|The William Profile
Author: Ridely PM
I never knew how complicated life was until that forest caught fire. That's mostly because I spent the last few years at a University in New Mexico pretending that I wasn't, in fact, a wizard. That I didn't also come from a family of them and I didn't have to earn my freedom by spending a hundred years fighting for it. And, above all else, I was not in love with a vampire.Rated: Fiction M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 81,687 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 05-02-13 - Published: 10-13-12 - id: 3065348
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It's usually ill-advised for a twenty-something year old to approach the broken lone house alone in the middle of dead cornfield armed with nothing but her cheery smile and a good screaming voice.
But I walked toward the front door of the old blue two-story house with my hands in my pockets and humming a few bars of some music I heard on the radio. I stopped when I reached the top of the small stairs to the front door and turned to look down at the steps.
The steps didn't sound right as I trotted up them. They didn't make a sound at all. There wasn't a strange whistling noise on the fourth step or a slight give to them as my weight came down on them for a moment. Someone had fixed them.
I walked carefully over to the door. Then I knocked.
There was a sound of someone shuffling inside. Something fell over and someone cursed. I winced.
People rarely come to the old two-story blue house at on 345th Street. Mail and packages were dropped in the box in front of the house unless it was registered, which rarely ever happened, and I doubt it was ever anything good when it did. I also doubt church goers ever tried to spread the Lord's message to a house that looked condemned.
Someone opened the door slightly, saw me standing there, sighed and closed the door.
I guess I have that effect on people.
There was a rattling of undoing locks and chains on the door before opening it fully.
He was far older and by far taller than anyone should be at about six and a half feet. He was beginning the stages of balding in his salt and pepper hair, his dark eyes worn with age and time, bloodshot and annoyed at me standing in the bright sunlight. He dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans that have seen better, cleaner days, as did his skin as it was a bit tanner then it normal, somewhat pale complexion. Oh, and he needed a shave too.
"Hello, have you heard the message of the Lord today?" I asked my new mentor, Tony, cheerfully.
"Shud up Piper." He glanced around behind me as I smiled. "Is today moving day?"
My name is Piper Margaret Williams. I'm a wizard by trade, a witch if you'd rather identify me by my gender, a sorcerer if you'd rather insult me, a mage if you wanted to be specific, spellcaster for those so incline, and I'm an Exorcist in training. I'm moving from Portland, Oregon to Sioux Falls, South Dakota because you go to where the magical training takes you. I haven't told many people I'm a wizard, but those who do know tend to be either paranormal themselves or think I'm completely bonkers. In this case, Tony's both.
"Yes it is." I nodded looking around inside behind him. "Did you have a little too much fun with Jim, Jack, and Jose last night?"
"That's none of your concern." His bloodshot eyes blinked. "Where's your luggage?"
"On the other side of the portal to my room." I leaned forward and sniffed. "You smell like Jack Daniels."
"Would you quit it?!" He glared down at me as light footsteps came around the corner. A woman picked up a pair of shoes off the ground, and politely pushed past us.
She apologized that she had work and needed to get home,putting on her Nike's as she broke into a run down the street. She looked about late thirties, short blonde hair and pleasant blue eyes. Jeans and a white dress shirt that reeked of everything a bar could have lingered in the air as I turned to the man standing in the door way.
The sound of a motorbike rushing away played as background noise as Tony and I stood in silence.
"Or Misses Daniels." He glared at me and shuffled me inside. "That works too. I don't judge."
He closed the door behind me and locked it as I got a look around.
Books lying around on every available surface, piled high and against the walls as far as I could see. Shotguns and handguns hanging without cases on blank parts of the walls that were void of books, a staff carved with intricate runes from top to bottom around the corner, cauldrons and various things in jars hidden just out of sight on the lowest shelves. There was a coat rack behind me with trench coats and leather jackets, and an extra-large storage container full of weapons and armor. A pile of books was scattered across the floor that originated from the living room. I smiled.
The place hadn't changed a bit.
"Room's upstairs, the spare rooms, girls sleep on the right." He scratched his head. "Or the left. Whatever. It's the one with only two beds in it."
"Cool." I turned and heading toward the stairs off to my left. "Need help putting the books back, Romeo?" He glared at me as I looked back from the stairs. "I hear men your age start to have problems-"
"Get outta here!" Tony stomped his foot as I laughed up the stairs.
