|Strange Tangled Adventures of Charlie
Author: A. Gray PM
There is nothing to say here because it won't make sense. You'll just have to read it to understand because I barely believe it myself. But Charlie will lead the way and help us all make sense of what is about to ensue! Rated M for violence, gore, language, sexual situations. THIS IS MY NANO '12 PROJECT. IT WILL BE ROUGH UNTIL AFTER NOVEMBER AND I HAVE TIME TO EDIT IT.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 56,652 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12-27-12 - Published: 11-15-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3074527
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Lyra, a tallish fit vegetarian, liked to walk her dogs after dark. It was quieter then, and it felt like she was alone in the world. She didn't have to worry about anyone or anything attacking her because her dogs were so protective of her. They would fight to the death to save her, and she loved them all the more for it. Besides she didn't take the same path ever, so it was impossible to stalk her.
As lyra passed through a park, she glanced up to the nearly new moon. There was a sliver of silver that shone down through the light clouds rolling across the starry night. She smiled up as she waited for her dogs to do their business.
Her head jerked down as she heard a grown to scan the area around her. It wasn't one of her dogs, so she edged closer to them with wide eyes. Fear skittered down her spine as she looked in the bushes that were everywhere for a source of the growl. Glancing at her dogs, she noted that none of them were concern, and were looking at her like she was mad. maybe she had imagined it.
Turning to leave the park as the moon was blocked by a larger cloud, Lyra was knocked off her feet and to the ground. Above her, pinning her down, was a snarling beast. Slobber dripped from it's slightly foaming mouth onto her face as she desperately tried to hold the thing back. She screamed, and dared to look at her dogs that were supposed to be helping her. They were just sitting watching her with blank expressions.
"What the fuck!" Lyra screeched hoping that maybe the slobbering werewolf on her had sensitive hearing. "You're not real, and you're only to transform on a full moon damn it! And my dogs are supposed to be protecting me! This is all wrong!"
There was no hope for Lyra though. It wasn't long before her strength gave out. While her dogs looked on the werewolf ate her face.
Chuckles erupted around the crime scene as Charlie and Tooth, his handler, drove up. Tooth ignored the laughs as he exited his car, and got Charlie out of the back. Sure the others were laughing now, but he was here because none of the dogs could track whatever had eaten the poor girl's face.
Charlie was a giant bunny, the size of a dog, but had the best tracking nose the force had to offer. Sure Tooth was the butt of the other officer's jokes as Charlie's handler, but that was because they didn't understand Charlie like he did.
Tooth pushed his thick rimmed glasses up his nose, and resisted running a hand over his afro. He set his shoulders, and then, with Charlie in tow, marched down to the marked off trees. It was just his luck that as he reached them he stepped in a huge mound of dog shit. Laughter sprang up anew, but Tooth ignored them.
There was a time once when the other officers were not so blatant about laughing at him. Tooth had made them nervous when he first came to work at the little town with Charlie. Not many were willing to laugh in the face of a 300 pound black body builder. However, as time wore on they realized that Tooth was a very gentle guy, that didn't take offence easily. Then the jokes started to be flaunted in front of his face. It bothered Tooth a little, sure who wouldn't it, but there was no way he would show it.
As soon as they reached the trees that were marked off with a yellow tarp over the body, Charlie started sniffing away. Tooth knew that the rabbit had found something already. There was no sniggering now as Charlie began to hop into the woods that were on the edge of the park. As much as they made fun of Charlie, the officers all respected that he was the best tracker in the area.
Deeper and deeper into the woods Charlie led him, and soon Tooth lost sight of the others that were following. How on Earth could they not keep up with a slow ass giant bunny? Tooth just looked at it as proof that they were all complete morons.
There was nearly no light with how deep into the woods they had gone when Charlie finally halted. Tooth pulled out his flashlight and shined it around the area wondering why Charlie had stopped. Then he spotted it a weeping form under the thick bush. It was a boy, naked, covered in scratches.
"Hey little boy, why don't you come out so I can help you?"
Slowly the boy crept out of his hiding place enticed by the big bunny. He wanted to pet it. Tooth crouched down so he wouldn't frighten him anymore with his large stature, and waited until the boy was petting Charlie to speak again.
"What's your name?"
The boy looked up like he was about to bolt then settled down a bit. "Seven."
Tooth blinked, "like Seven of nine?"
"A borg from- nevermind. What are you doing out here Seven?"
Seven stopped petting Charlie, but the bunny nipped him so the boy started again. "I think I hurt a lady. I got bit by a monster, and now sometimes I change and bite others. Has anyone been bitten by a monster? is that why you are looking for me? To kill me for biting a lady?"
Large sad eye looked up at Tooth making his heart ache. "No, son, I'm not going to kill you. Besides you look like you couldn't hurt a fly!"
"Now, come on, let's get out of these woods. You look like you could use a good meal."
