Starving yourself isn't that hard really

You're not even that hungry

By day three,

Drink lots of water and take a bite here

And there,

Chew it forever

Because I know you're watching me

Pretending like you'd care.

I don't blame you,

Honestly who could?

I take full responsibility,

This isn't about you or that,

I know what I'm doing to me.

I just hate me so completely.

Can you even fathom?

Or understand

What it's like to know

That every one sees

Everything you try not to show?

School bullies thought they were so clever

My attitude became one of indifference

-Whatever-

Did they think they made some sort of discovery?

That my waking thoughts hadn't been the very

Things they sneered at me?

Even now I watch your eyes

As you scrutinize

Judging me as lesser, because of my size.

I'm not a 6, 8, or 10.

Never in my life have I been thin.

It used to not bother me

To bad you see,

But then I realized,

I could never be

Considered pretty.

It's all just silly vanity

But as long as society

Lets their opinions be based off "reality" TV

The only thing we have is a world striving for fantasy.

I used to say I'd only do this for me

But that was a different time…

And this starvation is better than

Another red blood line.

Back then I was so mad, so stressed, so afraid

Of every single loss, of every single day.

I don't want to sink back there again

I just want to change

I want to change for him.

Maybe if I was someone new, someone pretty

He'd give me a new chance

If he could get past all this

Erase this body, the foundation, my very essence!

I would do it all if I could have a moment

Knowing he felt as I did

Even if it kills me

I'd go happily knowing that in

That moment he wanted me as his.

So I'll pass on the plate

When your eyes search my face

I'll look away.

I'll hurry off to the scale

To go burn in the shame

Of my own emotional hell.