|All confused, numb and still so filled with emotions
Author: kiki-nana PM
My thoughts on my own and people around me's life. May be philosophical.Rated: Fiction K - English - Hurt/Comfort - Words: 768 - Published: 10-11-12 - id: 3064836
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It's like being locked in a room.
You're safe from the world.
No one can hurt you, except the one you love.
But you don't notice that until you see that there is a world outside, that you don't know, that you want to get to know.
You begin to yearn to get free. But at the same time, you fear leaving.
You don't know what you will get out there. You know what you have here.
You have more than you could ever ask for: A person who loves you with their whole heart.
But they don't realize what they're doing to you: That you are hurting.
You meet someone else. They develop feelings for you. And all hell breaks loose.
They love you too, with their whole heart. Still more than you could ask for.
Everyone says this new person is better for you: That you are hurting in your locked room.
You don't see this at first. And you don't understand why you could ever like someone else than the one you are with.
But it becomes clear to you that you are divided. And you don't know how to choose. Because they are like night and day. And they are both not truly what you wish for. But you are not sure what that might be.
You have maybe loved a few others before, but they didn't love you. And that was more of an obsession too.
Since no one has ever loved you like that before, you felt they were special, and you were only created to make them happy.
As with everyone else, you want to make them happy. But you know you're too selfish to ever be able to do that.
And it wouldn't be a problem if they were just there, but you have to stop dead in your tracks and wait. Stop living, because you are waiting. And you simply can't stand that. You need the touch.
You begin seeing others around you. You don't have a clear line between "friend" and "crush". You could fall for most people.
You just need someone with you. But no one around you seems to think of you in that way.
It might be the high levels of dopamine in your brain, who knows.
As for now, you'll just wait and see how things develop. But in the meantime, you'll be hurting those who love you. But you can't see another way out.
So let it be for now.
Enjoy what you have, and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to figure it out: Though I highly doubt that.
And you're not alone, even though you think so. So many people around the world have issues like yours too: Even though you feel alone in it all. Like no one will understand. It's always like that.
Someday things will sort themselves out, but until then, you'll just have to wait.
It might be the last thing you want to do, but someday things will be good.
So live while you do. And try to make others live as well.
I'm trying to save lives: Trying to make people happy. That's why you love them. You are trying to do the right thing, though that's rarely the case.
So do your best at what you think is best and the rest will come someday, at it's own pace.
You can't hurry life.
So live now.
Try to see the best sides of the worst things, and you'll learn that the world isn't so gray, black or white.
See the color and you'll truly be happy.
It took me years to get here, and I'm not totally cured yet. I still have a hard time finding the brightest colors, but I try, and that's what's important. I still worry, but without that I wouldn't be me.
Let's just take the things as they come: You and I.
Maybe you'll be happy.
Let's hope so.
Though you have no reason not to, if you do as I said.
Listen to others they probably know something you don't. Listen and learn.
Now I'll take my leave, but remember my words. They are right from the heart, no censure.
And who knows, you might have learned something.
If I can change just a single life, even my own, or yours, then I'd have done what I'm here for.
And if you don't know how, ask around.
My ears are always open, and my heart and head are ready to help the best they can.
So you are free to contact me.
I'm always here.