I've been listening to a lot of Allison Krauss lately, too much according to my mother, but that's her opinion. In fact she's part of the reason I started listening to it, besides the fact that it's good. She's only part of the reason though, a small part. I would have fallen to it eventually.

The contrariness was one reason, the music so Christian and godly. I feel like someday I'll be stopped in the hall or on the street, just to be told that god really doesn't like that, so please stop pretending he's okay with it. I am no atheist, but I believe that no god would make his children suffer for what he's made of them.

So I listen in defiance, telling the world, yes, I am different. That's what got me in trouble, revealed my rainbow, so to speak. An incriminating blog, a forgotten history, these were the evidences brought against me. I was condemned, by mother, father, friends and strangers.

And did I decry it? Did I stand up for myself, for countless others?

No, I am not brave, nor confident. I am a sad, gay, destroyed person. I took their condemnation, their hatred and disgust; I took it as stone, but stone never cried.

That's why I listen to Krauss, to know that god loves me, if only in theory, if only in dreams.