I reached the top of the stairs, stacks of books still covering anything resembling wallpaper. I followed the hallway and dusty windows past the bathroom and Tony's room to a secluded living room with two doors on either side of me. There was a simple wooden table and a couple of chairs around it, books piled high on the surfaces, and some chairs with sheets on them, hosting more conventions of books.
I turned, went to the to the door on the right, and opened the door.
The room had two simple beds, three windows, and completely devoid of books. My brain took a moment to process the last part.
There were old wooden dressers with iron handles pressed against the wall for each of us on opposite sides of the room, a large open space between the beds big enough for a third bed, two desks with chairs were pressed against the wall with the door, and a closet tucked away off to the left.
Something reflected the light in the closet, and as a rule, there cannot be hidden things in the closet. One too many close calls in high school and college. I walked over and touched around in the dark space.
The offender was a handle and I pulled on it, because it only takes something shiny for me to forget that Tony's house is full of loaded weapons.
Dust however was the only thing to ambush me, and when the it finally cleared, I found out not only was the closest intended to be twice as deep, there were racks where loaded weapons should be. Extra large storage bits filled with what I can assume to be armor on the floor, empty mason jars with lids, shelve for cauldrons and whatever else I suppose we could find, a full red 1 gallon gas can, and a bag of disposable lighters.
"Well alright then." I nodded leaving the door open. I didn't want to think of how much dust I would kick up if tried to close it again.
There were steps behind me as the raggedy man with a cup of coffee leaned against the door frame. He leaned over and looked at the second closet I had opened up.
"Found your cache. Good job." He took a drink and sat down at the farther of the two desks.
"Thanks. What did you tell your lady friend?" I asked as I patted my jacket for my wand. "She had to have noticed the whole wizard thing."
"Turns out Jim, Jack, and Jose have this nifty tunnel vision trick they can pull in exchange for taking a sledgehammer to your head in the morning." He took another drink and relaxed a bit. "Also she's been here before."
"Oh." I leaned against the dresser with my wand in hand. It was thirteen inches of redwood carved with runes and decorated with blue and green dragon scales. It also made a handy stake in case of emergency. "A keeper. She must not have taken the whole wizard thing seriously at first."
"She didn't." He twitched as his memory kicked around. "Thought I was a nut. Or I did parties, shows, and crystal balls."
"You do parties, shows, and crystal balls." I nodded thinking it over. "The Conclave pays well enough to survive, not to fight, and you can't make a living as a professional wizard."
The Conclave is the government to wizards. Nine of the most powerful wizards walking the earth, plus their underlings, keep us hidden, deal with mortal governments, and send us a paycheck occasionally when we do their dirty work.
"Yeah, the parties did help." He groaned. "Haven't been any good bounties recently either. I'm going to actually have to teach you guys something."
"Oh noooo...learning?" I gasped and he glared at me. "So she bought the actually-a-wizard thing." I bounced the idea around in my head. "Spells, potions, demons, ghosts, subtle and quick to anger, the whole bit?"
"Took a while, and a lot of explaining that I'm anything but subtle, but yes." He nodded and turning his nose up at me. "Now get unpackin'. The others will get here eventually and you need to help them."
"Yes sir." I nodded and pointed my wand at a blank space besides the empty desk to my right. "Aperio!"
I admit that people are pretty open to the idea of a wizard, given that ghosts are becoming more of an acceptable idea every day, with fortune tellers on every corner, but given that Harry Potter burned while Twilight was put back on the shelves, I'm inclined to think human kind still has ways to go before I can start selling my skill set for money. After all, what am I going to do? Put an ad in the paper? Have me filed under Wizards in the yellow pages? I'd spend more time fending off people who think I'm crazy than earning any actual money.
Which is one of the things I'm rather desperate for. Jobs aren't exactly plentiful right now, so I might as well take the one job Tony was offering to train me in. I made my way through college on scholarships, grants, and loans, but that still left half a bill that needed paying. Also, it was partially punishment for taking out ten square acres of pine, so I owed people money to cover up and pretend that a wizard and a vampire didn't cause a spontaneous forest fire.
