|As Told by Me, the Wolf
Author: cabbageoriley PM
What really happened between the Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood?Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 840 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10-06-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3063645
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Now that you have heard herside of the story, please let me tell you how it really happened. It was a fateful day, a very fateful day. I was walking along in the woods and minding my own business. I must admit I had not eaten any breakfast or lunch that day. I was quite hungry, but I would never eat a poor little girl or her grandmother. I personally find humans very tough. As I was saying, I was walking along in the woods. It was a very nice gloomy day, so I ventured a little farther from home than usual. When I got to the path, I saw her. Why didn't I turn back?
She was skipping along all happy-like. She looked friendly enough. With each swing of the basket, the sweet smell came toward me. Thinking of it now, I think she was seducing me. Nose in air, I followed after her.
"Hello," I said.
"Hello, kind sir," she said. "How are you today? Are you hungry?"
Like a fool, I told her I was starving. She offered me one of her cinnamon rolls. Oh, I should have known. Most people do not realize that a wolf's favorite snack is a cinnamon roll. A warm, gooey, flaky… I digress. The temptation was too much! My mouth watered as she handed it to me. Being as malnourished as I was, I ate it in one bite. Of course, one simply would not do. I stood there looking with pleading eyes at the small little girl. She stared back. I kept looking at her. She kept looking at me.
"Well, I best be going." she finally said. She trotted along as if I did not exist.
"Wait!" I howled and ran after her. "Where are you taking the rest of those? May I have one more?"
She told me she was on her way to her grandmother's house. If nothing else, that should have given her away! What old women would choose to live in the woods? It is a very dangerous place inhabited by bears, snakes, and wol… ahem, never mind. She told me that she could not possibly give me any more of those delicious rolls. Her grandmother was very sick and had been for quite some time. She needed to deliver the cinnamon rolls to her, along with the custard and butter that was also in her basket. Broken hearted, I decided to return home. After all, it was getting quite sunny out. The gloom never stays long enough.
I had turned my back to go when I heard her singing. You ask how the song went? Oh, it was a simply horrid song since I had not eaten in hours. She sang of all the good things already at her grandmother's house. She sang of meats and pies, breads and cakes, cookies and ice creams, and… Oh, how my stomach growled! I could not stand it any longer. I ran after her. When I asked if I could come along, she thought it was a simply marvelous idea. Of course she did.
We walked for what seemed like ages. My stomach felt so empty! The smell coming from her basket was almost too much! At last, I saw a house in the distance. Oh, why did I keep going? When we finally got to the door, I could have cried. The aromas were overwhelming. She knocked on the door, and we entered. What a sight! Food was everywhere. More food than I had ever imagined was piled around the room. The grandmother seemed kind enough and told me to help myself. So, I did. It was a simply delicious meal. It was the best meal I had had since the Wednesday before. That was my birthday. My own grandmother had baked me the most delicious people pie. Of course, it was not made of real people. As I said before, humans are very tough. Granny is always happy to make the substitutions. But, I digress. I ate to my heart's content. The little girl told me to lie in her grandmother's bed. They were sitting at the table at the time. Before I knew it, I was asleep.
When I woke up, the police officers were there. The "sweet" little girl was crying in her mother's arms. The police arrested me with charges of breaking and entering, impersonating the elderly, man-eating, and attempted man-eating. Impersonating the elderly! To this day, I have no idea how that cap and gown got on me. Man-eating! I have said before that humans are tough, even after being tenderized. I would never eat anyone! That is how it really happened. I was framed. Framed, I tell you! Now, I must sit here in jail and hope the judge has mercy on me. Today is Thursday, and my court date is tomorrow afternoon. I may die of starvation by then; famished as I already am. Oh, woe is me.