"Does that mean i won't be alone anymore?" Seven asked with a hopeful look.
"You have me and Charlie now, you're not going to be alone anymore."
Tooth stood along with Seven and took the boy's hand leading him out of the woods.
Lyra sat up confused. Why was she in a dark room naked covered only by a sheet, on a cool table? And why was the sheet over her head? Why did her face itch so bad? Where were her dogs? Why were there a bunch of dead bodies in the room with her covered just like she was.
"Shit, I died and got my ass kicked straight outta Hell and back into my dead body."
Upon those words the room lit up in fire as a demon appeared at the end of the table that Lyra was sitting on. Lyra watched with wide eyes, as wide as she could as her face was eaten off, as he glared at her.
"Devil says you can't come back. He's sick of your shit and you've only been dead for less than a day! Now my ass has to make sure that you don't try to get back into Hell since you had so much fun fucking with everyone the Devil is sure you'll try to. And since you convinced my daughter to help you try and steal the Devil's penis she got kicked out too! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"But daddy!," came a whiney voice from behind the demon. A redhead with glasses peaked out from behind him. "You said that it was ok cuz now we can find mommy and be with her!"
The demon rolled his eyes, "I know sweetie, but I wanted to make Lyra feel bad at least a little bit."
The girl giggled, and jumped onto the woman in question, "Pleeeeease. Like you could ever make her feel bad. She's so more way awesomer than you!" She declared with her tongue sticking out. Then she turned to Lyra. "Whoa, what happened to your face?"
Lyra felt her face and then sighed, "A fucked up off timed werewolf ate it off while my dogs just sat and watched."
Ann blinked, and then burst out laughing, "That is so cool!" Then she slapped Lyra. "Come on my bitch, let's get you some clothes and start snatching penises!"
"Um, we can't snatched penises from people here without killing them." Lyra told the girl as she rubbed the remainder meat of her cheek.
Ann snickered, and then pulled a nut cracker with batteries hooked to the razor blades were attached to the nutcracker part of it out of her pocket. "This will cauterize as it cuts it so they can live! It's my swiss-army nutcracker!" To prove this she began to show Lyra the needle, blade, sewing needle, and fork that were hidden in one handle, and the spoon, jaw clamp, fillet blade, and saw blade on the other one. "There's even attachments for it!" Ann said digging in her pockets.
Lyra shrugged, and waved off more showings of Ann's wondrous new toy. "Okay. get off so I can get up."
Ann did as told, and skipped over to her father. "See daddy we can still have fun!"
Don looked up at Lyra with a glare as she got off the table, and then frowned as the woman fell to the floor.
"Fuck!" she screamed as pain ripped through her body.
Ann came over looking worried. She crouched in front of the woman on the ground. "What's wrong Lyra?"
Said woman opened her mouth, but a scream came out instead as she flopped on the ground.
"Come away, Ann." Don instructed in a bored voice.
Ann went to her father and stood and watched Lyra writhing on the ground. "What's going on Daddy?"
"She's alivish now so she's changing into what killed her."
"A werewolf?" Ann asked in awe.
There was a bell sound, and then glitter erupted from Lyra's form. As the glitter settled there was a hairy wolf-woman without a face kneeling on the ground.
"Wow, that was weird feeling." A high pitched wolfy growl came from the form and she straightened up. Lyra stretched out her new form and danced around a bit. She one hopped onto the table she woke up on, and did some more dancing making sure to sasha her tail. She discovered she had six hairy boobs now, and tested them all for feeling. Fur covered all of her body making it so that it looked like she was wearing a fur suit.
"I can so get used to this!" she declared.
Ann laughed giddily, and danced around while brandishing her battery powered cauterizing penis remover. Don looked toward the door ignoring to two obvious mad women. He knew that Lyra was a great influence on his daughter, but he stilled liked to give the woman a hard time. It was only only way for him to ready her for his mate.
Lyra jumped back off the table, and inspected her form once more. "At least I don't need clothes now!" She declared as she walked over to Ann and Don.
"Perhaps, but this will draw too much attention. Change back." Don demanded.
Lyra huffed, but asked, "I can do that?"
Don rolled his eyes, "Of course all werewolves can even off timed ones. Just think about changing back onto your human form and it will happen."
Lyra shrugged, but did as told. However nothing happened. "I can't!" she cried.
Don tapped his chin. "Maybe because you died you are stuck this way."
Lyra blinked at Don. "Doesn't that make me a zombie werewolf then?"
"Do you want to eat human flesh?" Ann piped up.
Lyra considered it. "Yes."
"Even the penis?"
"I... I don't know."
"Yes you're a zombie faceless werewolf." Don said. "Can we go now?"
"Faceless? Fuck! I still don't have a face?"
"Nope," Ann told her sweetly.
Lyra stomped her foot like a child making Ann giggle. "Fine. What's the plan?"