You see, you always have to assume that 'Burn the witch!' is still the contingency plan for normal people, because instead of fire and pitchforks, they have nukes and extensive exploratory surgical procedures. And, without a doubt, there will always be more mortals than there are supernatural monsters in the world. We're talking a one thousand to one ratio, which are numbers no one is prepared to take to war.
And a sudden flash forest fire in the middle of August in a city that rains nine months of the year and snows the other three isn't exactly easy to explain to the general public. Tony hadn't been happy about having to stop the two of us from making it worse, and had been even less ecstatic about having to clean up the mess and then assigned the guardian of the two people responsible because killing us was off the table and no one else would take us. We get a free pass on the condition we never do this ever again and do what Tony says from now on, and I walked away feeling relieved that no one was really hurt. Rumor has it that the fire was passed off as a freak incident involving a transformer and some down power lines.
Anyways, the usual silver light burst from my wand, hit the wall, and spread itself into a rectangle. It then dissolved the wall and left a silver door frame, an entrance to my room on the upper level of my father's house in Portland, Oregon.
I put my wand back in my jacket pocket and walked through. That's one of the pros of being a wizard; you never lose your luggage to travel companies.
"How'd you get here?" Tony called out from his seat. "And don't tell me you took a plane!"
I rolled my eyes. Wizards don't have much use for conventional transport, either. We teleport to just about anywhere in the world, assuming that we have a highly specific location that we need to get to and we have enough practice to throw ourselves from point A to point B without landing on our heads.
I can jump anywhere from a few feet to the end of a city block before I start straining something. My dad, and Tony, can jump the world as far as I can tell. Or at the very least, half the country.
The first time going anywhere, including the first time Dad took me to Tony's, we had to take modern transportation. Dad was able to jump to City Hall from our house, but we had to rent a car from there. For the simple reason that we had no idea where we were going.
I guess Tony didn't want to feel forgotten once I had gone off to college and the weekly visits for misbehaving in high school had ended. It had been four years that I thought he'd be happy about.
"Dad dropped me off." I said picking up a box I had set on my bed that morning. "First day of school thing, I guess. I still can't jump more than three hundred feet in one direction, if that's what you're wondering. "
Little paws with lots of mass rushed up the stairs in Portland and greeted me with broad sweeps of her curly tail. I smiled and greeted the fifty pounds of tan fluffy fur and teeth as I walked back to Sioux Falls. She followed me effortlessly as I picked the bed further away from the door by dropping the box on it.
"Hi Riot." I scratched behind her ears. She accepted her pets and rubbed up against me like a cat. "Somedays I wonder if you know you're a dog." I scratched her back, which she enjoyed a great deal before I patted her in the same place to signify it was over.
She then trotted over to Tony and sat down politely, waving her tail as I went to grab another box.
"Hi dog." He scratched her head. "How's it goin'? All ready for the move? I ain't got nothin' here for ya'."
I came back and dropped the box on the bed. Riot had seated herself leaning against Tony's leg, watching me go back and forth from the doorway.
"What, you're not going to help either?" I asked as Riot smiled a happy doggy grin. "Fine. Make me do all the work."
"Just use your magic."I didn't have to look over to know Tony was shooting me looks."You could jump it, levitate, force it. C'mon slow poke."
I came back and dropped a third box on the bed. "I thought you'd appreciate me trying not to use my magic for everything."
"I'd appreciate this hangover to go away and Jo not to have work today." He grumbled. "This is ridiculous. Just cast something."
"Her name's Jo?" I inquired as went for another box. I looked around my room as I left and did a quick mental calculation of how long it was going to take me.
Two more boxes combined with a rolling suitcase multiplied by the trunk and my bed sheets to the power of Riot's things, all over how much I cared came to about an hour or two.
Mental math is tough.
"Yeah...She's uhh..." He shook his head as I dropped the box on the bed. "She's none of your concern."
"Well if you say so." I scratched Riot behind the ears. "It's amazing how he found such a pretty girl, isn't it Riot?"
"That's it." He pushed me out of the way as he rose out of the chair. "Give me your wand."
"What? No." I stared at him straight. "My wand. Mine. Get your own magic stick."
"I'm not going all the way downstairs." He glared at me. "Give me your wand."
"But..." I shrink back a little. "What are you going to do with it?"
He growled and I turned over my wand. I wasn't scared or anything, it was just part of my master plan to find out what he wanted.
