This is a short play that I wrote for a college class. I hope you all enjoy it! Please leave me a review to help me out on future projects.

Characters:

Sam

Carl

Dorothy

Lambda

Carl's Mom

Scene 1: Carl's House (Carl's living room. There are three doors, a FRONT DOOR, a SIDE DOOR, and a BACK DOOR. In the middle of the room there is a card table, with a baseball cap and two pairs of sunglasses on it. Beside the table is a cardboard box, with miscellaneous props in it. There is also a sofa in the room, somewhat off to the side.)

(Carl enters through FRONT DOOR.)

Carl

Lambda? I'm home.

Lambda (voice from offstage)

Welcome back, sir. Did you have a nice day?

Carl

It was pretty good. I brought guests.

(Sam and Dorothy enter through FRONT DOOR)

Lambda (voice)

Understood, sir. (Sam and Dorothy look around to see where the voice is coming from.)

Sam

Who was that?

Carl

Oh, nobody. Just the butler.

Dorothy

(laughs) "Butler." Good one. (the FRONT DOOR closes behind them by itself, much to Sam's and Dorothy's surprise.)

Sam

(still a bit startled from the door) Um, thanks again for inviting us over here to study. There is no way I'm passing physics at this rate.

Carl

Well, since (to Dorothy) your parents are having company over and (to Sam) your house is being fumigated, I figured, why not? I mean, I don't really need to study, but a study party with you guys might be fun.

Dorothy

How do you get such good grades anyway?

Carl

All the teachers love me.

Sam

Are you kidding? After what you pulled in Mr. Proctor's class, I'm surprised the teachers don't all hate you.

Carl

Maybe I'm just smart.

(Carl's Mom enters through SIDE DOOR.)

Carl's Mom

Oh, Carl, you're back! (she hugs Carl.) And you brought your friends.

Sam

Hello, Mrs. Tollon. I'm Sam.

Dorothy

And I'm Dorothy.

Carl's Mom

Oh, hello (in loud monotone, more like a machine) Sam! And! Dorothy! (continues in normal voice) Just call me Carl's Mom. (Carl rolls his eyes, and Sam and Dorothy looked confused.)

Sam

Okay…Carl's Mom…

Carl

We're going to study. You think you can give us some space?

Carl's Mom

Oh, of course, dear. (she exits through SIDE DOOR. Dorothy and Sam look at each other.)

Sam

Uh, what was that all about?

Carl

Hmm? Oh, it's nothing. No big deal.

Sam

You sure? (before Carl can answer, a loud noise like a stack of books falling is heard near BACK DOOR.)

Carl

Oh, what's that? (walks towards BACK DOOR, then looks back at Sam and Dorothy.) You guys just wait here for a second. (Exits)

Sam

(to Dorothy) He's acting weird.

Dorothy

Maybe he's always like that to his mom.

Sam

And what was with his mom? With that voice?

Dorothy

Has she ever acted that way before?

Sam

I don't know. That's the first time I've met his mom. I've known Carl since 6th grade, but I've never been to his house before.

Dorothy

(absentmindedly picking up the baseball cap off the table) That's funny. You and I have only been going out for a year, and you've met my parents how many times?

Sam

Too many times. Your dad scares me.

Dorothy

My dad would scare my boyfriend even if he were Chuck Norris.

Sam

Thanks, I think. (Beat) You don't think Carl's got some kind of dirty secret, do you? Like maybe he's been keeping from me for all these years, and that's why I've never come to his house?

Dorothy

(laughs) You worry too much. (tries on the cap)

Sam

Between the three of us, someone has to.

Dorothy

(after a pause, responding to: "I wonder what that noise was") Me too.

Sam

What?

Dorothy

I was wondering what that noise was. (after a pause, responding to: "I didn't say that") Yes, you did!

Sam

Did what?

Dorothy

You said, "I wonder what made that noise back there."

Sam

No, I didn't. But—

Dorothy

(responding to: "It's like she can read my mind") That's silly.

Sam

What is?

Dorothy

Saying that I can read minds.

Sam

But I—wait, can you?

Dorothy

(laughs) Of course not. (Sam narrows his eyes, is silent for a moment, and deliberately has a dirty sexual thought. Dorothy slaps him.) Sicko!

Sam

See? I didn't say that out loud: I just thought it. You can read minds!

Dorothy

What the hell is this? (she takes off the cap and lets it fall back onto the table).

Sam

A hat that lets you read minds? (picks up one of the pairs of sunglasses) What do you think this does? (he puts on the sunglasses and looks casually around the room. When he glances at Dorothy, he quickly looks away.)

Dorothy

What? What is it? (Sam doesn't answer. Dorothy then picks up the mind-reading cap and puts it on. She screams). You could see me naked!?

Sam

(trying to change the subject) Hey, wait a minute. I think Carl wore these while we were at the beach last spring!