Don turned, and headed for the door waving to two females to follow. "Ann wants to see her mother as she hasn't since she stole her first penis six years ago. So to start we will go to the Wisconsin State Fair."
"The state fair?" Lyra questioned.
"Mommy likes to watch people make themselves fat on all the deep fried foods, and then trip the fattest ones to see them struggle to get up!" Ann said as she grabbed Lyra clawed hand, and held onto it.
Lyra giggled, "That's hilarious, but I am hungry!"
Don sighed, "Fine. We will go to the twenty-four hour IHOP, get pancakes, and then we are heading out. We don't have much time to get to the Fair, and we are going to be hitchhiking."
"I have a car!" Lyra declared.
"Yes, but you are dead."
"We take it tonight, and besides people will be freaking because my body isn't gonna be in the cooler any more." Lyra retorted as they walked to the restaurant.
Don huffed, as Ann asked, "What kind of car do you have?"
Lyra smirked at Don knowing that he would give into his daughter everyday. "I have a cursed Mini Bus."
"Ooooo, what's that?"
"You know those old Volkswagen buses that are huge? I have one of those."
"A cursed one? Seems like that's the story of your life, death, and afterlife." Don laughed heartily.
"Yeah, well, it's been passed down through the family. We can't sell it no matter the cost because it is bound to the family. If we do give it away it comes back. It always does no matter what." Lyra spat.
"So how'd it get cursed?" Ann asked as she skipped along with her hand still in Lyra's.
"According to my family's story about it, my great great great great great grandfather accidently killed a pet cow that belong to his friend that had come over to America. His friend was staying with my granddad as he was getting everything ready to move onto his own farm. Granddad slaughtered a cow for meat, and realized too late that it was his friend's pet cow. So the friend's wife cursed the bus as it was my grandad's pride and joy." Lyra explained as they walked along.
She had to grab up Ann then as a car swerved into them, its breaks squealing in an attempt to stop before it hit them. The man driving was staring at Lyra, and nearly and over her. Thankfully the werewolf saw it coming and managed to jump out of the way with Ann.
Don, furious that a human nearly hurt his daughter, slammed a fist down on the hood. The hood caved in and the entire front of the car collapsed. The air bag popped up into the driver's face, and he howled in pain. Don jumped up onto the hood he smashed in, and punched through the windshield, and grabbed the man's face. He ripped him out of the car completely destroying the seatbelt that had strapped the man in.
"Idiot!" Don snarled as he hurled the man into a tree. "You nearly hurt my little baby!" He charged over to the man and snatched him up.
"Wait daddy!" Ann screeched making the demon pause. Ann streaked over, and yanked off the man's pants. Oh-so-carefully she applied her nutcracker around the man's penis and balls. She gripped it hard, and the man shrieked in pain. There was the smell of burned flesh, and then the genitals dropped into Ann's waiting hand.
"Thanks!" the girl said before darting off to show her newest prize to Lyra.
Once Ann was satisfied Don returned to murdering the man. He gripped the man's face once more and squeezed causing the man's head to pop like a balloon. Don dropped the dead meat sack, and shook off the bits of him that were on his hand and arm.
"Bastard," he said as he walked back to the two girls. They turned as a group and continued on to get food. The restaurant wasn't far ahead, and they could see the lights beaming out into the dark night.
"Lyra?" Ann asked in a sweet innocent voice.
"If the cursed man was your great great great great great grandfather," Ann counted the greats on her fingers, "Then the van wouldn't haven't existed because cars weren't invented yet."
Lyra chuckled, "Very true, Ann. It was really a horse that was curse, but when the horse died it transferred to another horse, and then another until it went to the bus."
"So if the bus dies do you think it will transfer to another vehicle?"
"Yes I do."
"What does it do?"
"Hm?" Lyra asked Don whom had asked the question.
"What does the curse do?" Don clarified.
"Oh... everything that comes through the speakers has a really bad Norwegian accent."
Don stopped in his tracks and turned back to look at the woman. "You can't be serious!"
Lyra put a hand on her hip. "I am!"
"Show me now!" Don commanded.
"But I'm hungry," Lyra whined to the demon.
Don gave her a hard stare, and Lyra threw her hands up in frustration.
"Eat that human idiot back there if you are so hungry." Ann said tugging on any hair the demon girl could get ahold of on the werewolf woman. "I wanna see the bus!"
"But he's dead!"
"You're a zombie, get over it." Don said as he walked past her back the way they had come.
"Fine!" Lyra said stomping after him. Ann cheered and skipped around the moody werewolf.
"We're gonna see a cursed bus!" She sang.
They made a stop at the dead body of the man. Lyra quickly scarfed some of the man down, brains and meat. Standing up she declared, "Coming back from the dead really gives a werewolf an appetite!"
She turned, with blood and brains all over her snout. "Let me show you my house!"