Author: PoniesAreForReal PM
"I can't say whether you stole my heart and won't give it back, or if I gave it to you and you broke it." A passage I wrote regarding my crush on a boy who doesn't feel the same way. (Best read with River Flows in You by Yiruma in the background)Rated: Fiction K - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 575 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11-20-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3076152
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
You know…I'm not really sure what ever really made me fall for you. You're good looking of course, but then again, so are a lot of people. I only like a bit of your personality. I think I've spent way too much time fantasizing in my head the person I wish you were, instead of just opening my eyes and seeing who you really are.
But what I really don't understand, how I can't seem to go a day without thinking about you, and you never gave me anything more than a passing glance.
Do you have any idea how much that hurts?
Why does God make me go through this pain every day? I'm so young. You've left me with more insecurities than I can count. And it was all because of one thing you said. Now, I spend so long every morning making sure I look my best for you. Every morning. And it's just for you too. If you weren't there, heck I'd probably just throw my hair up in a ponytail and call it good. But you are there, and for some reason I have hope that one day you'll feel the same about me.
Which I know is completely and utterly ridiculous.
I know hope is supposed to be a miracle…but sometimes I see it as a curse. Because of hope, I'm not able to let go of this impossible dream that I have. The dream where you fall in love with me. I don't want anyone telling me "Oh, there's always hope!", because no. There's no hope where this is concerned.
I can't think of how many different scenarios I've come up with in which you decide you like me back. It's obviously a lot…three years worth of hopeless daydreams.
All of this is driving me insane and slowly killing me inside. Why can't I just let you go? I never asked for you to come into my life in the first place! You just did! I can't say whether you stole my heart and won't give it back, or if I gave it to you and you broke it. It doesn't really matter though. Part of it is always going to stay with you whether you broke off a piece for yourself, or you kept one of the shards.
Watching you fall for her is probably the hardest thing yet. I can't compare to her. She doesn't even have to wear makeup to be pretty, she's skinnier than I am, she's a better athlete…she's everything you want.
I just wish you'd give me a chance. Maybe if you just got to know me you'd change your mind…
I'm a quiet person, so I'm a bit difficult to notice. Looks are all I have to get me noticed, and even those apparently aren't enough for you. I'd love to come out of my shell and be able to talk to you and get to know you, but I can't. I don't know how to flirt. That's just not who I am.
The tingly feelings I get whenever I think of you feel so good…but when they fade, all that's left is pain, and when that fades…numbness.
I think I just need to quit hoping that someday when the tingly feelings hit me, they hit you. Because I know in my heart that'll never happen.
Instead, I hope that one day when I see you…
I'll feel nothing at all.