldn't let it slip that I was Ask Amy, and I would have to give up my position? I'd hate it. Being Ask Amy was important to me. I felt like I was making a difference.

"Sure," Conner retorted and propped open a book.

"Can you send Aly Lockwood to Principal Welch's office?" some woman on the PA system announced.

"Yes," one of the students yelled back.

Conner eyed me dubiously. "It's really funny that you always have to leave and go to Welch's office at the same time every single day."

I winked. "I'm screwing him." I knew that would put him off his train of thought since he tipped his head back and let out a loud string of guffaws. I gave Conner a small smile and grabbed my books walking to Principal Welch's office to collect Ask Amy letters. I uttered a small hello as usual and snatched my black and pink duffel bag, stuffed it in my locker, and headed toward Trig. Yes I was smart enough to bypass regular old Algebra and get into Trig along with Conner and Kwan.

Amy Packard was there along with her cronies and ex boyfriend, Jake Piazzo.

"So you're really Ask Amy?" Shelly Tulips asked. But everyone called her Two Lips on the account that her lips made Cameron Diaz's look normal they were so injected with collagen it was an absolute shame.

Amy smiled. "Of course I am. Can't you tell?"

Shelly rolled her eyes. "Then why haven't you been kicked? Whenever the Ask people gets found out they get booted from their position."

Amy's grin got wider. "Because everyone likes me. Principal Welch told me I could stay."

"How do we know you're not lying?" Shelly pressed squeezing her overly big lips together.

Amy Packard stood and got in her face. Uh oh. "Because," she hissed scathingly raking a perfectly manicured finger down the side of Shelly's face, "I leave my signature. I always put 'Love Amy' at the end. Whenever I text someone I do the same thing. It's my hook."

Shelly gulped and muttered a shaky okay then went back to her Trignometry book. See this is exactly what I mean! People are so afraid of Amy and her prettiness that they're willing to let her get away with everything. Which is why I did what I did next.

"You're not the real Ask Amy!" I shouted which got me a very nasty look from our teacher. He gave me the evil eye and went back to his magazine. Amy on the other hand wasn't giving me the evil eye. She was giving me death glares. Seriously if the phrase looks could kill was actually true I would have been bloodied, burned, and buried by now.

"And how would you know Annie?"

"It's Aly."

"Whatever. That still doesn't explain anything."

"Okay if you're really Amy then I'm pretty sure you could tell me the best letter you've ever recieved and what was the codename of the person who wrote it."

Amy looked at me as if I just spoke another language since she went, "Excuse me?" in this high pitched voice.

I put my hands on my hips. "You heard me."

But knowing Amy as I did the only thing she did was flip me off and toss her curly brown hair over her shoulder. "Bite me bitch! How in the hell am I supposed to remember my favorite letter? I get like millions a day I can't remember all of them." The rest of the class said nothing, but they could totally tell Amy was just as phony as her boobs and Shelly Tulips's lips. Yet no one said a word. No one called her out on it. Only Conner gave me a thumbs up and went back to reading random pages in his Trig book since our teacher basically gives grades and pretends nothing goes on in the classroom just as long as we don't hint that all he does is read magazines and play Solataire all period long.

By lunch I was more than aggravated especially when Ruby "accidentally" bumped into me in the lunch line causing me to spill burrito stuffing all over my brand new NON-WASHABLE shirt. Does she apologize? No, nothing just gives me a hateful sneer and keep on trucking toward our table where she plops her butt in my seat right between Conner and Kwan. Then to make matters worse she has another "accident" and spills her Diet Coke on the only available seat left leaving me to sit...well basically nowhere.

"Really?" I ask her when I look at the Diet Coke oozing off of the seat onto the floor.

"Whoops," she says sarcastically picking at her chicken salad. "Accidents happen."

I sigh deeply. "Fine I'll eat outside with Michi." Conner and Kwan, being the amazing friends they are, stood but I interrupted them. "No Conner stay with Ruby we shouldn't leave her to eat by herself." Ruby wouldn't even meet my gaze. She just continued picking at her food. "Come on Kwan." Conner pursed his lips as I grabbed Kwan and hauled him outside to join his little sister who ate outside most of the time. Oh she had friends, and she was more than welcome at our table, but she chose to eat outside alone. Occasionally some weird stoner kid would be with her but not today.

"Hi Aly...big brother," she nodded toward me, and Kwan and stared up at the blue sky ahead. "Pretty isn't it?"

I looked up. I could sorta understand why Michi at outside. It was quiet, peaceful, almost serene. The sky was blue, and I mean the color blue not that faded washed out blue. Like what happens to new jeans after you've put them in the washing machine a couple of times. And it was nice eating with Michi. She showed us her latest drawings of some abstract paintings she was working on, and suffice to say they were really nice.

What wasn't so nice was the fact that Ruby left me high and dry in the parking lot, and I had no ride home. Or so I thought until I saw a brand spanking new Mustand pull up beside me and the driver asked if I wanted a ride.

(My favorite Letter)

Dear Amy,

I have this friend. I've been knowing this person since...well forever. Although this person doesn't seem to express interest in me...at all. I think we might be better as friends because I don't want it to be awkward. But I have this secret. I'm in love. Desperatly. Amy you're magic. Can you wave your wand and help me out?

Secretly in Love

Dear Secretly in Love,

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo! Tell this person because they just might love you too!

Love Amy.