He looked it over in his hand. Turning it over and inspecting the dragon scales, he made the same face I used to make when I was small and Dad told me to eat my peas.
"It's a toy." He stepped away from me and swished it around a bit. The runes lit up as he tossed it from one hand to the other. "Look at this thing. All sparkly and girly...Can you even make anything levitate or jump with this prop?"
"It gets the job done, okay?" I crossed my arms. I liked my wand. It made me feel like a proper wizard when I pointed it at things. And just because it was nice to look at doesn't give people the right to make fun of me for it.
"Staff." He commanded as he shook my wand like it was snow globe. His staff, the same one I had seen earlier downstairs, suddenly appeared right next to him with a 'thump', and he grabbed it before it fell over. He then tossed me my wand, still radiating with his magic. I slipped it back into my jacket pocket.
"Move." He lightly tapped his staff with one hand. I could feel his magic briefly make a chill in the air, rip under my feet, up my spine and into my memory. It found what it needed before I had a chance to blink, ripped back out from under me, and around the corner to my room in Portland. There was pop, a thunk, a creek, and briefly the sound of static feedback. I slowly turned around and the rest of my luggage appeared on my bed in a neat pile. The mattress had been completely swapped out for the one in my old room, with the sheets and pillows neatly on it. Riot's bowls and bed were neatly laid out, her red leash hung from the window, ready for use in the open gap between beds was the bag of dry dog food and twelve pack of wet dog food peeking out from under the bed. My black battered heavy trunk sat at the foot of the bed, right where I thought I'd want it.
"...Thanks." I turned back as he tapped his staff again, closing the door between rooms. I felt a tinge of sadness as he brushed past me and inspected his work.
My dad would be coming home to an empty house later that night. No dog or children to greet him, my siblings having long since moved out to take on the world. My mother had hopped a cruise when I was ten and never came back. I wondered if he'd come visit, or force the door back open. He was always the type to worry about me.
"Wasn't so hard." Tony sat himself down at my desk and gripped his staff with both hands while it was firmly planted in the ground. "Can you do me a favor?"
"Summon me a Gatorade, some aspirin, and a bacon sandwich." He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and desperation. "Or a loaded gun. Either or."
I nodded and pulled out my wand. "All those things are where I remember them being?"
"Yes ma'am." He nodded, looked down.
I took a deep breath, summoned my magic, and thought back to the places where I used to grab them. The fridge. The bathroom medicine cabinet. Kitchen cupboards. "Doen wat hij zegt."
My wand glowed for a second and let out a pop of light. The command bounced off Tony and dispersed throughout the house. There was a brief rattling all around as things got themselves sorted, and then the sandwich, Gatorade, and the aspirin appeared on the table without a sound.
"Glad you can still do that." I scowled, his .44 fell with a clunk on the desk, and he put up a hand as an apology. "Thank you."
"No problem." I said picking up the gun and putting down my wand. I popped open the chamber as he washed down the aspirin with Gatorade. He took a loud bite of his sandwich as all six shots stared back at me.
"'ou 'ill 'no owta oz un a o's?" He asked with his mouth full. I took a moment to process what he said.
"Yeah, why?" I shut the chamber and ran my hand over the 8⅜" barrel. "Compensating much, aren't you?"
"I ain't got nothn' to compensate for." He said when he swallowed. "And you livin' civilian college-sorority life for four years, I figured you forgot damn near everything."
"I set a forest on fire and knocked out a power grid." I reminded him, putting the gun back down on the table. "I'm fine."
"Fire and energy are easy to summon in a pinch." He drank more Gatorade. "'specially if you're pissed off at the person you're throwing it at."
"I'm fine." I said a little more forcefully as I turned my head to stare at my things. Riot nuzzled my leg and looked up at Tony expectantly.
"No. Mine. Get your own greasy heart attack." He said to Riot as she put her ears down. She looked over with her classic puppy eyes.
"Check your bowl." I said as I tapped my wand. It sparked and Riot tilted her head to one side. "Go on, check."
She sniffed the air before carefully approaching her bowl as I leaned against the desk. She found her bowl, sniffed the grey gelatinous mush, then turned, and I swear, glared at me.
"I'm not giving you bacon, are you kidding me?" She laid down in front of her bowl and pouted. "Eat your dog food."
"How often did you use your magic while at school?" He readied himself for another bite. "If ya don't mind me askin'."
