sometimes I am a hollow thing
a shell of what I am supposed to be
or not supposed to be
I can't feel anything
just gossamer thin spider threads of attachment
to what is left

sometimes I am a full thing
stuffed to the brim with emotions
and tears
and blood
and I can feel it all moving and pumping and rushing around
and I'll do anything to go back to being a hollow thing.

sometimes I am a shattered thing
shards of glass held together by a weak illusion
clinking as they go
fulfilling expectations
as others see nothing but the person they expect.

sometimes I am a marionette doll
I can feel other people pulling on my strings
go left go right
pull up stop dance
this that go now now now
and I cannot think at all for myself

sometimes I am an ice sculpture
painlessly cold and razor sharp
humanoid but never human
unable to feel the warmth around me
and no one touches me

sometimes I am a volcano
with a roiling lake of anger in my belly
and I know that I can keep it contained
but I fear that I can't
and one day I'll explode
and someone will get hurt

sometimes I am a broken person
and like all broken people
I cover my scars with smiles
so nobody can see
what really lies beneath

sometimes I am hidden
and I can never be sure
if I fear being found
or long for it

sometimes I am a machine
and I know I cannot feel
I go one way another because I must
because it is what I do next
and I don't know why

sometimes I am a daughter
and I have parents who love me
and want me to do better
and want another perfect daughter
but they have to settle for me

sometimes I am a friend
and I have friends around me
and they help
for a while
but then they leave

sometimes I am a reader
and I stop existing in the pages
and I can be someone
wholly different from myself
but all stories end

sometimes I am a writer
and I turn the knot of feeling inside of me
into opaque lines
that mean nothing to anyone
and everything to me.