Rating: T for language

Disclaimer: nothing is real

Chapter 1:

I was watching television and eating potato chips, soda, and nachos with my brother from another mother when my favorite show came on: Modern Fairytale. It was this thing where they get two random pop stars and make them go out on dates and pay them like a million dollars for each episode. My bro hated it because it was "girly shit," but he was to lazy to move, and we'd made a compromise the other day that he could watch zombies getting blown up by alien mushrooms if I could watch Modern Fairytale. So, we were watching when suddenly, the dude who hosts the show said that they were gonna have a lottery where ordinary people like you and me could go and date a pop star! And what's more, the singer who would be next was none other that Will Wolfe aka Wolfy, the awesome-est, sexiest, handsomest, most awesome dude in the known universe. I sat there hating the dumb bitch who would get that lucky chance. She was a cheerleader. I just knew it.

"Yo," said my brother pensively. (I should mention, his name is Robert, but we call him Fat Man.) "Yo, Alyssa. That could be you."

"Hell no, Fat Man," I said. "They're gonna pick some dumb blonde or some dumb chick who dyed her hair blonde."

"It's a lottery, dumb butt. That means it could be anyone."

"It's too small a chance, plus I'm ugly and fat."

"You never know," he said. I was suddenly struck by the wisdom of those words. I realized, looking at the posters of Wolfy around my room, I could meet Wolfy for real, maybe. They'd probably give me a makeover and glue pom poms to my arms, but I could still meet Wolfy. It was a one in a million chance, but it still was a chance. I called the number, and put my name in as Alyssa Celestin.