I shrugged. "Not often. You can't get away with much of anything when all your friends are mortals and you're surround with expensive tech."
"Figures." He said as I raised an eyebrow.
"Your magic's rusty." He grimaced as he took another bite. " 'Fraid of that. Had my suspicions. Gunna have to work you a little harder to get you back in the game."
"I'm not rusty." I glared as he raised his eyebrow this time.
"Yeah? When's the last time you knocked out a power grid?" He put down the sandwich and faced me. "Besides a month ago."
I paused and thought back. "Gah. Uh. High school?" I hazard a guess. There was the sinking feeling that I knew I had done it, but I couldn't remember when.
"You were fourteen, Piper." He said overly confident. "Shaun cornered you and called you a cold-hearted bitch in the home ec room. You broke the oven."
"If by broke, you mean I set it on fire with extreme prejudiced, then yes." I nodded. I vaguely remember making pancakes that day. "I remember that."
"Yeah. You were a hormonal kid and you overreacted. That I expected." I cast my eyes down. I knew where this was going. "But to have the same reaction when you're twenty-one? Jesus, Piper, you had to have forgotten a lot to be that reckless."
"Maybe I just wanted him dead." I tried to say confidently. Not even I believed it as it left my mouth.
Maybe I was getting rusty.
"We both know that ain't true. Never been true." He turned back to his sandwich and resumed eating. "You can jump. That's good. You should practice jumping things. Use that toy of yours."
"It's not a toy." I glared.
"Fine. Use your...wand, Ms. Granger." He took of drink of Gatorade and sat back in the chair. "We got work to do."
"Work?" I tilted my head. He hated that word like conservatives hated people.
He lifted up his staff to bang it onto the floor again, but stopped when his hangover seemed to have other plans. I rolled my eyes and he tried glaring at me with a somewhat irritable look. There was something about a hung over, aggravated, unshaven Tony that screamed 'pirate'.
"What do you need?" I picked up my wand.
"Cellphone. Kitchen table." He grabbed his head and looked rather surly at the bedroom windows.
Wizards. What can I say? We're dark, surly, and angsty creatures. And man, are we good at it.
"Doen wat hij zegt." I held out my hand, waited for the magic to bounce off of him and come back, and a red cellphone appeared in it. "You can keep one of these? Don't you fry it every time you use it?"
"Disposable." He shrugged as I handed it to him. "Used up all my landlines for cover IDs. Damn things are cheaper than dirt and has a warranty that lasts forever."
I put my wand away and took a step back as he fiddled with trying to get the voicemail to work. I guess that's one of the few things that I can count on to entertain me in a pinch. Old people and technology.
Also, considering wizards are live wires next to technology, unless we are completely dead inside, wizards and other beings that go thump in the night have a tendency to short out modern tech if we're not careful.
After about three minutes of watching him curse at the plastic device, he dropped it on the table and, after the static fizzled out, a young man's voice projected through the phone as loud as the thing could. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, quietly judging the phone.
"Hey, Tony, it's Shaun." His tone was foreign to my ears, as it was calm, polite, and somewhat casual. I didn't know what to make of it.
Shaun Raith was a- is a vampire that, given the option, I would banish to the Second Sphere (Monster Land) with extreme prejudice. I have fought the scumbag before I could tell time, and as far as I can remember, he's never even had that tone. The one I was use to was arrogant mockery laced with cold hatred that gave me a knee jerk response of wanting to rip off his skin, bash in his genitals with a garden rock, and watch him bleed slowly to death over hot coals.
This was just weird.
"You still live in that blue house, right? I'll be there in a couple hours; my flight got delayed and stopped in Wyoming."
No, I thought. It's the one on the hill with the mist and fog and cackling wart faced witch you can hear at midnight. The blue house is down the street.
"Sorry, think you can come give me hand and just jump all this stuff from FSD?" His politeness was killing me. "You wizards are always a kind and generous folk. And a little impatient."
"What the-" Tony held up his hand and silenced me.
"Also, ah, I'm guessing you want to deal whoever's doing the Freddy Krueger impression judging by how you made me take the plane with a guy who nearly died from a nightmare. Thanks for that."
