Chapter 4

It Never Ends

It's been over a month. I've had nearly two breakdowns in this past month. But neither of them were nearly as bad as the one that I know is coming.

There's been too much on my mind. I feel exhausted, as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It's my senior year. It was supposed to be the best year of my life. Instead, Mcguinty screwed us over, my grandfather died thanks to stupid cancer, and now thanks to me one of my best friends is hurting because I snapped at her when she kept trying to pie her problems onto me.

I can hardly sleep well anymore. In the past three days I've had maybe nine solid hours of sleep. Last night was the worst.

I wish Kenton were here. Oh God, I miss him so much. I love hi with all my heart, I really do. Long distance hurts, but it's worth it.

I keep expecting things to get better, but they never do. It's getting worse instead, as more piles on. I live in fear of a repeat of the darkest days.

Those days, that year, it was awful. Voices, horrid voices, seeing things. I thought I was losing my mind. I consider myself lucky to be alive. I nearly hurt myself on purpose. God, I nearly killed myself. I don't want to go back to that.

I need someone to trust, someone to talk to, but I can't talk to my friends, they won't understand. My mom would flip, dad's in Sioux Lookout, I don't want to distract Kenton and ruin college for him.

I'm on my own. This is something that I have to figure out for myself, alone. The hardest challenges are always faced alone.