Monday October 1 2012:

I've always wanted to write in a diary because I've always thought of a diary as a friend that would never betray any of your secrets no matter what. Of course anything that I put on here maybe private but it won't be so super private in case anybody actually does read this.

Does anybody else ever feel as though they are often ignored or not appreciated enough in their family or around their friends, or maybe even their lovers? Well I do.

I have Scoliosis, which if nobody knows what that is, it is a back disorder. It goes to minor to major which of course means that I have the worst kind of scoliosis imaginable.

I have had so many surgeries that it is unbelievable. Like you would be shocked to even know the number of surgeries that I have had.

And because of that I feel as though my family, mainly my mom; is protective of me. Which I suppose would make sense considering the amounts of surgeries that I have had but still.

I've never been popular, not even a little bit. When I was in elementary school I probably had two friends at the most. I didn't dress like the other kids, meaning cute shirts or cute jeans and I was shorter than everybody my own age.

Now I wear clothes a little better than I had, but I'm still shorter than other people my own age. I sometimes act as though I am younger than I actually am but I can have a mature conversation with somebody if they wanted one.

I want to be able to live my own life, my own way but I don't know if I can. Sometimes I feel as though I can't do things correctly as other people can.

When I was younger I also had speech problems. Kids would often make fun of the way I talked, sometimes because they couldn't understand what I was saying and make fun of me because of it.

I've been made fun of for way more things than other people are normally made fun of for. It is incredible how cruel and heartless kids and adults are. It's sad too, I feel bad for the people that don't understand and are judgemental about people.

I'm not the type of person that likes to make up conversation when I first meet somebody. I'm normally quite when I first meet somebody, and even if I know somebody well enough I sometimes don't know what to say to that person.

I don't have that many friends, but really; how many friends do you need? I'm kind of a couch potato I suppose. I'm not lazy per say, but I don't do that much.

There's not that much to do really. I want to get my drivers licence, but there's nobody around to help me. My mom works often, which I feel bad about and want to help her, but in this economy there are like no jobs where I live so that is near to impossible.

There was the girl in High School, she was probably the most annoying girl I have ever met. I tried getting to know her, I've tried being nice to her, but nothing gets pass this girl.

It was as though she was annoying on purpose. Like there were times when we were in a cafeteria, or in the classroom and she would be talking to somebody, and they would talk to her, and she would yell for no reason. You know like yell to be heard.

It was so annoying. I'm not trying to be judgemental and I'm sorry if that's how I seem to be acting but it was. So annoying. Like you would be about five inches or so away from her having a conversation and she would talk as loudly as she could.

There would be times when she walked that she would stomp her feet. I asked her "can you please not do that," you know real nice and she would ignore me and do it anyways.

Other people would tell her to talk softer or walk quietly but she would ignore them.

I remember this one time, we were all at lunch, she was with a group of people, listening to her music on her ipod or mp3 player or whatever. She turned it up as loud as it could go, and I'm not kidding you; everybody became quiet watching her, then all of a sudden somebody told her to turn it down, and a bunch of other people told her to turn it down too. I felt bad for her in a way but she should have known better than to put her music up so loud.

Anyway, I have this friend, and it really is a friend and not me that I'm talking about here. Anyway, I have a friend that is like one of the most hyperiest person that I know. I'm not even kidding. She will laugh about almost everything, making jokes and everything. Sometimes I am amazed that we are friends because she and I are so different. But I guess opposites do attract in more ways than one.

She's so funny. She's the type of friend that would take a conversation and something that was said in that conversation she could make it turn pervited. And things in conversations that are meant to be seen as perverted it takes her a while to get it.

She's kind of like the girl Cat on Victorious, for anybody who has seen that show. I can't think of any other girl she's like that's even close to her personality. She's like the best friend that anybody could ever have.

I'm 19 years old and a graduate, not going to tell you the name of the school. I haven't had the best life in the world, but then again who has really?

I want to make a difference with my life, and with other people's lives as well. I may have had many surgeries but that doesn't necissarily limit me. I want to do something great with my life, no matter what it is. I want to help everybody that needs help. I have some ideas but I have no idea how I'll do any of my ideas.