That brought me back to reality in a heartbeat. Dealing with Raith was one thing, but when other people are put in the crosshairs, I'm not stupid enough to continue arguing with his sorry ass. Luckily, he isn't either. And now there is someone dying from a nightmare? This wasn't a joke; his voice was businesslike, concise, and curt. I knew of things that could kill via nightmare; they were mostly just whispers, but it actually happening was a whole new ballpark for me.
"Oh, and if you see Piper," I went back to judging the phone upon hearing my name, his voice flipping back to what I knew. "Tell her time has done her good. She should wear fire and brimstone more often; it shows off those claw marks and bruises I left."
I growled at the phone and the static started buzzing. Tony held up his hand again, shot me another glare and I redirected my frustration on a wall. There was a loud thump, and the whole house creaked. The phone stopped making noise for a moment before resuming the message.
"Also tell her to read up on things that can reduce a healthy adolescent Thai man to a screaming corpse so that only a defibrillator and banishment can bring him back and if this has happened before. Oh, flight time. See you in a few hours."
He hung up. Tony and I took a moment of silence before I left the room. "On it, sir."
I marched into the forest of books in the hallway and took a deep breath. There was a method to Tony's book madness, but this is the part where I was far more used to university libraries; I had mostly forgotten how to attack the Congo of books.
I started with the unorganized books on the table and tried to deduce what they had in common. I frowned at the titles, noticing a distinct lack of English letters. Some of them contained letters I doubted were native to earth. I wasn't sure how long this was going to take me, and I couldn't afford to read and translate all these books, Tony liked prompt answers when people were dying.
I turned back to rummage through my things, only for Tony to stop me at the door frame as he got up to leave,sandwich in his mouth, Gatorade in one hand, and holding up a pair of prescription frameless glasses in the other.
"Thank you." I said putting them on and going back to work. These glasses, besides giving me the ability to make sense of blurs of text at more than twenty feet, also allowed me to have the cliff-notes of any book I flipped through, speed read a book under twenty minutes, and gave me subtitles of any language that isn't English. I may or may not have used them obsessively in college.
"I'm gunna go get Shaun." He said finishing his sandwich. "Use every spell you still can. I wanna know how to kick this thing's ass by the time I get back."
"Yes sir." I responded as Tony limped away on his staff to his room, cursing out his hangover.
"I have a spell for that." I said flipping through a book apparently about electrical storms and demons. He looked back at me quizzically and I nodded. "What? I did more than study and I wasn't completely cut off from my magic."
"Well c'mon then!" He gripped his head as the frustration added to his problems. "On with it!"
I laughed a bit as he pulled his pirate act again, put my glasses over my forehead, pulled out my wand, and channeled my magic. "Tony's nog nooit drinken als dat weer."
My wand pulsed with light that shimmered over Tony, which immediately let him stand up straight and smile with relief. He then held up his wrist, noticing that he was wearing a bracelet with a large black bead the size of a quarter.
"Spell's broken if that breaks before the hangover's supposed to be over." I put my glasses back on. "It'll vanish if the spell outlasts the hangover. I'm covering it up, not getting rid of it."
He nodded with approval and jumped into his room to change. His room rustled and he cursed as he landed on something that fell over, changed, and walked over to clean himself up in the bathroom as I finished my first stack of books.
With that done, he jingled his keys, went to the stairs, and headed down. I grinned when I realized that he was going to the airport in a car. I told you, wizards have no use for conventional transport, especially airplanes. It's usually far cheaper just to magic our way to places, because there was a significantly smaller chance of us breaking some equipment that could save someone's life.
Besides that, Tony was a man stuck in the 1970's some days. He had, somewhere, a load of classic cars that he kept around to drive. And the whole point of keeping them around is to drive with your pride swollen to the size of Jupiter and to attract girls like Jo.
I shrugged and I glanced over another random book that my hand grabbed as the sound of a car pulled away. I tossed it aside in an instant and looked around at the books against the walls and over the chairs. Each one of those books held expertise on some shadow of hell that wanted to eat our face.
Monsters are real and this one wanted to eat our dreams. I jumped as Riot groaned and resettled on her bed.
Paranoia came with the job when you're being hunted as often as being the hunter. It's inevitable, and it's the first line of defense against invisible demons determined to make you into Sunday night dinner. And trust me; there are plenty of monsters in the dark that would love to serve you with a side of slaw. I had just read books about four of them and one was on a plane.