10.2.12

my wings hurt.

i am tired and disheveled and

i can't shake the feeling that there's

something

i MUST be doing

right now.

it's Very Important, i know,

but this is the wrong time for it.

in the future, i am doing it now,

but i want to help myself!

but my wings hurt,

and they have broken, so long ago...

i can't use them,

but they ache so, begging me

to stretch them out.

i can't.

i try so hard,

but i only end up exhausted, miserable,

because i can't fly and i need to.

i'm wrong right now.

there is a way things Should Be, and i

do not fit that at all.

i have spent so long as Other.

i am defined by what i am not, have never been,

rather than what i am.

i am not smart.

i am not a Good Person.

i am not normal. i am not right for anything.

'freak' say the scars on my thigh.

short for 'freak of nature'.

for once, i am something:

i am a Freak of Nature.

i shouldn't exist, but i do.

why?

what cruel being would give me a life

i spend so much of

feeling wrong.

not just wrong, though,

inherently Wrong. there is nothing

i can do.

not now.

not until my wings grow back and heal,

and Time is right for me.