Dorothy

(recovers and begins laughing at his nervousness) You know, you don't have to be embarrassed.

Sam

(mostly to himself, as he takes off the glasses) Why would Carl have a mind reading hat and X-Ray sunglasses? (absentmindedly picks up the second pair of sunglasses). I'm his best friend. Why wouldn't he tell me about all this?

Dorothy

Why don't we just ask? (Sam opens his mouth to speak, but Dorothy shouts out) Carl's Mom? Why is Carl looking at girls on the beach without their clothes?

(Carl's Mom enters through SIDE door)

Carl's Mom

Did you want something?

Sam

No, ma'am. We were just curious about this cool stuff Carl had lying around here.

Carl's Mom

Oh yes. You see, Carl's father- (Carl's Mom suddenly stops mid-sentence. Her head slumps forward, her eyes close, and she stands limply still).

Sam

Mrs. Tollon? Carl's Mom? Carl's Mom!?

Dorothy

What's wrong with her?

Lambda (voice)

Her batteries appear to have run out. (Sam and Dorothy leap up in surprise).

Sam

Where are you? Have you been here the whole time?

Lambda (voice)

In a manner of speaking. And now, I have you in my clutches. (laughs very mechanically) Mwahahahaha.

Dorothy

(skeptically) Really?

Lambda (voice)

I have been practicing various personas. That was my "evil" voice.

Dorothy

(chuckles) It needs some work.

Sam

(touches Carl's Mom's hand) It's…cold…

(Carl enters through back door)

Carl

What are you doing!? (Sam and Dorothy jump in surprise. Sam drops the sunglasses he is holding to the floor. Carl looks down at them.) Aw, shit!

Sam

Where were you?

Carl

Just taking care of some business. I think the better question is "Why were you rooting through my dad's old stuff?"

Sam

No, no, no. The real question is "Why does your dad's 'old stuff' look like it came out of a science fiction movie?"

Dorothy

I've got you all beat. "Carl, why is your mom a robot?"

Carl

Touché. Well, she's not actually my mom-

Lambda (voice)

I think she would be disappointed to hear that, sir.

Carl

Hey, screw you, Lambda. Weren't you supposed to put new batteries in her?

Lambda (voice)

Indeed, sir. As soon as you went out and bought them. I believe I gave you money for them yesterday.

Carl

Don't worry, I've got them. (takes out two AA batteries and "inserts them in Carl's Mom's back." Immediately, Carl's Mom returns to an upright posture, and exits through SIDE DOOR.)

Sam

Carl, so who exactly is Lambda?

Carl

He's our butler. He's connected to every room in the house. He can open all of the doors and turn on all the appliances. Dad built him. Just like he built Mom.

Dorothy

You dad built all this?

Carl

Yep. He was an inventor. Mom died as I was born, so he built a robot that looked just like her so I wouldn't feel like I didn't have a mother as I grew up. It really has worked. (Aside to Dorothy and Sam.) Although it is nice to be able to turn her off sometimes.

Lambda (voice)

I heard that, sir.

Carl

Anyway, Dad died when I was 9. Lambda and "Mom" have been taking care of me ever since.

Sam

How come you never told us all this before?

Carl

(shrugs) It never really came up. "Oh, by the way, my parents are dead and my house is filled with incredible and amazing inventions and run by an electronic butler." It wasn't like I was hiding it.

Sam

I guess that would have been kind of weird

Carl

Besides, I had planned to bring it up once you were here and saw all this stuff, but then I got distracted.

Sam

So I guess your dad invented this stuff too? (gestures toward the cap and sunglasses)

Carl

Oh, yeah. And there's a bunch more in here. (points to the box by the table, and starts looking through it, while Sam and Dorothy move to get a closer look. All freeze).

Lambda (voice)

Later that evening…

(movement resumes)

Dorothy

(Suddenly looks at her watch.) Crap, it's been four hours. We haven't studied at all.

Sam

Oh, we are so screwed. Carl, I don't suppose you have something that will help us pass that test.

Carl

Well, there is a pair of glasses that allows you to read very quickly and remember all of it.

Sam

So that's how you get A's on everything. Well, that'll make things simple. Where are they? (Carl folds his arms) Wait, you mean—

Carl

Yep. (He points at the pair of glasses Sam dropped earlier). Right there. And they're broken.

Dorothy

(Rolls her eyes) Great.

Carl

Yeah. Good thing I have this time machine. (Points at his watch.) We'll just go back in time to this morning, so we'll have all the time we need to study. (fiddles around with his watch, to various "sci-fi-ish" sound effects) There we go.

Sam

Oh, of course.

Carl

We'll just have to stay in the back room while we study so we don't interact with our past selves.

Sam

(beat) Hold on. When you went to check out that noise earlier, it was actually-

Carl

-Us. Studying away. (beat)

Dorothy

My head hurts.

FIN