|Of Being a Douchebag
Author: supa-andi PM
In which Dmitry needed his alone time and Alex is a douchebag as usual.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 1,172 - Published: 10-01-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3062315
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: W00t, first orific in english! Meh. This is what I do instead of learning Logarithm it's showing isn't it. Anyhow first story written in English. Un-betaed. Feel free to point out my mistakes—I bet there's tons of it.
It was a hot afternoon, and he just finished his calculus test. He got up, handed the damned paper to the teacher and practically dashed out of that hell named class while silently praying he'll get A—or B. Yes, B. B is good, but he swear he'll rip the paper and the teacher's chest if that happen.
He spent 3 days with no sleep just to prepare for that test, dammit.
He entered his room, hoping that his roommate is away 'cause he badly needed his alone time. But well, fate is a cruel bitch anyway so instead of his roommate, he found... Alex. That Alex; that 'he without dick' with that I-just-got-laid-you-jelly? hair who dress, speak, and act like an eccentric scientist with hint of jock.
That fucking Alex. Laying in his bed like she freaking owned it while reading his roommate's favourite novel like, again, owned it.
Oh God, he thought. What did I do wrong this time?
"Oh, hi." Alex greeted, eyes still glued at the novel.
He eyed Alex warily while putting down his messenger bag and frowned. "What are you doing in my room? And why are you wearing my shirt?"
She looked at him, then back to the novel, then back to him, and back to the novel before closed the novel and making weird noises in the process, "you see mate, they thought today's my birthday and they shoved me to the pool—"
"But your birthday is like, 6 months from now."
"Exactly!—her arms were flailing at this point and her expression was beyond crazed—I don't understand though, this is 21st century! Haven't they heard this awesome thing named 'calendar'? Not only it tells us the day and date, but it also tell us when the fucking summer holiday start!" Andy face was red; it was a mixture of anger and embarrassment. He felt a pang of pity for this dudette, but carefully not showing it through his facial expression.
"But it's still doesn't explain why you're here and wearing my shirt." he said, fingers pointing at the Prussian blue shirt she currently wearing.
"My shirt got wet and the only option I have is you. Plus, you share shame favourite colour with me" Alex muttered. "But I swear I'll laundry this for you and give it back tomorrow!"
He shot one eyebrow. "Really? Last time you borrow things from me it got eaten by your cousin's husky."
"Hey, it's true!" She snap, but he just rolled his eyes and mouthing 'bullshit'. Alex got up from his bed, now eye level with him while shooting death glares. He felt terrified though trying hard to maintain cool facade.
She looked like she could eat him right there.
After looked like two minute or so, Alex opened her mouth and said, "you look like a dying cow."
"What," he made a face. "Speak for yourself, he without a dick."
Alex took one step down, jaw slacked open with one finger pointed toward him. "YOU!" She shrieked. "THAT WORDS ARE FORBIDDEN! I'll charge you for sexual harassment!"
"I DON'T EVEN TOUCH YOU!" he wails. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S IN FAULT HERE, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BANGED UP TO MY ROOM AND I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER GIVING YOU MY KEY COPY—"
"But the woman in the receptionist did." Alex said, plopped down to his bed and hugging his pillow like her life depends on it. Fucking pillow getting hugged by psychotic dude who lacked dick.
He shut his mouth up and blinked several times. "She did? Wow, dude, remind me to kill that woman."
"Mm, I don't think so. Her boyfriend is far scarier than Voldemort. And oh, they share the same nose too." He made a concerned face—no he's actually not concerned he's disgusted beyond life I mean dude, Voldemort's nose! He thought it just exist in film!—at this and commented, "You know it's rude to talk about one's feature..."
"But it's true!" she crossed her arm in defending manner with that pillow still sat nicely on her, blocking half of the shirt's design. Fucking pillow, burn in hell and never make a comeback will you? "One day Ian helped that woman and then her boyfriend came up and beat him up for good 'cause he thinks Ian looking at his girlfriend's chest." Andy said, arms once again flailing like crazy. He start to suspect she took more sugar than necessary on daily basis.
"Well, it's just misunderstanding, after all. I'm sure he forgives him after he fill him what's actually happened."
She shook her head. "Voldemort doesn't forgive people. He took their life's battery," She pondered for awhile and continued, "But I think he'll make a good kisser."
"You see, because of the lack of nose, their nose wouldn't bump each other and it will minimise time to found comfortable position!"
"It's the stupidest thing I've heard today but I think you've got a point."
Alex smirked smugly. "You know I'm a genius."
"Like I will. Oh look, it's 3 PM already. Gotta go," she picked up his roommate's favourite novel, her now slightly dry shirt, and some of her other stuff and shoved it down to her backpack. He opened his mouth but deciding against it, thinking that maybe, it's a good idea to prank his roommate once in a while.
Alex slung her backpack over her shoulder—it's slightly broader than most girls, he noticed it just now. "See you tomorrow?" she said, her mouth twitched up. It was rare and done in somewhat lazy manner.
He blinked again. "Eh yes," he ducked his head which people will misunderstood as shy action but really, there's something in his eyes and he wanted to get it out asap 'cause his eyes were red now and it looked like he's going to cry and he just didn't want Alex got the wrong impression—that girl was a nutcase after all.
And it only took two seconds for her to plant a kiss on his left cheek before she turned her body and running down to the hallway.
He stared at the hallway with Alex's figure starting to fade away, jaw slacked open, eyes going to pop out soon and hand on the left cheek.
It was burning.
He feel like he'll mop tonight. And the next day. And the next month. And the next year. And maybe, the next century, too.